


Plus One

by AlxSteele



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Christmas, Christmas Fluff, Denial of Feelings, Eventual Happy Ending, Fake Dating, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Idiots in Love, Implied Sexual Content, Kissing, Kissing in the Snow, M/M, Malec, Pining, Real Feelings, Sharing a Bed, Snow, Weddings, You've been warned, all the cliches, background Clace and Sizzy, but no actual smut, cavities ahead, just saying, like lots of kissing, the fluffiest epilogue ever, the sappiest saps to ever sap, they're idiots honestly, underwater kissing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-04
Updated: 2017-08-28
Packaged: 2018-11-23 04:45:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 75,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11395602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlxSteele/pseuds/AlxSteele
Summary: When Alec’s invite arrives for his brother’s wedding, he allows his best friend Magnus Bane to convince him to check “plus one”, insisting he’ll find a date by then. Only, he doesn’t. Clearly, the only thing to do is bring Magnus to the wedding as his fake boyfriend. Nothing could possibly go wrong.





	1. Summer Weddings

**Author's Note:**

> This is a gift for Georgia ( [ @fangirlbusiness](http://fangirlbusiness.tumblr.com/) ) HAPPY (late) BIRTHDAY! I hope you had an amazing day, love! <3 Also, I totally used this as an excuse to write a fake dating AU because I know you love them. Hope you like!
> 
> If anyone wanted to like tweet about the fic as they read it, it’d be awesome if you used #PlusOneFic so I could see, just saying <3
> 
> Settle in for a bumpy ride, everyone. Because, well, hello, this is me we're talking about. XD
> 
> p.s. this is un-beta'd so all mistakes are mine

Three months before, when Alec got the invite to his brother’s wedding, he'd hesitated, the single hardest question placed before him: single or plus one?

Somehow, even having known for nearly a year that his adoptive brother was getting married, accepting his place as best man and everything, this hadn't occurred to Alec. Would he be taking a date? Could he even find a date? He'd looked across the living room where his longtime roommate and best friend sat, reading something on his iPad. Alec could tell Magnus loved whatever he was reading as his lips were moving silently. They'd met six years before, during their second year of college, and been best friends ever since. Alec had also been nearly positive he was in love with the beautiful man since about five seconds after meeting him. Okay, at first it was just a crush, but it hadn’t taken nearly as long as it should’ve for him to fall for Magnus.

If Alec could pick any date in the world to take to Jace's wedding, it'd be Magnus. Who, of course, was already going as one of Clary’s bridesmaids or whatever Clary decided to call them as they consisted of Magnus, Alec’s sister Isabelle, and Clary’s best friend Simon as her maid (man?) of honor.

Ironically enough, it had been Magnus who convinced Alec to mark "plus one".

"Be optimistic. It's months away, you could meet your soulmate in that time."

Alec had smiled and rolled his eyes. What he didn't say was _, I already have_.

That was all months ago. Alec had had a few dates, even a hookup or two in that time, but had he found a soulmate? No. Had he even found someone he could take to the wedding that was, of course, a destination wedding where they’d be for five whole days? No. And now Alec was seriously starting to panic. His parents — whom he’d barely seen nor talked in oh four years, since official coming out— had even called, shocked — shocked! — when they found out he was bringing a date. He couldn’t just not bring a date!

“Just tell them you broke up with the guy,” Magnus said casually. He was standing in Alec’s closet, picking through his clothes. Alec hadn’t even tried to argue when Magnus announced he’d be packing for Alec, it was the only way to get out of Isabelle griping over his clothes all week anyway.

“Isabelle is convinced I’m secretly dating someone,” Alec said, shaking his head. He couldn’t even be excited to see his baby sister who’d moved to California just after college while Alec remained in New York, and whom he hadn’t seen in months. Alec focused on folding his clothes, breathing in and out slowly. “My parents expect to meet him. God, I’m screwed.”

“Well, you did kind of leave it till the last minute,” Magnus said, tossing a dark button up Alec’s way.

“This is all _your_ fault.” Alec glared, throwing a balled-up pair of socks at his best friend. “You told me to check ‘plus one’!”

Magnus appeared out of the closet suddenly — no pun intended — shrugging his shoulders elegantly. It was late so his face was bare of its normal makeup, something Alec was used to after being roommates so long. Even dressed in comfy pants and a shirt two sizes too big, he still somehow managed to be the most beautiful person Alec had ever seen.

“I was trying to be optimistic,” he said. “You should never listen to me. Haven’t you learned anything in the last six years?”

Alec rolled his eyes, trying to pretend Magnus’ playful pout didn’t make his heart skip.

“I’m screwed,” Alec repeated.

Magnus came to stand near the bed in Alec’s neat room, much the opposite of Magnus’ room across the hall where he’d hung colorful fabric and everything was a mess of clothes and books. Alec’s room was minimal at best, a comfortable chair in the corner, a plain brown comforter on his bed, furniture that didn’t even match. Magnus was constantly threatening to redecorate it.

“So let’s go together,” Magnus said, offering the words like they didn’t make Alec’s heart stop. Magnus grabbed a pair of pants to fold and carefully put them in Alec’s black suitcase, not seeming to notice that Alec had frozen.

Pulse racing, Alec forced himself to breathe, shaking his head slowly. “I need a date Magnus, not a best friend,” he said in as casual a voice as he could manage.

Magnus shrugged, looking up, eyes more gold than green in the dim light, hair soft and fluffy, not slicked back like usual. “So we’ll be each other’s dates.”

Alec’s heart stopped, his lungs closed, he nearly choked. “W—what?” he asked, breathing in sharply, mind spinning. But he knew better than to get his hopes up. Magnus didn’t feel about Alec the way Alec did about him. This was just a friends thing. “How will that help? Everyone knows who you are. My best friend.”

Quickly standing, he moved to the dresser for pajamas and boxers to finish packing. Magnus flopped down on the bed behind him and Alec very carefully avoided looking at him when he turned back around.

“So,” Magnus said. “We’ll _pretend_ we’re dating. We’ll tell everyone the romantic story of how we just woke up one day and realized we wanted to jump each other’s bones.” Magnus shrugged.

Alec coughed, turning to hide his blush.

“It’s just a week. Gets everyone off your back and I don’t mind. It’s not as if I’ll be attempting to hook up with a bride’s maid or groomsmen.”

Alec could hear the disgust in his voice and forced a laugh because that’s what he was supposed to do.

“No,” he said. “Absolutely not. No one will buy it. That’s crazy.”

He could feel Magnus pouting without even seeing it. “First, ow. Is it so unbelievable that you would fall in love with me?”

Alec snorted, heart lodged in his throat. He would not answer that because of course it was believable considering it’d happened, a long time ago.

“Come on, Alec, do you have any other options? And it will be fun! It’s the perfect solution. Who would you rather spend the week pretending to date? Me, your best friend. Or…Raj?”

Alec wrinkled his nose at the mention of his co-worker.

“He’s your only other option,” Magnus said. “Unless you want to tell everyone you couldn’t find a date and endure your parents attempting to set you up with all the lovely single women there.”

Alec let his head fall forward, groaning loudly. “I hadn’t even thought of that.”

Magnus hopped off the bed, patting Alec’s shoulder. “Come on, Alexander,” he said, making Alec’s heart skip like it always did when Magnus used his full name. “We’re friends. Let me do this for you.”

Alec’s mind screamed BAD IDEA but it was drowned out by the way his heart raced as Magnus’ hand lingered on his shoulder, setting all his nerves alight.

“Really?” Alec asked, looking up slowly.

“It will be fun,” Magnus insisted, grinning widely in a way Alec could never resist. “I’ve always wanted to be an actor, you know. Trust me, I’ll play the part perfectly.”

That was what he was worried about. Alec swallowed nervously even as he nodded.

***

“Relax, Alexander,” Magnus said as the plane took off. “Everything is going to be fine.”

“Easy for you to say,” Alec gritted out between clenched teeth.

Magnus shook his head, laughing softly. He’d been looking forward to this wedding for a while now. One, because Clary was one of his best friends. And two, because hello destination wedding in Hawaii? Where they’d have five full days to have fun, and celebrate. What could be better? Add deceiving Alec’s homophobic parents to the list and it was nearly heaven really.

Magnus spent the plane ride trying to distract Alec who was fretting over everything. They’d been best friends for a long time now, Alec somehow even surpassing Magnus’ old childhood friends Raphael, Ragnor, and Catarina. After college, they’d worked their way up to jobs at the same publishing company, Alec becoming an editor of children’s books and Magnus on his way to being head of marketing. Magnus knew exactly how to distract Alec, by insisting they watch a bunch of terrible movies.

Soon enough, Alec was laughing, rolling his eyes, leaning into Magnus to talk. Magnus hardly paid attention to the movie, listening to Alec’s affronted commentary instead.

Magnus honestly had no idea how Alec hadn’t managed to find a date, a real date. Anyone would be lucky to date Alec. In fact, Magnus had witnessed it again and again, the way men fell over him when Magnus managed to drag him out clubbing. It always gave Magnus a weird thrill, being the one Alec danced with those nights, seeing other men who wished they were him. Magnus never really thought of it and they’d just spend the night dancing, Magnus making crude jokes a little too loudly to make Alec laugh. After six years of knowing Alec, there wasn’t much Magnus didn’t know about him. The only real mystery was his singledom but Magnus tried not to pry. Too much.

Eventually, Magnus fell asleep, head resting on Alec’s shoulder, a familiar place as it was always there. When he needed somewhere to cry or moan and groan after his newest date was a flop. Or just sleep, like this when they were both up late working or watching TV.

“Magnus, time to wake up.” Alec’s soft voice in his ear woke Magnus hours later as the plane prepared to land.

Magnus groaned, burying his head in Alec’s shoulder. “I don’t want to,” he moaned, lips brushing against Alec’s neck. Magnus felt him shiver but thought nothing of it, smirking to himself. “Been awhile?” he teased, wide awake as he pulled back.

“What?” Alec asked, frowning.

“Been going through a cold spell?” Magnus asked suggestively, smirk widening when Alec flushed.

“Shut up.”

Magnus shrugged, looking forward. “It’s okay, we all have them. I’d help you find a hook up at the wedding but it might look strange. Your boyfriend helping you hook up with another guy.”

Alec rolled his eyes. “That’s one way to traumatize my parents,” he joked but Magnus knew Alec well. Better than anyone else. And there was a strange edge to his voice, a stiffness to his body. Magnus considered him for a moment before deciding to let it slide. He was just nervous for the wedding and maybe feeling a little down, Magnus thought. Considering it was his younger brother getting married when Alec wasn’t even currently in a relationship, Magnus understood completely.

Marriage wasn’t something Magnus personally had ever worried about. It would happen or it wouldn’t. He loved falling in love but relationships…never ended well, to be honest. But he could understand wanting it and though they’d never talked about it much, Magnus knew Alec was the kind of person who did want that. Wanted to find their soulmate, the person they’d spend forever with.

Magnus was of the opinion that Alec was his soulmate. He believed in the platonic sort of soulmates, after all. Friends, he knew, stuck around a lot longer than lovers.

“Time to go,” Magnus said, pulling on Alec’s hand.

***

Alec managed to calm down on the long flight. It wasn’t a big deal, he thought, determined to enjoy the wedding. Magnus and he were best friends, they’d just pretend to be a little something more to get everyone off his back. Easy. Afterward, he’d tell them they decided they were better as friends or something.

Still, when their cab pulled up outside the hotel that was right on the beach, everything paid for by the Lightwoods who wouldn’t settle for anything less for their adoptive golden boy son, Alec nearly jumped out of his skin when Magnus grabbed his hand before walking in.

“Relax,” Magnus murmured as Alec’s heart jackrabbited around his chest.

Relax, right. Easy. He could do that.

The hotel reeked of money. Stepping into the lobby everything was shining perfection. A towering ceiling above them held up by glittering columns, couches that looked more expensive than their whole apartment, making a little sitting area off to the side. Everything gold plated, even the floor looked expensive.

“Alec!”

Alec glanced up, dropping Magnus’ hand as he recognized his sister's voice and prepared for her to come running across the lobby, flinging herself at him. Alec stepped back, barely catching Izzy without falling himself.

Magnus chuckled next to him as Alec hugged his sister. He hadn’t seen her since her birthday, back months before when he’d flown to California.

“I’ve missed you,” Isabelle said, squeezing him so tight he was sure he’d passed out.

Alec squeezed back before letting her go. “I’ve missed you too, Iz.”

Isabelle grinned, already dressed for the beach with a loose white sundress over her swim suit. She hugged Magnus next as Simon made his way over. Alec had been shocked when he first found out they were dating last year but somehow it worked. The accountant/musician making his business mogul sister happy.

Once Isabelle was done chatting excitedly to Magnus, she turned back to Alec, grinning. “Where’s your date?” she asked, eyes shining as she glanced around like he might be hiding. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me who it was,” she chided, slapping his arm.

Alec swallowed dryly, excitement forgotten as he glanced over at Magnus. Magnus didn’t hesitate, grabbing Alec’s hand again. Isabelle noticed the gesture and her eyes went wide. She grabbed for Simon, pinching his arm.

“Ow,” Simon muttered, pushing his glasses up. “What was that for?”

“Am I dreaming?” Isabelle asked, eyes going back and forth between Magnus and Alec, her smile growing impossibly wider.

Alec frowned, not expecting this reaction. He’d never told Isabelle about being in love with Magnus. Had he, he might expect this reaction but now it confused him.

Magnus smiled softly, shaking his head. He glanced at Alec who lost his breath because Magnus was a good actor, he thought, even he was briefly convinced of the adoring look Magnus leveled at him.

“We didn’t want to say anything,” Magnus said, turning back to Isabelle and Simon who looked to finally be catching on. “Until we were sure.”

“You two?” Simon said, eyes wide. “Wow. That’s… wow. Awesome. Congrats.”

Isabelle squealed, lunging forward to hug them at the same time. “I’m so happy for you guys! I always knew you’d figure it out eventually.”

Alec was having trouble forcing a smile, his stomach in knots as he glanced around the lobby, looking to see if anyone else was nearby. “Figure what out?” he asked distractedly, heart skipping when Magnus; thumb started moving in lazy circles on Alec’s hand, making him lightheaded.

“That you’re madly in love with each other, dummy,” Isabelle said, lightly smacking him.

“Wh—” Alec gasped before choking as Magnus elbowed him in the ribs.

“We were just…taking our time,” Magnus said, smiling gently at Alec.

“Right.” Alec nodded.

“Code red!”

Alec turned as Jace’s voice cut across the hotel. Alec had never been so relieved to see his brother. “Already?” he called, smiling for real as Jace flipped him off.

“Took you long enough to get here,” Jace complained, pulling Alec into a hug and patting his back.

“What’s the code red?” Isabelle asked, glancing around. “Is code red Clary?”

“What? No,” Jace shook his head. “She’s fine. We’re short a room.”

Alec frowned as Isabelle cursed. “How did that happen?”

“I don’t know,” Jace said, running his fingers through his hair.

He looked tired Alec thought, the stress of the wedding clearly getting to him. Alec knew Jace hadn’t wanted any of this, neither had Clary. They wanted a small, intimate wedding and then suddenly it was fifty of their closest friends — most of whom they hated outside their immediate circle — and a hotel rented on an island. The only reason Clary had agreed to it was that she refused to agonize over it, as she’d declared as soon as Alec and Jace’s mom got involved. She was letting Maryse do whatever she wanted as long as the people she wanted were there and intended to spend the next few days before the wedding with their little group, ignoring everything else. All she cared was that her friends were there and, at the end of the weekend, she was married, she’d told Alec one night over dinner. While Alec had admittedly hated Clary at first, she’d grown on him and when Jace moved to Dallas to set up a new gym as part of the family business while Clary remained in New York to finish art school, they’d grown even closer. After the wedding, Clary would be moving to Dallas with Jace.

Now, Jace, on the other hand, was clearly doing a worse job at not caring. “Somehow, they overbooked and now we’re down a room and someone I don’t know who is doesn’t have a room,” he groaned.

Alec opened his mouth, ready to go into fix-it mode but Isabelle beat him to it, grinning widely. “It’s fine,” she said.

“Fine?” Jace all but shouted. “Fine—”

“Alec and Magnus are together,” Izzy said before he could continue. “They don’t need separate rooms. They can share!”

Alec froze. Jace turned to him, frowning before his eyes fell to where Alec and Magnus were holding hands. A wide smile broke across his face. “I love you guys,” he said, clearly relieved and unaware of Alec’s inner struggle. “I’m happy for you two,” Jace added, already backing up again. “But mostly I’m happy for me!”

Magnus squeezed Alec’s hand and Alec automatically looked over. Magnus’ eyes clearly holding the question of ‘is this okay with you?’

Alec let out a deep breath, nodding. He didn’t have any other choice it seemed.

***

“Are you okay with this?” Alec asked.

Magnus shrugged, staring at their reflections mirrored back at him in the elevator doors. They’d been given their keycard and room number and ordered to meet down in the restaurant in an hour for dinner with everyone.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Magnus asked, glancing at Alec, whose face was closed off, carefully blank. Magnus frowned. “We’ve been friends for years,” he pointed out, resting his hand on Alec’s arm to calm him. “We’ve lived together for six years. I think we can handle sharing a room for a few days.”

“What if there’s only one bed?” Alec asked so serious that Magnus had to laugh.

Magnus rolled his eyes, stepping off the elevator onto their floor. “We’ll build a pillow wall,” he said. “Though I assure you, I can control myself around beautiful men,” he winked.

Alec snorted but said nothing else. Magnus was relieved to feel a normal air settle around them. It’d been awkward, something Magnus hadn’t planned for when he suggested this. It was stupid, they were best friends. It was just a little deception. But Isabelle had seemed so happy… And Magnus had failed thinking this through, overlooking the part where they’d be lying to their best friends.

Isabelle’s reaction was still playing over in his mind as they searched for their room. She’d acted like she wasn’t surprised at all, like she’d been waiting for this. Magnus glanced at Alec out of the corners of his eyes, frowning.

Stepping into their room at the end of the hall, Magnus looked around slowly. It was a nice room, a little sitting area, and a nice big bed. Everything in cool blue tones. And, of course, a mini bar. Which Magnus had been informed the Lightwoods would be paying for so he had no issue with taking some of the, shockingly expensive, mini bottles of alcohol as soon as they stepped through, leaving his bag in the doorway.

“Should we tell them, you think?” Magnus asked, perusing the selection.

“Tell who what?” Alec asked, setting their bags on the bed.

“Our friends, that it’s not real.”

Alec shrugged. “Isn’t it a little too late?”

Magnus opened a small bottle of scotch, frowning. “I guess. So what happens after the wedding?”

Alec turned to face him, arching an eyebrow. “We tell them we decided we’re better as friends. Easy.”

“Easy,” Magnus parroted. “Right.”

He didn’t know why he felt weird suddenly, swallowing most the small bottle of scotch in one go. He shouldn’t feel weird. Why would he feel weird? But he found himself looking anywhere but at Alec.

“We could call it off,” Alec said suddenly. “I’ll tell Izzy it isn’t real. If you want.”

Magnus quickly shook his head, waving the suggestion away. “Nonsense. It’ll be fun, let’s just…not worry about it. Okay? Have fun.”

Alec nodded, agreeing easily enough.

Get it together, Bane, Magnus told himself, moving to unpack. It wasn’t weird. It’d only be weird if he made it weird. Which it wasn’t.

***

Alec was determined to enjoy the week. He’d have fun with his friends, celebrate Jace and Clary. And hell, he’d even enjoy pretending to date Magnus. This was his chance to know what that would be like, wasn’t it? Just this once. For a little while. He could pretend that it was real and then he could get over it. Once and for all. Move on with his life. Maybe, if he could get over Magnus, he could finally manage to fall in love with someone else. Something he hadn’t managed to do in the last six years.

Alec dressed nicely, knowing his parents would be at dinner that night and dreading it more than anything. They’d made progress, over the years, but Alec wasn’t sure anything could make him forget their initial reaction to his coming out. And he knew they’d never be one hundred percent okay with it. He was suddenly glad he’d have an excuse to lean on Magnus all night.

He was ready long before Magnus, lounging on the couch with a book as he waited. When Magnus stepped out of the bathroom, Alec was in the middle of an intense scene, only looking up when Magnus cleared his throat.

“This relationship will never work if you don’t appreciate the fabulousness that is me, looking so hot,” Magnus commented as Alec’s mouth went dry.

He had to blink to get his eyes to focus, slowly glancing up and down Magnus, who was dressed in a tight, dark black suit. No jacket, just tight pants and an equally tight, fancy button up. He tugged on his sleeves, straightening his shirt. His ear cuff glinted in his ear, catching the light. His hair was spiked up with pink streaks. Eyes dark and smokey. If Alec wasn’t already in love with him, this look alone would do it, make him fall. Who wouldn’t fall for Magnus, really?

“Cat got your tongue?” Magnus teased. “We’re going to be late.”

Alec cleared his throat, looking away quickly as his face flushed. “Right. Let’s go.”

***

Dinner was held in the fancy restaurant inside the hotel, everyone else was there by the time Magnus and Alec arrived. Magnus didn’t hesitate in grabbing Alec’s hand as they headed to the big table in the middle where everyone was waiting. Isabelle grinned widely, waving them over.

Magnus was just in time to catch Maryse’s look as she turned to Alec, eyes quickly dropping to their locked hands, shock written all over her face before she pursed her lips, face going blank. Alec’s father was less stealthy in his reaction, nearly choking on a drink of something Magnus was sure was expensive.

Magnus bit back a smile as Clary threw herself at him suddenly, pulling his hand from Alec’s.

“Biscuit!” Magnus said, hugging Clary tightly. “I’ve come to talk you out of this nonsense,” he teased. “You could do so much better than the blonde.”

“Hey!” Jace called, affronted.

Clary just laughed, pulling back with a grin. “I’ll let you know if I decide to leave him at the altar. We can run away together.”

“Just say when, I’ll have a carriage waiting.”

“Hey! That’s my future wife you’re talking too,” Jace called again.

Clary rolled her eyes.

“How long has this been going on?” Robert Lightwood asked suddenly.

Magnus saw Clary frowning before looking to where Alec still stood close.

Magnus’ mind worked sluggishly suddenly, spinning around blankly. He was surprised when Alec answered without hesitation. “A couple of months,” he said, stepping close to Magnus and grabbing his hand again. A shock went through Magnus’ palm but he chalked it up to static electricity.

Robert was staring at them intently, Maryse having moved to sit like everyone else. Jace and Isabelle were clearly watching closely, ready to jump in at any moment while Clary was still staring at the two of them, confusion written all over her face.

 _What’s going on?_ she mouthed at Magnus as Alec stared at his father.

“It is love?” Robert asked. Magnus was glad not to be currently drinking anything or else he would’ve spat it out just then, breathing in harshly.

“What?” Alec asked, choking on the word.

Magnus patted his arm, remaining as calm as he could, thinking for the first time that maybe this wasn’t a good idea. “It’s…new,” Magnus said thoughtfully.

Robert frowned but said nothing else, taking the seat at the end of the table and swallowing the rest of his drink in one go.

“I, for one,” Clary’s mom said suddenly, stepping forward to hug Magnus, her husband Luke on her heels. Magnus had known Jocelyn and Luke forever it seemed, his mom having been close friends with them, making Magnus grow up acting as an older brother to Clary and, by extension, Simon. “Think this is a lovely development. I’m so happy for you two.”

Magnus swallowed, throat tight. Maybe this wasn’t the best idea, he thought again. He had not thought this through, forgetting that pretending meant lying to most of his favorite people.

“Alec!” a voice suddenly shouted. A moment later, Max was pushing through the restaurant, throwing himself at Alec, who stumbled, hugging him back.

“Max,” Alec laughed, “You’re getting a little too big to do the running hug thing,” he teased, ruffling his hand through the teenager’s hair.

Max glared, batting him away.

“Max,” Maryse snapped before anyone could say anything else. “Sit down and behave.”

Magnus raised his eyebrows at Alec, stepping close for comfort. Alec just shook his head, shrugging slightly.

“Sit next to me, Magnus,” Clary said as they moved to the table. Magnus looked up, frowning until he caught her knowing look. Of course, Clary would know this was all a sham, Magnus thought, groaning internally.

“Whatever the bride says,” Magnus smirked, sitting down across from Alec.

Everyone quickly fell into conversation as they ordered dinner. Max talked a million miles a minute, questioning Alec on everything. Isabelle continually beamed at Magnus and Alec, while Clary watched thoughtfully. Magnus rubbed his foot against Alec’s leg under the table, making him jump slightly before rolling his eyes and smiling at Magnus. Playing footsy would clearly help the deception, Magnus thought.

“Okay, spill,” Clary said leaning in close to whisper.

Magnus stared down at his glass of wine innocently. “Spill what, Biscuit?”

“What is going on with you two?” she asked, nodding at Alec.

Magnus shrugged. “Nothing.”

“Why are you pretending? What exactly are you pretending? To be together? And it’s not _nothing_. This is a terrible idea. You’re going to break both your hearts.”

Magnus frowned, turning to look at her sharply, foot dropping from where it’d been roaming up Alec’s leg. “What?” he asked, honestly perplexed. How would this break either of their hearts? It was just to make the wedding as painless as possible.

Clary shook her head, turning to her plate as their food was suddenly set before them.

Magnus looked up, catching Alec’s gaze across the table. Alec raised an eyebrow and Magnus shook his head. He had no idea what Clary was even talking about.

“Sooo,” Isabelle started, voice high pitched, eyes shining as she turned to look between Magnus and Alec.

Fuck, Magnus thought, sensing the questioning about to start. They hadn’t figured out just what to say yet.

“How exactly did this happen?” Izzy asked, using her fork to gesture between the two of them.

Magnus opened his mouth, hoping something would just come to him, once again shocked into silence when Alec answered with hesitating.

“First, it’s none of your business,” Alec said, sharp voice softened by the small smile curving up his mouth. “But, if you must know, it was just sort of natural. We were at a publishing event, this fancy cocktail party. We drank a little, danced, and then it was like we just suddenly noticed each other for the first time.”

Magnus’ eyes were locked on Alec as he talked, heart racing for some unknown reason. He remembered the cocktail party, which was real. They drank and danced, Alec’s intense gaze locked with Magnus’ for what felt like hours. And then Magnus had broken away to flirt with a cute intern.

“And then?” Isabelle asked. Everyone staring at Alec like he was telling the most captivating love story ever.

Alec cleared his throat, clearly looking anywhere but at Magnus, who pursed his lips, he wanted to hear the rest of the story as much as anyone.

“And _then_ ,” Alec said, swirling his wine glass around in a way Magnus knew was meant to distract himself. “We walked around for a bit. Went home. And Magnus asked me out on a date. The end.”

Magnus reached for his wine glass, feeling the urge to down it but stopping when everyone turned to look at him. He smirked, taking a sip while raising his eyebrows. He had no idea why his heart was pounding quite so loudly.

“The end? Excuse you,” Isabelle said, shaking her head. “Not good enough. When did you first kiss? What’d you do on your first date? I demand details.”

“Isabelle,” Alec said in a low voice, nodding to their parents on the other end of the table.

“What?” Isabelle asked. “It’s not like I want to know when you had sex for the first time.”

Magnus inhaled sharply, choking on his wine, making his eyes water as the table went silent.

“Izzy!” Alec snapped, covering Max’s ears a little too late.

Max knocked his hands away. “I’m not a child, Alec,” he berated, rolling his eyes.

Alec’s face was swiftly turning red, something Magnus enjoyed once he could breathe again.

Jace cleared his throat, coming to Alec’s rescue. “Lay off Iz, clearly they don’t want to talk about it.”

“Why is it we’re only now hearing of this…development?” Maryse’s sharp voice cut through the room.

Magnus froze, watching Alec’s eyes go wide. “I— well. We,” Alec stuttered before clearing his throat. “We were taking things slow, we didn’t want to say anything if it wasn’t going to work out.”

Magnus busied himself with his wine, drinking more carefully as Alec’s eyes drilled into his own.

“And now?” Maryse prompted. “It’s going to work out?”

Magnus swallowed, heart pounding erratically. Alec smiled and his heart skipped because Magnus could swear, even after knowing him for six years, knowing everything about Alec, he’d never seen this smile before. Hopeful and sincere, eyes crackling at the corners. Magnus found it hard to breathe as Alec nodded, doing his best not show what he was feeling as his pulse raced, forcing himself to smile back at Alec.

“Yeah,” Alec finally whispered. “It is.”

Magnus fought of a frown, wondering just what Alec was doing. Nearly jumping out of his skin when Alec’s foot brushed against his leg under the table.

“Well then,” Maryse said briskly, smiling tightly. “I’m happy for the two of you.”

“You are?” Alec and Jace blurted at the same time. Magnus raised an eyebrow, he’d only met the older Lightwood’s a few times but this didn’t line up with what he knew of them.

“Of course,” Maryse said, cutting into her steak briskly. Robert stared off into the distance next to her. “I know you don’t believe this, but I just want you to be happy, Alexander.”

Alec looked at a loss for words. Reaching out to brush his hand, Magnus smiled softly. “Well, we are,” he said.

Alec turned to him, shocked but nodded nonetheless.

“So?” Isabelle insisted. “First date?”

Magnus forced his gaze from Alec’s, feeling overly hot suddenly. “Shouldn’t we be talking about the happy couple?” he suggested, attempting to get the attention away from them. He turned a pleading look to Clary who shook her head.

“Nope. I want to hear.”

“Come on, you two,” Jocelyn teased. “Everyone loves to hear a love story.”

Magnus just held back from groaning but, once again, Alec started talking like it was the easiest thing in the world, like he wasn’t making up the story as he went.

“It wasn’t anything fancy, it was… Well, if you want to know. It was just natural. Easy. Going from friends to…more.”

Magnus swallowed dryly, unable to look away as Alec talked, pausing to lick his lips as he gathered his thoughts. Magnus’ pulse raced, blood rushing through his head in a dizzying manner.

“We went to dinner and it was just like every other time we’ve gone out. Then we went to the park and walked around for a while and by morning we were—”

“Naked,” Isabelle teased.

“ _Dating_ ,” Alec corrected.

“And then?” Isabelle prompted. “Wait, better question. When did you realize there was more here?” She waved her hand between them, the widest smile on her face like she was more excited about their “relationship” than she’d ever been about her own.

Magnus bit his lip, aware that he was being unnaturally quiet but at a loss for words, something that didn’t happen to him very often. Normally, he’d be the one spewing nauseatingly cute stories, something he’d planned when he first suggested this but now his mind was blank and he could do nothing but stare at Alec.

He waited, holding his breath, as Alec picked at his plate, shrugging. “I don’t know.”

“Yes, you do,” Jace spoke up. “I can see it in your eyes.”

Alec glared at his brother before glancing around the rest of the table, even Simon was leaning forward to better hear while Maryse and Robert both leaned back in their chairs, waiting patiently. Jocelyn and Luke shared a small smile. Max raised his eyebrows suggestively. Alec looked set to kill his siblings for bringing this up in front of their parents and, before he knew it, Magnus found himself talking.

“Well, I know when it was for me,” he said, the perfect story coming to him as Alec’s eyes locked on him. “My birthday, last year.”

Alec’s eyes widened, mouth forming an O.

Magnus smirked. “We went out with Raphael and Ragnor, clubbing. I drank too much. I hate birthdays after all. And, I don’t remember everything,” Magnus laughed self-deprecatingly, seeing Alec trying to figure out where he was going with this. “And Alec took me home, he gave me a piggy back ride because I didn’t want to walk.”

Alec smiled at the memory, a bright, unbridled grin as he rolled his eyes. “You get really annoying and pouty when you’re drunk,” he accused.

“Shush,” Magnus berated, throwing a roll at his head. “I’m trying to tell a story.”

Alec waved him on, falling silent, eyes shining with mischief.

“Anyway. Once we got to the apartment and I showered and changed and was moderately soberer, Alec made me dinner even though it was like two in morning because I hadn’t eaten much and I don’t know,” Magnus shrugged, “There was just this moment, sitting at the kitchen counter as he berated me for drinking too much…” Magnus shook his head, dispelling the memory with a frown.

He cleared his throat, staring down at his wine. “I just remember realizing at some point, that I wanted him to kiss me.” Magnus’ mind spun, confusion clouding his thoughts as his voice trailed off and he realized he wasn’t lying, he had wanted that, that night last year. He’d nearly forgotten.

“And he did. Months later,” Simon said, breaking the moment. “God, Alec. A little slow, aren't you?”

Alec rolled his eyes. Magnus felt off kilter, he’d almost forgotten anyone else was there. He reached for his water cup, deciding he’d clearly had enough wine for the night.

“Christmas, two years ago,” Alec said. Magnus’ breath caught as he looked up, once again locking eyes with Alec.

“Really?” Magnus asked, forgetting all about the game they were playing.

Alec nodded, he looked so sincere Magnus was caught off guard. He’d never known Alec was such a good actor. “We went skiing, remember? I twisted my ankle and you gave up trying to impress that snowboarder to spend the rest of the week in the cabin with me. And… I don’t know. I just…felt something change then.”

“Aww,” Isabelle crooned.

Magnus looked away from Alec’s sharp gaze, unable to hold it any longer. This was a dangerous game they were playing, he thought, pretending to be together like this… They were playing with fire and he suddenly realized what Clary meant. He could already feel the flames, it would be all too easy to get burnt.

***

“What’s the point of a pool when the beach is literally right there?” Alec asked late that night as he and Magnus slipped out to the pool. Dim lights made the water shine a bright, clear blue. It was a fancy pool, made of smooth tan stone, the hot tub up higher than the pool, the water from it running over the edge like a waterfall leading to the pool. It was a breath-taking sight in the middle of the night with the stars out overhead. But, just beyond the fence, was the beach, the moon reflected in the clear water.

“The point is the hot tub and it’s too cold to swim in the ocean at night,” Magnus pointed out.

Alec turned to him, pulling his gaze away from the beach as Magnus pulled his shirt off, revealing bronzed skin and a chiseled stomach, not to mention his biceps — Alec cleared his throat, quickly peeling his eyes away. It wasn’t like he hadn’t seen Magnus without a shirt before.

They’d spent awhile at the bar after dinner, hanging out with Clary, Jace, Isabelle, and Simon. Before Magnus decided he had to go make use of the hot tub. Alec had followed, mostly so that he didn’t have to endure his siblings endless questioning and partly because there was nothing he liked more than spending time with Magnus. He was pathetic and knew it.

They’d changed out of their suits into swim trunks and shirts. Alec carelessly pulled his own shirt off, ignoring Magnus’ taunting wolf whistle as he slipped into the hot water.

Alec sat on the bench a foot or so from Magnus, who leaned back, staring up at the sky, immediately relaxing.

“I love destination weddings,” Magnus sighed.

Alec hummed but said nothing, tilting his head back and letting his eyes close. He was exhausted, jet lag currently winning its battle over him. He felt Magnus shift closer but didn’t think anything of it.

It was quiet out at the pool, peaceful as it was late enough for most people to be sleeping already. Alec wanted to enjoy this time, knowing the next day things would get more hectic as the rest of the guests arrived. Part of him still couldn’t believe Jace was actually getting married. Had someone told him Jace would be the first to marry back in high school, Alec would’ve died laughing.

It was a strange concept, Jace and marriage. There was a soft sort of ache in Alec’s chest, thinking about it. He was happy for Jace and Clary. Jace had never had the easiest life and he deserved to be happy, both of them did. And Izzy and Simon, Alec was sure they wouldn’t be far behind in getting married. And here Alec was, having only ever had one mildly serious relationship in his life, too busy being in love with his best friend…

Alec wanted that, what Jace and Clary, and Isabelle and Simon had. He wanted it more than he’d ever realized, it just so happened that the person he wanted it with, was nothing more than a friend.

Alec was so far lost in his head, he flinched when Magnus started talking, having all but forgotten where he was.

“That was quick thinking back there, about us. Good story.”

Alec swallowed dryly, shifting under Magnus’ gaze. His heart skipped around at the mention of dinner. The way Magnus had looked at him. That story he’d told, of wanting Alec to kiss him. And then there were Alec’s own stories. About the cocktail party, everything he’d always wanted. And skiing, completely true except it wasn’t the first time Alec realized he was in love Magnus but closer to the hundredth. It was one time he’d almost convinced himself Magnus could feel the same though. Now, he guarded himself carefully. Not letting his mind wander. It wasn’t real, it never would be.

“Apparently, I’m a better liar than I thought,” Alec finally said, turning his head to face Magnus and opening his eyes slowly. The dim, blue lights around the pool made Magnus look better than ever, complementing his bronze skin. Alec kept his eyes carefully away from slipping down past Magnus’ neck.

“Apparently,” Magnus smirked. Before Alec knew what was happening, Magnus had closed the distance between them, pressing up against Alec, his eyes shining with mischief. “I was thinking,” Magnus whispered when there were barely a few inches left between their mouths.

Alec felt like he was on the verge of having a heart attack, chest tight, lungs constricting. He was sure he looked like a deer caught in the headlights as he struggled to at least appear calm.

“That’s never a good thing,” he finally whispered.

What was Magnus doing? Alec’s mind spun, all sense of calm vanishing as Magnus moved in front of him, pushing him back against the edge of the hot tub, very little space between their bodies, Magnus’ breath warm on Alec’s face. It was everything he could do to fight a shiver when Magnus laughed.

“We’re supposed to be dating, aren’t we?”

Alec nodded, incapable of forming words in that moment.

“Which means, at some point, we might have to kiss,” Magnus all but purred sexily.

Alec gasped, not managing to play this even the littlest bit cool. Magnus had to be able to tell, that Alec was hopelessly in love with him. Alec couldn’t look anywhere but Magnus’ eyes, refusing to let his gaze drop as Magnus licked his lips. An endless torrent of _fuck fuck fuck_ going around his mind.

“For the ruse of course,” was breathed against his skin as Magnus leaned in to whisper in his ear.

Alec swallowed audibly, nodding. “Right, for the ruse.”

Magnus smirked, and Alec suddenly realized their bodies were pressed together. Alec couldn’t breathe no matter how hard he tried.

“We might want to practice,” Magnus said matter of factly, all cool and calm like this was nothing. Like they’d done this a thousand times. “So it doesn’t look like we’ve never done it before.”

Alec swallowed again, trying to find his voice. His mind spun as he grasped for something, anything to say. Somehow words eventually fell from his mouth, everything done on autopilot because he couldn’t even think beyond the feel of Magnus’ wet torso pressed against him, beyond the thought that the pool lights perfectly brought of the gold flecks in Magnus’ eyes.

“Are you trying to get in my pants?” he teased.

And just like that the tension in the air was broken, Magnus throwing his head back as he laughed, moving away just enough that Alec could remember how to breathe. Magnus stopped laughing after a moment, leveling smoldering eyes at Alec. “What if I was?”

Alec rolled his eyes, ignoring the pang in his chest at Magnus’ ridiculousness. “You aren’t. And we don’t have to kiss.”

“But what if we do?” Magnus asked, all wide eyes and innocence. “What if they don’t believe the act and we’re forced to prove it with a heated, loving kiss?”

Alec could deal with fun, teasing Magnus. He could not deal with thoughts of kissing Magnus. He wanted it too badly. “Be serious.”

“I am being serious,” Magnus said, taking his seat back next to Alec, turned to face him. “It’s okay, I don’t mind. You can kiss me.”

“What?” Alec shook his head, wishing to talk about anything else just then. “No. I’m not going to kiss you.”

“Why not? We’re best friends. We’re in a fake relationship. What’s one kiss between friends? Why are you so against this?”

And Alec knew Magnus was just teasing, having fun and he’d probably had one too many drinks but he couldn’t do this. He wanted to kiss Magnus, more than anything. Had wanted to for years. And that was exactly why he couldn’t. He couldn’t taunt himself like that, knowing it would mean nothing to Magnus. It would hurt too much.

“Magnus can we please just—”

Magnus leaned in close so fast Alec flinched, his heart skipping painfully, voice cut off. Magnus hovered right in front of him, all Alec would have to do was incline his head and lean in a few centimeters and their lips would touch. When Magnus reached up, lightly touching Alec’s face with gentle fingers, Alec was sure he was going to die. His heart would explode and it would all be over.

“You don’t have too, if you really don’t want too, Alexander. But, if you wanted, you could. Just kiss me,” Magnus whispered, his pupils dilated, voice breathy as he talked, staring at Alec like he was the only person in the world.

And fuck, Alec was weak. He’d wanted to kiss Magnus since the second he saw him and he knew this wasn’t real and it was a horrible idea but his brain wasn’t in control anymore, his heart was and so before he could even register his own actions, he’d close the last inch, inclining his head.

“For the ruse,” he whispered, catching Magnus’ lips against his own.

Alec’s heart felt set to burst with the first soft brush of lips. Within half a second he knew he was screwed, more so than ever because kissing Magnus was everything he’d always imagined it would be. And more.

***

Magnus had no idea what he was doing. He didn’t feel normal, everything was suddenly weird and he was confused. And, okay, maybe he’d drank a little more than he should’ve at the bar, sue him. So, he did what he always did when he found himself in an awkward, unusual situation. He teased and flirted his way out of it but now Alec was kissing him and his heart was racing in a way it never had before and Magnus had no idea what was happening to him and he couldn’t breathe and was that fear? Lurking in his chest? Magnus Bane did not get scared. Especially of a kiss.

The moment their lips touched, Magnus gasped. Within seconds, the world faded away and Magnus was lost to it, surrendering in a way he never had before. Everything froze and then he was swept away by a powerful current in his chest. Alec’s lips impossibly soft against his, tongue quickly searching out entrance to Magnus’ mouth. He wasn’t sure anymore, what reaction he’d expected, Alec to kiss him or refuse. He couldn’t say he’d complain about Alec accepting his challenge.

Alec suddenly slowed down, pulling Magnus close, their lips brushing together slowly, soft enough for Magnus’ heart to ache. No one had even kissed him so softly before. Alec was in complete control, his hands cradling Magnus’ face, like he was something precious to be careful with. Magnus’heartbeatt filled his ears as his eyes drifted open for a minute to see Alec’s close, before closing his own once again. He didn’t know who moved first but suddenly they were standing, Alec angling his head to deepen the kiss as Magnus’ hands slipped to his sides, holding Alec close. Both their bodies were overheating, a combination of the hot-tub and the kiss.

Normally, Magnus would fight for dominance when kissing someone but it was all he could do to keep up with Alec, mind frozen, opening his mouth to allow Alec’s sure tongue back in. He couldn’t hold on to any one thought for long, his hands shaking on Alec’s hips. He was lost to a wave of a million different emotions and not sure how he was managing to breathe.

When they broke away, Magnus had no idea how much time had passed. He opened his eyes slowly, to say he was stunned was an understatement. He’d never been kissed so thoroughly that his lungs actually hurt from lack of oxygen. His mind refused to work, stuck on one thought: _fuck, Alec was a good kisser_. Followed a bit later by the stunning realization that he’d just kissed his best friend. And he already wanted to do it again.

Magnus looked up after a minute, realizing he was staring at Alec’s chest, glistening with water. He forced himself to meet Alec’s gaze, eyes crawling up his throat, his lips that had just a minute ago been crashing against Magnus’, until their eyes finally locked.

He didn’t know what to do, stuck in place. Alec’s eyes were wide, gaze sharp and steady, something like panic slowly edging out something that Magnus couldn’t read. His chest moving up and down as he breathed heavily.

Magnus’ eyes dropped back to Alec’s lips. Yup, he thought, definitely playing with fire.

Magnus opened his mouth to say something, he didn’t know what. When he’d teased Alec about kissing he hadn’t meant for it be like _that_. Not that he was complaining.

“Meet you in the pool,” Alec said.

Before Magnus could process the words, Alec was climbing out of the hot tub and diving into the pool with a loud splash.

Magnus shook his head, climbing out after Alec. He was being weird, it was nothing, he told himself. They’d play at being boyfriends for the long weekend and then everything would go back to normal. It was just fun. Of course, he felt something when he kissed Alec but it was only because he cared about him. Because they were friends. That was all.

Cannonballing into the pool, Magnus felt himself wake up, coming back to himself as the cold water shocked his body. Surfacing, he sputtered, shivering.

“Warning, it’s cold,” Alec said grinning from a few feet away like nothing had happened.

“Thanks,” Magnus said, voice wavering as he shivered. “That warning would’ve been nice before I jumped in.” Teeth chattering, he swam for the edge.

“Uh-uh,” Alec said, swimming after him and grabbing him around the waist before he could pull himself out. Magnus ignored his skipped heartbeat, growling as Alec kicked off from the smooth rock, pulling Magnus with him back to the center of the large, shimmering pool. His muscles hard against Magnus’ back. “Where do you think you’re going?”

Magnus shivered exaggeratedly. “To the hot tub, where it’s warm,” he said, splashing water over his shoulder at Alec before kicking away from him. Even this, something that should be so normal between the two of them, felt like an act.

“Come on, the pool is more fun,” Alec said, splashing back at Magnus who turned with a glare.

“Oh. It’s on,” Magnus said, jumping at Alec to push his head under the water. Which would’ve worked brilliantly if the pool was just a little deeper. As Magnus jumped on Alec he merely stood up straight, feet easily touching the bottom. Grabbing Magnus’ waist, Alec thoughtlessly tossed Magnus away, back into the water, making him gasp and okay maybe feel a little turned on.

“Not fair,” Magnus shouted, laughing despite himself. Using his whole arm, he sent more water splashing in Alec’s face, using the distraction to jump on him again, this time managing to force his head under the water.

They wrestled in the water for a few minutes, somewhere between a splash war and dunking contest. Magnus doing his best to stay away from Alec’s searching grasp, the weirdness of the kiss was all but forgotten even as their wet bodies brushed against each other. Eventually, they moved on to floating around lazily, staring up at the night sky.

Magnus glanced over, eyes tracking the drips of water on Alec’s face, his wet hair pushed back as he floated on his back. His eyes slipped down, tracing the dips and falls of Alec’s toned stomach, before moving back to his face.

He was overwhelmed with the sudden feeling that something had changed. They’d arrived here less than ten hours before but somehow, Magnus was sure, something had changed in that time. He didn’t know what or maybe he suspected but was afraid to look too closely because this was nothing, nothing but a game. That was all.

“What?” Alec’s voice shocked Magnus and he floundered in the water, losing his balance and sitting up so his feet touched the ground. Alec’s wide hazel eyes stared into his, searching for…something. “You were staring.”

“Bet I can hold my breath longer than you,” Magnus found himself challenging.

Alec raised an eyebrow and Magnus was glad for the fact that he didn’t blush easily and when he did it was nearly impossible to see. He had no idea where that came from but refused to back down.

“What do you say?” Magnus asked, making his eyebrows dance.

Alec rolled his eyes, planting his feet on the ground. “I love a challenge,” he deadpanned, repeating something Magnus had said a long time ago.

Magnus smirked. “On the count of three.”

“One.”

Magnus breathed in and out deeply, trying to get his racing heart under control.

“Two.”

Alec’s eyes narrowed.

“Three.”

They both breathed in deeply before sinking under the water. Magnus kept his eyes open but Alec closed his. Without much hesitation, Magnus pushed through the water, slipping his arm around Alec’s waist and bringing their lips together.

***

Alec flinched at Magnus’ touch, barely stopping himself from breathing in sharply, a terrible idea when underwater. Magnus’ lips just brushed his, but it was enough for Alec to recognize it for what it was; a kiss.

Alec broke the surface first, gasping in air, Magnus a second behind him.

“Cheater,” Alec gasped, once he could breathe again. He opened his eyes to Magnus’ wide grin, eyes shining. He had to be cheating, right? God, Alec was a mess. What had he been thinking, kissing Magnus in the hot tub? He’d nearly passed out when he realized what he’d done, panicked that he’d ruined everything. The way he’d kissed Magnus… Magnus had to know that wasn’t how friends kissed each other, didn’t he? But then Magnus followed him into the pool and everything was normal. And now—

Magnus shrugged. “Not a fan of underwater kissing?”

Alec sputtered, searching for words.

“It’s not exactly the easiest thing, I’ll admit, takes practice.” Magnus trailed his fingers through the water aimlessly.

Alec watched Magnus closely for a moment, his heart had never beat so fast and he’d never wanted to kiss Magnus more but…this wasn’t real, he reminded himself. It was his only chance at something like this with Magnus, and all of it was fake. What was Magnus doing? Having fun? Of course, Alec thought, Magnus never passed up the opportunity for a little fun. It wasn’t his fault, he didn’t know how Alec felt. How could he? Alec had spent the last six years doing everything he could to hide the fact that he was in love with Magnus from Magnus. If Magnus knew, he’d never play with him like this.

When Magnus’ gaze dropped idly to Alec’s lips, Alec didn’t even think. If this was his only chance to know what it would be like to date Magnus, be with Magnus, what was he doing wasting it?

Alec moved closer, backing Magnus up against the edge of the pool. Magnus smirked, lowering his eyes, long lashes brushing against his cheek.

“What are you doing?” Magnus whispered though he didn’t seem to be complaining as he slipped his hands under water, resting them on Alec’s waist.

Alec suppressed a shiver, pressing closer. “What do you want me to be doing?” he asked, feeling a bit like he was in some alternate universe. Never in a million years had this occurred to him when he was thinking through all the possible outcomes of this week. This couldn’t be real.

“I think you know,” Magnus whispered, leaning forward until their lips brushed.

Alec pushed the wet hair from Magnus’ face, wiping away a fleck of glitter that remained on his cheekbone even after taking his makeup off before swimming. Alec pulled away for one second, hovering above Magnus, wanting to drag the moment out as long as possible because no way this was real. He had to be dreaming. He felt torn in half, one part of him insisting this was real and a terrible idea. The other urging him to take his chance, whispering that maybe, just maybe this was his moment. Alec was the one who was going to end up hurt here, but he could take that. What he couldn’t take was if they did something to ruin their friendship.

Unfortunately, apparently Alec lost all self-control when Magnus was looking at him like that, eyes shining with intent, lips so close, breath mingling. Alec leaned in, bringing their mouths back together and immediately sighing into the kiss. This was it, what he’d always wanted. It felt so… _right_.

Alec was just tilting his head to deepen the kiss when —

“Alec! You out here, man?”

Alec tore himself away from Magnus, face flushing as Jace appeared at the side of the pool. Magnus laughed, burying his head in Alec’s shoulder, whole body shaking distractedly.

“That would be a yes,” Jace sneered. “Sorry, didn’t mean to interrupt.”

“Wow,” Simon said, appearing at Jace’s side. Alec resisted the urge to hide his no doubt reddened face in Magnus’ shoulder since Magnus was already laughing into his. “So this is…real. Wow.”

Alec looked up, glaring as he quickly moved away from Magnus. This was good, he thought, he’d been doing something stupid anyway.

“Did you need something?” he asked, shoving away all thoughts of what had just been happening. His heart thudded along, as confused as the rest of him.

“Can we talk?” Jace asked, nodding off to the side.

Alec nodded, swimming to the edge of the pool to pull himself out. “Hurry back,” Magnus called, still laughing to himself. Alec knew he was teasing but felt his face flush even brighter anyway.

Grabbing his towel from Jace, Alec followed his brother and Simon into the pool house to dry off.

“I’m happy for you, Alec,” Simon was saying as they walked. “You two seem happy together.”

Alec cleared his throat. “Right. Thanks,” he mumbled, drying off and pulling his shirt that Jace had grabbed back on. “Now what’s up?”

Jace started pacing at once, running his hands through his hair. “Okay, you know I love Clary, right? And I want to marry her more than anything, yeah?”

“Yes,” both Alec and Simon said, nodding.

“Good,” Jace said. He breathed out deeply as he came to a stop before them. “I hate you Simon but I need both of you to make sure I don’t do something stupid because I always do something stupid.”

“Rude,” Simon muttered.

“What are you talking about?” Alec asked, focusing solely on Jace, happy for the distraction.

Jace sighed, pulling his hair lightly. “I’m a screw up. I always screw something up and I know I’m going to panic and try to run or do something stupid and it’s up to you two to make sure that doesn’t happen.”

Alec shook his head, grabbing Jace by the shoulders when he tried to start pacing again. “Jace,” he said sternly. “You’ve screwed up, a lot. But you’ve also grown up a lot. You aren’t going to mess this up, okay? But, if it makes you feel better, Si and I will keep a close eye on you, just to be sure.”

Jace breathed out deeply again, closing his eyes before nodding. “Thank you,” he whispered.

“Of course, you’re my brother. And this is my job, as best man,” he added.

“It’s not my job but I won’t let you ruin my best friend’s big day,” Simon added, patting Jace’s back reassuringly.

Jace rolled his eyes, pulling away from the two of them. “Go back to your man,” he ordered, making Alec flush again. “Simon has night shift since we’re sharing a room.”

“You’re sharing a room?” Alec asked, frowning. “Are you planning on killing him before the wedding?”

Jace rolled his eyes. “Clary decided we shouldn’t share a room until the wedding.”

“Have fun,” Alec called as they walked off. “Just call if you need help burying the body.”

“Have fun with Magnus,” Jace called back, flipping him off over his shoulder.

Alec stayed in the pool house, back to the actual pool, trying to remember how to breathe. Whatever had been happening in the pool was a terrible idea. He couldn’t do this. It wasn’t real. He breathed deeply. He just needed ground rules. No touching or kissing or any of that unless other people were around. This was all to convince others they were together after all. Nothing more. Nothing less.

When Alec finally stepped back outside, Magnus was drying off, slipping his shirt back on, but leaving it unbuttoned. “We should probably get some sleep,” Magnus said, turning to face him with a crooked smile that made Alec’s heart ache. “Early morning and all.”

“Right,” Alec said, still focused on his breathing, in and out. If he focused on his breathing he could ignore the fact that he now knew what Magnus tasted like, what his lips felt like, what it was like to have Magnus’ hard body pressed up against his.

Breathe, Lightwood, he reminded himself half a dozen times as they rode the elevator up to their floor.

Alec locked himself in the bathroom quickly, offering to shower that night so Magnus could have it in the morning. When he got out, after the longest cold shower of his life, Magnus was fast asleep under the blankets. He’d even put up the pillow wall, Alec saw, smiling despite the ache in his chest. Because this wasn’t real, that’s why they needed a pillow wall. They were just friends. Nothing more. Nothing less.

Alec breathed in and out, steadying himself as he crawled into bed. He already knew he’d barely sleep that night.

***

Magnus was the first to wake up. Turning over in bed, he came up against the pillow wall, hearing Alec breath deep and steady on the other side, still fast asleep. Magnus glared at the pillow wall, stacked three high, even though he’d been the one to demand extra pillows from the front desk and put it up. The bed was cold with a wall between them.

Magnus had decided at some point the night before, in the pool, to have fun, enjoy this. It was a fun experiment, seeing what it would be like to date Alec. Sure, it wasn’t real but that’s why it was perfect. He could see what it was like, have fun, and then everything would go back to normal when they got home.

Of course, the reality of it was a little more complicated. Magnus didn’t really know what exactly had come over him the night before.

He’d be lying to himself if he said it’d never occurred to him before, this. Kissing Alec. Being with Alec. He’d entertained the thought more than once. When he was drunk and sad and wanted someone to comfort him in a more psychical way. And when he was sober and happy and keenly aware of the fact that Alec was his favorite person in the world. They even had a deal, if they were both still single when they were thirty, they’d marry each other. And Magnus had thought about that, about what it would be like, more times than he would ever admit, but it was just an… innocent fantasy. Wasn’t it?

He hadn’t really thought there was anything like that between them. But there was definitely a sort of longing passion behind that kiss the night before.

He had the sinking feeling that things were going to get more complicated than he wanted by the time the weekend ended yet he found he didn’t really mind. They’d pretend, just for a bit. And if it was a little for Magnus’ sake on top of Alec’s parents and everyone’s else's well…sue him.

It was nothing, Magnus told himself again and again as he showered and dressed. Nothing, he repeated doing his hair and makeup. Just because Alec was the only person to ever kiss him quite like that, even though Alec was the only person to stick around in Magnus’ life who Magnus might, occasionally, want to kiss… It didn’t have to mean anything.

He took a deep breath before stepping out of the bathroom, met with the sight of Alec, pants hanging low on his hips, facing away from Magnus, shirtless.

“Hey,” Alec said, turning to face him.

Magnus’ eyes innocently roamed over Alec’s abs and chest, something he’d seen many times yet still caught him off guard. “Isabelle called, we’re supposed to meet for breakfast in like five minutes. You ready?”

Magnus tore his eyes from Alec’s chest as he pulled his shirt on. A shame, Magnus thought, even while nodding.

Before they could open the door, there was a knock. Magnus frowned, pulling it open to find Clary, who had a very serious look on her face, beckoning for Magnus to follow her. “I have a crisis, hurry,” she said, turning back down the hall without another word.

“Meet you down at breakfast, darling,” Magnus said, idly waving at Alec over his shoulder. He quickly followed Clary, touching her arm to slow her down. “Did something happen? You aren’t having cold feet already are you?” Magnus asked all teasing gone.

Clary stopped outside her own room, shaking her head. “No, I’m fine. It’s not me I’m worried about.”

“Jace?” Magnus asked.

Clary shook her head again. “ _You.”_

“Me? I’m fine,” Magnus said, honestly surprised.

“Oh really? Because I’m confused as I know for a fact that you are not dating Alec,” Clary snapped, her voice getting louder by the minute.

Magnus took a step back, caught off guard. “I told you, we’re just pretending, clearly, to get Alec’s parents off his back.”

Clary rubbed her forehead, sighing. “Are you sure this is a good idea, Magnus?”

“What? Of course. Why wouldn’t it be?”

Clary leveled her fiercest gaze at him, giving him a no-nonsense look. “Jace and Simon saw you in the pool last night. From what they were saying, it didn’t look fake. These things never end well, Magnus.”

Magnus scoffed. “What, in movies? This is real life, Biscuit, and he’s my best friend. That’s all. I’m old enough to know what I am doing. Sure, I admit, goading him into kissing me last night probably wasn’t my best moment but I won’t do it again,” he said, making his mind up as he said it. He was playing with fire, he thought once again, he should not be testing it like this if he hoped not to get burned.

Clary sighed, reaching out to squeeze Magnus’ arm. “Just…be careful. Please.”

“I’m always careful, Biscuit, don’t worry about me,” Magnus said, smiling softly. “This week is about you, nothing else.”

A few minutes later, after Clary showed Magnus her dress that just got back from its final fitting, they made their way down to breakfast. Jace stood from the small table that held their friends, kissing Clary’s cheek and pulling her chair out for her. Magnus smirked, winking obscenely at Alec and resisting the urge to do more as he sat down across from him. This might be a little harder than anticipated, Magnus thought, something fluttering in his chest when Alec smiled at him.

***

“Okay, so bachelor and bachelorette parties,” Isabelle announced as they all sat down to eat, rubbing her hands together gleefully. “What’s the plan? Strippers? Lots of alcohol I hope?”

Clary and Jace shared a look while Alec raised his eyebrow, slightly disgusted. “Please no strippers.”

“Not female strippers, silly,” Isabelle said, raising her mimosa in a toast. “Male strippers.”

“If Clary gets strippers, I get strippers,” Jace said. When Clary glared at him, he raised his hands. “Not that I want strippers.”

“If Clary gets strippers, I’m going to the bachelorette party,” Alec deadpanned.

Magnus snorted next to him. “I, for one, would like to go to both parties, if there are going to be strippers.”

Isabelle gave them a strange look, frowning slightly but, before the stripper conversation could go any further, Clary spoke up. “There will be no strippers,” she said sternly.

“Oh thank god,” Simon sighed at the other end of the table. Isabelle reached over, squeezing his hand while Alec rolled his eyes.

“The only reason I agreed to this kind of wedding was that we’d all get to spend time together before Jace and I are married and moving away,” Clary continued, looking at each of them sternly. “So we’re only having one party.”

Magnus and Isabelle pretended to be upset about not having strippers. Clary rolled her eyes at Alec and he smiled fondly. “I, for one,” Alec said, talking above the others. “Think that’s a great idea.”

“Prude,” Isabelle mumbled but nevertheless held up her drink again, for a toast. “To joint parties and no strippers.”

“There will be alcohol, right?” Magnus asked, sharing a mock terrified look with Isabelle.

“Yes,” Clary said, exasperated.

“A lot,” Jace grinned.

“Cars will pick us up at eight,” Clary explained. “To take us to a bar a little ways away.”

“One question,” Magnus said, leaning forward. Alec had been doing his best not to look at Magnus throughout breakfast, he still felt unsettled after the night before. He knew there was no way the kiss had meant to Magnus what it did to Alec. He couldn’t have felt the sparks, it didn’t make his heart race, it was all in Alec’s head. When the week was over, everything would go back to normal, like none of this had ever even happened. And Alec didn’t know what to do with that. He finally looked up at Magnus, who was grinning, eyes shining, eyebrows raised. Three more days, Alec thought and then it would be like this hadn’t even happened.

“Will there be karaoke?”

Clary nodded.

“Yes!” Izzy said, high fiving Magnus.

“Oh god,” Alec groaned. “This is going to be embarrassing.” There was an unspoken rule that Magnus and Isabelle were not allowed to do karaoke, it always led to terrible things. Usually, them getting kicked out of wherever they happened to be. There wasn’t a bar that did karaoke in a five-mile radius around Alec and Magnus’ apartment, that they hadn’t been kicked out of.

“Shut up,” Magnus smirked, throwing a wadded-up napkin across the table at him.

“Make me,” Alec replied without thinking.

“Ooooh,” Isabelle called. “Do it. Make him.”

“Oh my god, Izzy,” Alec groaned, feeling his face go red and dropping his head into his hands.

“Maybe later,” Magnus winked.

Isabelle sighed, falling quiet.

“So what do we do today?” Simon asked, saving Alec from further embarrassment. “Are their maid of honor duties I haven’t been made aware of Fray?”

“Nope,” Clary said, popping a grape into her mouth. “I told Maryse and Mom that it’s up to them. I wanted a small wedding in the gallery, they insisted on this so they get to do all the work.”

“You’re way too calm about this,” Isabelle sighed. “When I get married, I will plan every single detail myself.”

Alec looked up in time to see Simon’s face lose every ounce of color, making him smirk.

“Oh relax,” Isabelle said, patting her boyfriend’s shoulder. “I’m not proposing — yet.”

Simon’s eyes went wide as he choked on a bite of waffle, waving everyone away when they asked if he was okay.

Alec was distracted from wedding talk when Magnus’ foot suddenly brushed against his ankle under the table. Alec glanced at him, which was a mistake, his breath hitching, butterflies taking flight as their eyes locked, Magnus’ whole face radiated mischief as his foot trailed up Alec’s leg slowly.

“What about you two?”

Alec glared at Magnus who smirked back.

“Earth to Malec,” Isabelle sing-songed.

“What?” Alec asked, turning to her, face flushing as he realized she was talking to them. Magnus let his foot drop and Alec’s body temperature dropped with it, heart stalling before beating on again.

Magnus laughed. “What did you call us?”

“It’s your ship name, I came up with it myself. Magnus and Alec, Malec.” Isabelle shrugged, looking proud.

Alec rolled his eyes. “You have too much time on your hands.”

“So? What about you? Dream wedding?” Izzy asked, eyebrows dancing.

Alec’s face flushed and he immediately looked away, staring down at his half empty plate before downing the rest of his drink.

“I, personally, prefer Clarissa’s idea,” Magnus said thoughtfully. Alec looked up to see Magnus staring at him intently. For the deception, Alec reminded himself, stomach tying itself in knots. “Something small. Outside, though. Maybe in the park. Alec will have to wear something hideous, can’t have him attempting to upstage me.”

“I, of course, will be maid of honor,” Isabelle said.

“Co-maid of honor,” Clary corrected.

Alec stared resolutely down at his plate; he couldn’t breathe. Because this wasn’t just a joke, this was everything he’d never let himself admit to wanting that would never happen.

“Who do you think will propose?” Jace asked.

Magnus tilted his head, seeming to think. Alec couldn’t feel his heart anymore. “Hard to say. I guess I’m hopelessly romantic though. I’ve always dreamed of being proposed too.”

“Are you kidding,” Izzy teased with a laugh. “They’re that adorable couple who will end up proposing to each other at the same time.”

Magnus inclined his head, smile taking over most of his beautiful face. “I do like that idea,” he said, winking across the table at Alec. “What do you think, Alexander?”

“I —” Alec stood suddenly, breaking eye contact with Magnus who was smiling this small little smile that was doing strange things to Alec’s body, though not wholly terrible. “Shouldn’t we be going? Doing…something?” he suggested.

Clary quickly jumped to her feet, coming to his rescue. “Let’s go to the beach.”

“Yes, beach. Let’s,” Alec said, ignoring Magnus’ gaze which he could still feel drilling into him.

“Perfect,” Izzy grinned. “I’ve been waiting for a chance to show off my new bathing suit.”

“Me too,” Jace said.

Alec glanced at him, unable to tell if he was kidding or not. Alec’s ears burned and white noise started at the base of his skull, filling his head. He needed to get out of there, now.

“You know,” Isabelle said idly as they walked, glancing over at Alec and Magnus who walked beside him but whom Alec was pointedly not looking at. “For two people who should be in the honeymoon phase of your relationship, you aren’t really touchy feely now are you?”

Alec barely held himself back from sighing, this was far more work than he’d planned, couldn’t Isabelle just lay off?

Magnus was the one to speak, clearly reading Alec’s mood as, instead of flirting, he waved it away. “We’re just not much into PDA.”

“That’s not what I heard.”

Alec glanced at Izzy sharply. Isabelle held her hands up. “Don’t blame me,” she said nodding at Jace, who stopped at the elevator a few feet in front of them.

“I’m going to kill him,” Alec mumbled. He was really, really trying not to think of the night before and they were not making it easy. Alec hated this, he’d gotten over most his shyness in college but when confronted with his feelings for Magnus, he felt at a complete loss. They were so much easier to ignore when he wasn’t in a fake relationship with the object of his affection. Why had he thought this was a good idea again?

The elevator arrived just as they did. Alec didn’t think out what he did next. All he could think was he couldn’t survive this week without kissing Magnus again, justifying it by this being the whole reason they’d practiced the night before.

Alec reached out, putting a hand on Magnus’ shoulder and stopping him from getting in the elevator with the others.

Magnus frowned, looking up at him. “What are—”

Magnus’ question was cut off as Alec stepped close, pushing him back against the nearest wall. He ducked just slightly to bring their lips together, gasping when Magnus leaned in, immediately kissing back. Alec didn’t know what he was doing, his heart beat so loud he was sure Magnus could hear it, so hard he was sure it would burst out of his chest any minute now. Magnus didn’t hesitate, hands slipping around Alec’s back, clenching in Alec’s dark shirt, pulling him closer as he angled his head to deepen the kiss.

Alec was quickly lost in the sensation of kissing Magnus. He didn’t know if it was because this was Magnus – beautiful, amazing Magnus who surely was an amazing kisser – or because he was in love with him, but, despite having kissed many people, it’d never felt like this. His insides on fire; butterflies fluttering in his stomach; head spinning like he wasn’t getting enough oxygen but who needed oxygen when Magnus was so close? His pulse thrummed as his own heartbeat blocked out the sounds of everyone in the elevator whistling and catcalling until the doors slid shut.

Alec was only vaguely aware of what was going on around him but he noticed the elevator shut and start off on its journey, meaning he could stop kissing Magnus now. Any second. Right now. He should probably pull back, he thought, pressing closer. And then Magnus’ tongue was in his mouth, brushing against his own and he forgot whatever it was he’d been thinking about. Tilting his head to regain control of the kiss, one hand sliding up Magnus’ side, the other cupping his face, his thumb lightly brushing over Magnus’ cheek.

He didn’t know how much time had passed but it must’ve been a few minutes at least, their breath mingling, tongues dancing. Alec didn’t know how he was still standing, feeling light headed as his heart continued to race.

“You’re right.” Alec only just managed not to jump and bite down on Magnus’s bottom lip as Isabelle’s voice came from the elevator. “They are disgustingly in love.”

Alec broke away from Magnus then, breathing in raggedly as his brain caught up and he realized what they’d been doing and that he should not have been doing it. Isabelle and the others were back, changed for the beach already. Alec quickly made to move away from Magnus but Magnus held him in place, one hand in Alec’s back pocket, the other at his hip.

Alec felt himself flush and couldn’t bring himself to look at Magnus, staring over at Isabelle instead.

Clary and Simon were whispering, laughing about something. Isabelle grinned widely looking…proud? While Jace appeared bored.

“If you can tear yourselves apart long enough to go get changed, we’ll be down at the beach,” Izzy said, smirking before walking off.

“Dude,” Simon said, shaking his head slowly as he passed. “Get a room.”

The four of them disappeared with a lot of giggling and Alec closed his eyes. “For four grown adults, they really do act like children,” he muttered.

Realizing he was avoiding looking at Magnus who still held him close, Alec forced his eyes open again. Magnus was staring right at him and Alec’s heart skipped, he got the feeling Magnus hadn’t looked away from him once since they broke apart. His eyes were wide, mouth open, a delicious flush to his cheeks visible even through his makeup.

As Alec watched, Magnus swallowed audibly, eyes fluttering for a minute.

Fuck, Alec thought, panic making it hard to breathe. This was his best friend, what was he doing?

Magnus opened his mouth but, before he could say anything, Alec stepped away, Magnus’ hands falling from him without hesitation this time. “We should get changed,” Alec said, hurrying to the already open elevator. He couldn’t deal with this. He couldn’t look at Magnus when Magnus looked like that and Alec’s heart was still beating erratically and he could still feel the ghost of Magnus’ lips on his, when he couldn’t even remember how long they’d stood there, kissing. God, Alec thought struggling to keep a cool, calm exterior, that was not how best friends acted.

“Alec,” Magnus said just as the elevator arrived. He didn’t sound hoarse and wrecked Alec told himself, it was nothing.

Alec slipping into the elevator, turning to face Magnus with a blank expression. “Guess they believe us now,” he said.

Magnus’ face fell for a second, mouth turned down, something akin to hurt in his eyes but it passed quickly and Alec was sure he must’ve imagined it.

“Yeah,” Magnus finally said, stepping into the elevator just before it could close. “You were very convincing.”

***

“You okay?” Jace asked.

Magnus glanced over, lowering his sunglasses to raise an eyebrow. “Fine,” he said, sliding his sunglasses back into place and going back to staring blankly up at the bright summer sky, where perfect fluffy clouds floated by. Magnus’ eyes, however, were locked on the storm clouds on the horizon as he tanned. He could hear Alec shouting and laughing with Max and Izzy in the water a few feet away, while Clary buried Simon in the sand off to the side.

“If you’re sure,” Jace said, stretching out on a towel next to Magnus. “You seem…off.”

“I’m sure,” Magnus said dryly. He appreciated Jace’s concern but he was fine. Wasn’t he?

Okay, sure he felt a little…off. There was this strange swooping in his gut when he thought about what had happened in the hallway. And he couldn’t bring himself to look at Alec because every time he did his heart did this weird leap then fall thing that wasn’t entirely pleasant. But he was fine besides that. He probably hadn’t slept enough or something. Jet lag.

It was perfectly normal to be left reeling and breathless after a kiss like that. Magnus hadn’t known Alec was capable of kissing like that. Sure, the pool the night before had been…amazing. No one had ever kissed Magnus with so much…care. _Love._ Magnus shook his head, getting off track. But the kiss in the hallway? That was something else entirely. Full of passion and, Magnus dared to think, desire. If Alec kissed like that and looked like he did (plus his lovely personality and endless kindness) Magnus was honestly befuddled, how did he not have a boyfriend? Fuck, a husband? Who would let all that go?

“So, you and Alec?” Jace said.

Magnus glanced over, raising an eyebrow again. Jace wore nothing but swimming trunks, all his golden perfection on display to get even tanner. Hair perfectly swooped back.

“I came here to tan, not for the company.”

The truth was, Alec was far better at this fake relationship than Magnus was, something he hadn’t expected. Everything Alec did caught him off guard which was stupid both for the deception and in general. He really had not thought this through.

“Come on, man. Just tell me, is it going good?” Jace pressed. “I don’t want to have to kill you if you break his heart.”

Magnus sat up, looking towards the water where Isabelle and Max seemed to have teamed up on Alec, both climbing all over him as he just stood there, water barely coming up to his thighs. Magnus’ eyes lingered on his bare skin, glistening in the summer heat. There was a wide smile on his face, his laugh — loud and unhindered — rang out across the beach.

“That won’t be necessary,” Magnus said, speaking softly, mind spinning because, hello they were going to “break up” and he really wasn’t sure if Jace was serious about killing him or not.

“No?” Jace asked, sitting up and following Magnus’ gaze to where Alec was walking deeper into the water, Isabelle sitting on his shoulders. “You aren’t going to break his heart?”

Magnus shook his head slowly because no, he would never break Alec’s heart. Not that that was what this was… It wasn’t possible to break Alec’s heart, it wasn’t his to break. Magnus cleared his throat, looking away and focusing instead on where Clary was burying Simon in the sand. “We have a deal,” Magnus said. “If it doesn’t work, us being together, then it doesn’t work. No broken hearts. No ruined friendships.”

Jace patted Magnus’ shoulder, shocking him. “I don’t think that’s how it works, buddy,” he said before standing and shouting towards Alec who was now engaged in a splash war against his younger siblings. “Don’t worry Alec, I got your back,” he called, racing toward the water.

Magnus groaned, falling back on his towel. He needed to get his shit together. So, Alec was a good kisser. So, Magnus was seeing a whole new side of him. It meant nothing. They were friends, having a little fun. It was vacation, nothing here counted.

Fuck, it would be easier if Alec was a terrible kisser though, he thought groaning again.

“Magnus!” Clary’s voice cut through his thoughts. “Come help me bury Si,” she laughed, waving him over.

Magnus sighed, giving up on his peaceful tanning and moving to help her. He should at least try to have fun after all.

***

“I surrender!” Alec shouted as all three of his siblings jumped on him, pushing him down into the water. “I surrender,” he repeated, trying not to swallow water as he laughed, pushing Jace and Max away as he tried to shake Izzy off his back. “Have mercy!”

“Never!” Isabelle shouted, holding on tighter, arms and legs wrapped around him like some sort of monkey.

Alec breathed out deeply, catching his breath as Max and Jace started another splash war with each other.

“Come on, shrimp, you can do better than that,” Jace teased, catching Max in the water and throwing him over his shoulder.

Alec shook his head, ignoring Max’s cries for help, making his way back to the beach. “Are you just going to stay there?” he laughed as Isabelle’s hair dripped down his back.

“Maybe,” Izzy laughed, not jumping off his back until they were safely on the beach again where she patted his shoulder. “Thanks for the ride.”

Alec rolled his eyes, moving to where he’d left his towel a few feet away from where Simon had fallen asleep and Magnus and Clary were busy building an intricate sandcastle on top of where they’d buried him in the sand.

Alec laughed softly, drying off. “Isn’t that a little excessive?” he asked as they worked on a fourth tower.

Magnus shrugged. “This is what happens when you fall asleep after being buried in the sand,” he said, turning to look up at Alec with a smirk that quickly faded, his eyes narrowing, mouth forming a straight line as his gaze roamed up and down Alec.

Flushing, Alec looked away. He cleared his throat, shoving his hand through his hair. “The water’s nice,” he said, the first thing to occur to him making his flush deepen. He could feel Magnus’ gaze still on him, even as he stared down at Simon, toeing some sand in Simon’s face.

“Yeah,” Magnus said, somewhere between a question and a statement, voice sounding slightly hoarse.

“Yeah.” Alec looked up, meeting his gaze again, swallowing at the intensity in Magnus’ eyes that rooted him to the spot. Alec’s mind immediately flashed back to the hallway, to the kiss. He’d always wanted to kiss Magnus like that but somehow it was worse now that he’d done it than it was when he had no idea what it would feel like.

His chest ached hollowly, knowing it meant nothing to Magnus but at least he knew what it was like. Even if it made it worse. At least he knew it wasn’t just a crush, wasn’t just because Magnus was there the way it’d been forever ago when he’d had a crush on Jace. He knew once and for all, as if there was every any doubt, that he was one hundred percent in love with Magnus Bane. And maybe he couldn’t have Magnus forever, like he wanted, but he could have the rest of the week and that would just have to be good enough.

“See something you like?” Alec finally teased, gasping in air like he’d briefly forgotten he needed it to breathe. He smirked when Magnus’ eyes went wide and Isabelle snorted behind him, laid out on her towel.

Magnus’ eyes danced with familiar mischief as he licked his lips and Alec had to tell himself again and again that it was just an act. It _wasn’t_ real. It wasn’t _real_. “Nah, not really.”

Alec snorted, throwing his towel at Magnus, not letting his eyes drop to Magnus’ own bare chest.

Knocking aside the towel, Magnus stood, lightly touching Alec’s arm and nodding off to the side. “Can we talk?”

Throat suddenly dry, Alec nodded, following after him until they were far enough away not to be overheard. Who was he trying to kid? He could barely focus, barely breathe around Magnus. How had he survived six years of this? That was easy, actually. By pretending he didn’t have feelings. Telling himself again and again and again that Magnus didn’t feel that way about him and it was okay, because at least they were friends. At least Alec had Magnus in his life. But now. But _now_ , Magnus had kissed back. And there was a stupid, hopeful voice in the back of Alec’s head saying maybe he felt the same. A stupid, hopeful voice that turned him into an idiot as he tried to play things cool.

Magnus turned to him, looking anxious. Alec frowned, his own roaring emotions forgotten as that wasn’t something he was used to seeing on Magnus' face. “You okay?”

Taking a deep breath, Magnus nodded. He looked up, catching Alec’s gaze and just standing there for a few minutes staring before reaching out and taking Alec’s hand. Alec’s heart did not skip, nope. He was a grown ass man, his heart had long since stopped skipping when Magnus took his hand.

“We’re good, right?”

Alec tilted his head, confused even as his whole body went hot and he suddenly felt lightheaded, Magnus standing close enough that it would be all too easy to lean down and kiss him. “Of course,” Alec said when he could breathe again. “Why wouldn’t we be?”

Magnus glanced away, dropping Alec’s hand which definitely didn’t leave a hole in Alec’s chest. Alec observed him silently as he ran a hand through his hair, glaring when sand fell out. Eventually, Magnus sighed, shaking his head. “I don’t know,” he grumbled. “No reason, I guess. About the kissing, I didn’t mean to pressure—”

“It’s fine, Magnus,” Alec quickly cut in. “It’s just for the deception.”

Magnus bit his lip, nodding. “Right. But, you’ll tell me, if I go too far?”

“Of course, but you won’t. It’s just fun, right? Was the kiss in the hall—”

“No,” Magnus quickly said, shaking his head. “It was fine… Good.”

Alec had never felt so uncomfortable around Magnus before, staring at each other without really looking, avoiding eye contact. He hated it. This was why he’d never let himself do something like this before.

Alec caught himself reaching out for Magnus, stopping right before his hand could touch Magnus’ arm. Alec really couldn’t focus on this strange conversation when Magnus wasn’t wearing a shirt, it was unfair.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” he asked, unconsciously stepping closer until Magnus had to look up slightly to meet his eyes. Life would be easier, he thought staring into Magnus’ eyes, if he could stop over thinking everything. If he could just…stand there, lost in Magnus’ eyes.

Magnus’ Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed. “I—”

Alec hadn’t seen the storm clouds moving in, too wrapped up in Magnus to notice it fall darker. Until the rain started in a torrent, soaking them in seconds. Magnus gasped, pressing close to Alec as the sudden downpour of cold rain made him shiver.

“Fuck!” Simon shouted, followed by Isabelle and Clary laughing loudly. Alec glanced over his shoulder to see them quickly trying to unbury Simon who just kept repeating “really guys? Not cool. So not cool.” Jace and Max were running out of the water, grabbing up towels that were soaked and covered in sand.

Feeling Magnus shiver against him, Alec’s arm immediately came up around Magnus, pulling him close.

“Where the hell did this come from?” he asked over the sound of the rain belting down on the ocean. The dozen or so other people who’d been out were already running back to the hotel. Jace and Max helped finish unburying Simon, all of them now covered in mud.

“Run!” Isabelle yelled with a laugh, pulling on Simon’s arm and streaking past them.

“Wait,” Magnus said, holding Alec in place as he tried to move. The rain was coming down faster by the minute, making it hard to see even a few feet away.

“Wait?” Alec laughed. “Did you not notice the rain?” as he talked, rain dripped down his face, his hair thoroughly plastered to his forehead. “And you’re shivering,” Alec pointed out, rubbing his hands up and down Magnus’ arms which didn’t do much considering they were getting wetter by the second.

Magnus shrugged, tilting his head back to look up at the sky. “I love the rain,” he said, voice raised so Alec could hear.

“Can you love the rain from inside?” Alec asked, shivering himself now. He couldn’t see anything else around them anymore, the sun blocked out by the dark clouds, everything a wet blur around them.

“I guess,” Magnus said, looking back into Alec’s eyes.

For a moment, Alec had forgotten that they were playing pretend, that Magnus was currently anything other than his crazy best friend. Magnus’ heated look reminded him and confused him.

Alec quickly glanced away, clearing his throat. “We’re going to catch our deaths if we stay out any longer.”

Magnus lunged forward suddenly, brushing their lips together before turning and running off, leaving Alec thoroughly shocked. “Catch me if you can!” Magnus called back with a laugh.

“Cheater!” Alec shouted, taking off after Magnus without a second thought, his heart feeling like it was free falling through his chest. The beach was getting muddy, water kept getting in Alec’s eyes yet he found himself laughing, sliding along the beach, nearly catching up to Magnus before Magnus put on a last burst of speed and slipped out of his grasp, hurrying into the hotel lobby.

Alec skidded in behind him, grabbing Magnus arms to stop himself from falling, both of them laughing. Alec gasped for breath. “Cheater,” he repeated, shivering as he dripped water onto the hotel’s marble floor.

Magnus shivered, pressing close to Alec for warmth. Alec repressed a shiver of his own as Magnus laughed again, the sound vibrating along Alec’s skin, his breath warm against Alec’s neck when he wrapped his arms tight around Alec, burying his head in Alec’s shoulder. Magnus’ wet hair made Alec even colder but he didn’t complain.

Alec knew he shouldn’t but he couldn’t help closing his eyes, holding Magnus close, savoring the moment as his heart rate slowed, butterflies swarming in his stomach. He was lightheaded, senses overwhelmed with Magnus; the smell of sunblock, Magnus’ kiwi shampoo, and rain. The press of Magnus’ hard body against his; Magnus’ breath exhaled against his bare skin, conjuring images he tried his hardest to push away. All he could hear was Magnus’ shallow breathing and his own steady heartbeat. Opening his eyes, all he saw was Magnus, who pulled back slightly to look up at him, biting his lower lip temptingly.

Magnus’ hair was a wet mess atop his head. Without thinking, Alec reached out, pushing a strand behind his ear. The little bit of makeup he’d had on smeared under his wide eyes. Breath catching in the back of his throat, Alec didn’t even bother trying to lie to himself, Magnus looked far too adorable right then and he was smitten.

Alec had no idea who leaned in, his mind went blank, even the little voice that liked to tell him what a terrible idea this was, had gone away. Alec’s eyes were locked on Magnus as their lips brushed lightly, once, twice. His eyes were just fluttering closed when Magnus turned away with a soft laugh.

Alec’s eyes flew open, heart pounding.

Magnus looked up at him before nodding to the side. “We have an audience,” he whispered.

Alec looked around, face flaming. He’d completely forgotten they were standing in the middle of the entryway to the hotel. Not only were their friends standing off to the side, Max with his phone up, likely filming them with a shit eating smile on his face. But half a dozen other customers and wedding guests who must’ve arrived while they were at the beach, also watched.

“Right,” Alec muttered, lowering his head as he heard his siblings laughing at them.

Magnus bumped his head against Alec’s, his small teasing smile making him forget all about his humiliation.

Until his parents arrived suddenly.

“Is it raining?” Maryse asked.

Alec pulled back from Magnus, frowning. If he didn’t know his mother like he did, he’d almost think she was teasing them. Isabelle snorted, and Alec saw Jace burying his head in Clary’s shoulder to stifle a laugh.

Magnus grabbed his hand, sending a shock through Alec’s body. “Just a little.”

***

“To Jace and Clary, may they actually go through with this wedding,” Simon called out a toast.

Magnus smirked, knocking his glass with the others. They were at a small bar a half hour from the hotel. Tiki lights hung from the low roof, the chairs were made from bamboo and the decorations were kind of all over the place though Magnus supposed it worked. There was a small stage for karaoke off to the side, a few pool tables, and some dart boards. Not to mention the fourth wall that was all glass doors that opened out onto a patio overlooking the beach. Magnus imagined it would be a beautiful spot, if it weren’t still raining.

Magnus threw back his shot with the others before waving to the bartender for another round. He couldn’t help but notice the bartender was hot, nicely tanned, with long, shaggy hair. He was surprised to note that he wasn’t all that disappointed that he couldn’t flirt with the bartender. Maybe it had something to do with Alec leaning close, their sides pressed together. Or maybe it had to do with the fact that he still couldn’t stop thinking of the kiss in the hallway or the way they’d teased and flirted — Magnus wasn't sure Alec knew he’d been flirting but it was definitely flirting — as Maryse ordered them around the rest of the day.

Magnus found himself staring at Alec as he threw his head back, laughing at something Jace was saying. Magnus felt strange again, had felt strange all day. It was just that…this didn’t feel fake. He’d thought it would be fun and a little awkward, that they would be laughing the whole time, tricking their friends into thinking they were together. But he wasn’t laughing. Not at all. He imagined doing this with Raphael or Ragnor, even Catarina. Fake kissing would never work as they’d burst into laughter before their lips ever touched. But this, the way Alec kissed him, there was nothing funny or fake about it.

A soft buzzing started at the base of his skull as he forced his gaze away from Alec. They were friends, best friends. That was all. Wasn’t it? But then…why were Magnus’ eyes constantly drawn back to Alec? A stupid, smitten smile on his face that he only noticed when Clary elbowed him, giving him a knowing look. And, Magnus thought, mind turning even further back. Why had he not had a serious relationship in…years? Even a date in months? Choosing instead to spend every free moment with Alec. He’d always told himself it was because, after Camille and everyone else, he was over that. That he needed to focus on his career and his friends and he was completely content with that. But then, Ragnor was always teasing them, saying they were practically married. And, last week, when Magnus showed up to drinks in an especially good mood, Raphael had joked in his emotionless way that Magnus must’ve finally banged the roommate as he so charmingly put it.

Why was everything suddenly seeming like a big deal? So, he’d blown off that beautiful woman he was on the verge of hooking up with last month because Alec had a sudden craving for tacos and asked Magnus if he wanted to come with. So, they cuddled a little sometimes when they were up late watching terrible horror movies. They were friends. Friends did those things. All the time.

Magnus threw back his third shot the second it was placed before him. Nearly falling off his stool when Alec touched his hand. Magnus glanced up, right into Alec’s eyes. They’d always been stunning but now, turned down at the corners, concern for Magnus bright within them, he found himself falling.

“You okay?” Alec leaned in to ask softly.

Magnus’ heart pounded, thrashing around like it was locked in a cage, trying to escape. He felt, just then, as if he were standing on the edge of some big realization and it terrified him.

Letting his breath out slowly, Magnus nodded, forcing a smirk to his face. “Perfect,” he said. He decided right then, with Alec smiling brightly at him, their friends laughing around him, that he wouldn’t think anymore tonight. For the rest of the night, there would be no teasing or flirting or kissing. He and Alec would just be friends. He felt like he needed that reminder before he lost his mind.

***

The night was filled with far too much alcohol, an obscene amount of toasting to the bride and groom, and a very intense dart competition.

“It’s not fair,” Jace groaned, slurring his words slightly as he lost to Alec. “You have an unfair advantage.”

Alec cocked an eyebrow, inclining his head.

“You’re an archer!” Jace all but shouted. Luckily, they were pretty much the only ones in the bar, the continuous rain keeping everyone else away.

Alec snorted. “So I took archery when I was little, you could’ve too, if you hadn’t been so busy chasing girls.”

Jace glared, slumping back down on his stool nearby. Isabelle, Clary, and Simon — who’d all been knocked out of the dart championship quickly — were crowded around a pool table, laughing their drunken asses off. As far as Alec could tell, they weren’t actually playing so much as occasionally attempting to lazily knock a ball into a hole.

“Guess it’s just me and you,” a low, silky voice teased in Alec’s ear as Magnus came up behind him.

Alec turned to Magnus, smirking. “You are so going down.”

“You wish,” Magnus snorted, handing Alec his drink and moving to retrieve the darts.

Alec would be lying if he said he wasn’t relieved, all night he and Magnus had been normal. No faking being boyfriends. Just being friends. He watched intently as Magnus lined up for his turn, eyeing the dartboard like it was his next victim.

“I’m confused, are you trying to win or seduce the dartboard?” Alec teased just as Magnus drew his arm back to throw his first dart.

Magnus paused, glaring over his shoulder. Alec bit back a laugh.

“I know what you’re doing.”

Alec raised both eyebrows, lips pressed together in his best innocent look.

Magnus turned back around, tossing the first dart without a second’s hesitation. Alec wasn’t surprised that Magnus was good at darts, having played against him before. Magnus was the only person he had to try to distract with trash talk.

“You’re trying to distract me, mess me up,” Magnus said casually.

Alec caught himself as his eyes dropped, looking over Magnus’ long, lean form, lingering on the muscles in his arms that showed as he carelessly threw another dart.

Clearing his throat, Alec stood up straight. “I would never.”

Magnus looked back long enough to smirk before training his eyes back on the dartboard. “Darling, everyone knows you hate to lose.”

Alec stuck his tongue out at Magnus’ back, his stomach doing a little pleasant twist when Magnus turned back in time to see it and laughed. “Very mature, Alexander.”

“Honestly,” Jace said loudly. “I don’t know how we didn’t see it before.”

Alec frowned. “See what?”

Jace waved between Magnus and Alec in an exaggerated fashion. “Literally everything that comes out of your mouths is flirting,” he exclaimed.

Alec felt himself blush, quickly looking away. Magnus turned back to the dartboard, a new tension in his back.

“Shut up, Jace,” Alec muttered.

Magnus finished his turn, moving to take back the darts so Alec could have a try. In the end, Magnus barely won. And if someone had accused Alec of letting it happen he would’ve adamantly denied it. He was just a little distracted was all. And it was worth losing, to see Magnus’ grin and the little happy dance he did when he won.

***

The night ended as most did when their group went out drinking, with being booed off the karaoke stage. Now, as Magnus always insisted, he was a really good singer. He just sucked at karaoke.

They started with everyone but Jace and Clary on stage, Magnus and Isabelle having to team up to drag Alec with them, singing the always appropriate “All of Me” dedicated to the bride and groom. Followed by all four of them crooning out the Adele classic, “Hello”. After which, Magnus and Simon sang a chilling rendition of ‘N Sync’s “It’s Gonna Be Me” as their table wolf whistled and cheered throughout the whole song, and Magnus definitely lost any chance he may have had with the bartender, not that he really cared. Anyone who didn’t appreciate his karaoke skills was not good enough for him, he’d thought. Alec, of course, stood, cheering the loudest when they finished. Magnus blamed the slight flush to his cheeks on all he’d drank that night.

When Clary finally got on the karaoke stage with Magnus and they sang “Party in The USA” with exaggerated hip movements, Magnus’ eyes once again dropped to Alec. Who watched intently, eyes narrowed in a way that had Magnus shivering before he forcefully reminded himself that they were friends. _Friends_ didn’t try to get each other riled up with sexy dancing.

Additionally, when Jace begged and pleaded and finally got Alec on stage with Simon and the three did Weezer’s “Buddy Holly” Magnus lost it. Nearly falling off his chair he was laughing so hard at Alec’s tortured facial expressions, barely making any effort to actually sing.

“Thank you, thank you!” Jace called, bowing though no one was clapping. “That was for my lovely fiancée who I will be marrying in… soon.”

Magnus snorted as Alec helped Jace, who nearly tripped off the stage, leaving Simon who started doing some god awful version of a rap song.

“Ex-fiancée after that,” Clary snorted as Jace fell into her side, clearly having had one too many drinks.

The booing off stage came when Isabelle, Clary and Magnus got up to sing a classic from High School Musical. That was when Alec insisted it was time to leave.

“But it’s my last night of freedom!” Simon groaned, tripping over his own feet.

Isabelle elbowed him in the side. “No, it’s not. It’s Clary’s. And she still has a little time.”

“Oh. Right,” Simon said, tripping on his way to the car that waited to take them back to the hotel.

Magnus lingered behind with Alec, who was by far the soberest of them, as he herded everyone into the car. “It’s a shame we had to leave,” Magnus sighed, stopping next to Alec who held the car door open for him.

“Why?” Alec frowned.

It was the middle of the night, a stiff breeze sending a shiver through Magnus. The rain had finally stopped but the fresh smell of it lingered. The moon peeking out behind clouds to illuminate Alec’s sharp face.

“I hadn’t figured out which sexy love song to dedicate to you yet,” Magnus teased with a wink before slipping into the car.

Alec snorted, following behind Magnus. As they headed off back to the hotel, Magnus leaned against Alec, letting his eyes close, he got comfortable. Half asleep, he couldn’t for the life of him remember why he hadn’t kissed Alec in the last few minutes. It sounded like such a good idea, he thought before drifting off to sleep.

***

Alec woke up late in the day, bright afternoon sun slipping through the windows in their hotel room. It took him a minute to realize what had woken him: Magnus, groaning loudly.

Alec slipped out of bed quickly, ignoring the way his heart palpated as he realized he’d never put the pillow wall up last night and he’d woken with Magnus pressed up close to him, the length of their bodies touching.

Quickly filling a glass with water and grabbing the aspirin he’d gotten from Izzy the night before, Alec went back to bed, sitting at Magnus’ side and holding out the glass and pills.

“Alexander,” Magnus groaned, voice hoarse, eyes squeezed shut against the sunlight. “You are my hero.”

Alec snorted, moving to close the blinds as Magnus sat up, swallowing the pills.

“Why did you let me drink so much?” Magnus groaned again.

“Let you? I couldn’t have stopped you if I tried.”

“Yeah, well,” Magnus said, shifting in bed to kick the covers off. “You should’ve at least had the decency to get drunk with the rest of us.”

Alec laughed, turning back to Magnus and briefly freezing, brain short circuiting. At some point apparently, Magnus had not only taken off his shirt but also his pants, leaving him in nothing but a tight pair of boxers. Alec quickly forced his eyes away, moving to his bag to grab the things for a shower.

When he turned back, Magnus was frowning down at himself. “I can’t even remember getting here,” he said thoughtfully, wincing as he rubbed his temples. “The last thing I remember is getting into the car.”

“Yeah, well, that makes sense,” Alec snorted. “You refused to wake up when we finally got back. You tried to bite me.”

Magnus smirked, revealing his sharp teeth. “Oops.”

“Yeah, oops,” Alec said, rolling his eyes. “I had to carry you inside. Thank god there’s an elevator here.”

Magnus froze, halfway out of bed. His eyes were wide, mouth turned down in confusion when their eyes met. “You carried me?”

Alec shrugged, turning away as his heart stupidly did somersaults. “It’s not like it’s the first time,” he said. “I’m gonna take the first shower, if you don’t mind.”

He glanced over his shoulder long enough to see Magnus wave him on before disappearing into the bathroom. Alec leaned back against the door heavily as soon as he closed it, breathing out deeply. He was so unbelievably screwed. He hadn’t thought it possible, for his crush or whatever you wanted to call it, to get worse but it was. So much worse. Now that he’d had just a small glimpse of what it would be like, he was so screwed.

***

Magnus had amazing friends, he’d always known this. But, sitting in bed, arms wrapped loosely around his knees as Alec showered in the other room, he couldn’t help but think once again of Raphael or Ragnor or hell, Isabelle and Jace even. Any of them were probably more than capable of carrying a drunk Magnus. But they never would. They’d tease him and torment him and make fun of him. They’d make sure he got home safe of course, because they were good people and great friends, but they wouldn’t carry Magnus so he wouldn’t have to wake up. Alec would though. He had. Many times.

He did all kinds of things; millions of small little things Magnus had stupidly overlooked forever. Things that went beyond something a decent friend did, even a best friend.

Magnus’ heart started beating faster, palms growing sweaty as a million memories played out in his mind. The thoughtless flirting between them that he’d never really paid attention to because Magnus flirted with everyone and most (fun) people flirted back. But it was always a little different, with Alec, wasn’t it? The way their gazes would linger on each other longer than necessary. The way Alec would act when Magnus had a date. Forced excitement for Magnus that Magnus could always tell wasn’t quite sincere but had chalked up to Alec being overly protective. The way, when they went out together, whether it was a casual dinner or a club or a fancy work thing, Alec stuck close to Magnus, looking at him like he was the only person in the room.

And Magnus… Blew off dates to eat tacos with Alec. Told Chairman Meow that Magnus and Alec were both his dads. And, when he needed a date for something, he never tried to get a date. He never asked Cat or Raphael or Ragnor or Clary. He always just assumed it would be Alec and Alec always agreed.

When Alec acquired a new book he loved, Magnus was the first person he told. When Magnus was promoted recently, he’d waited days and days to tell their other friends but he’d rushed home that night to tell Alec.

He was seconds away from hyperventilating but that wasn’t the most jarring realization he had sitting there, curled up on a bed upon which he’d only just a few minutes before woken pressed up close against Alec, wishing Alec’s arm was wrapped around him. He was in love with his best friend.

***

Realizing he’d forgotten to grab boxers like an idiot, Alec came out of the bathroom in nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist. He made a point of not looking at Magnus in a casual way as he moved to his bag. “Bathroom’s yours,” he said.

Magnus made some kind of squeaking sound that had Alec glancing over. Magnus was staring at him but as soon as Alec looked over he jumped up, clearing his throat.

“Right. Great,” Magnus said, rushing to his own bag to pull out clothes.

Alec frowned, watching Magnus grab three shirts and nothing else before heading for the bathroom. Alec quirked an eyebrow, forgetting he was essentially naked. “Are you okay?”

“What? Yeah, of course,” Magnus said quickly, eyes snapping to Alec before falling to his bare chest. Any other time Alec would blush and feel an odd combination of pride and hope, but Magnus seemed off. “I just — hungover. I’ll meet you downstairs for…breakfast,” he said, voice trailing off and then coming back as he looked away from Alec, slipping into the bathroom and quickly closing the door.

Alec shook his head, smiling to himself slightly as he quickly dressed and headed down for breakfast.

“Tomorrow is going to be hell,” Jocelyn said, appearing at the breakfast table right after Alec sat down. “The rehearsal is tomorrow night and I won’t stand for less than perfection, understood?”

Simon and Clary both saluted while everyone else offered hearty nods.

“Good. Now I want you to go enjoy your day at the beach so you’ll forgive me for turning into the mother of Bridezilla tomorrow,” Jocelyn grinned before turning and walking away.

“I swear, she’s crazier about my wedding than she was about hers,” Clary muttered, flopping down in the chair next to Alec.

“Didn’t she and Luke get married in the bookstore?” Alec asked.

Clary nodded. “And it was perfect. Not a monster wedding like this one.”

Alec patted her shoulder. “At least it will be over soon and you’ll be obligated to spend the rest of your life with Jace.”

Clary snorted, shoving him away. “Come on, let’s get food,” Clary said, standing and pulling Alec behind her to the buffet set up off to the side of the dining hall. “I’m about to be a married woman, meaning I can gain as much weight as I want and Jace still has to love me.”

Alec chuckled, piling on waffles and bacon to Clary’s plate for her. Pancakes and sausage for himself. There may have been a small incident involving thrown toast that neither would ever admit too, returning to their table, laughing.

“Oh hey, I’ve been meaning to ask, your speech is done, right?” Clary asked, digging into her food.

“Obviously,” another voice answered for him. A smile spread across Alec’s face before he even turned to see Magnus behind him, heart lifting. “It’s been done for over a month. Alec’s that is, I might have put the finishing touches on my own the night before we left.”

Clary may have said something then but Alec didn’t catch it, everything fading into white noise as his eyes roamed over Magnus who’d elected to wear nothing but a pair of dark swim trunks and a shimmering, short sleeved, purple button up, unbuttoned to show off his perfectly toned chest and so much bronze skin Alec was sure he was going to start hyperventilating. Was that glitter on Magnus’ abs?

Alec flinched when Clary turned to him suddenly. “Will you vet Si’s speech for me? Make sure he doesn’t have anything too embarrassing in it?”

“Hey! I heard that, Fray,” Simon called as he sat down across the table, Isabelle on his heels.

“I could vet it,” Isabelle offered.

“Hey!”

Clary smirked at Izzy. “I love you, Iz, but you live to embarrass at things like this.”

Isabelle smirked, shrugging.

“Consider it done,” Alec said, reaching for his coffee before realizing he’d forgotten it. He moved to stand when Magnus’ hand suddenly appeared on his shoulder, nails painted a dark purple. He was shocked to his core as Magnus leaned down, kissing his cheek in the most casual gesture ever that Alec was sure would lead to a heart attack.

“I got it,” Magnus said, slipping off to the side of the buffet where the coffee machines waited.

“Aw, he still makes you blush,” Simon teased, ducking as Alec threw a sausage at his head.

Alec had been determined to do nothing but act like a friend for the rest of the weekend, they’d convinced the others they were together, now there was no reason to be anything but their normal selves. That wouldn’t work so well with Magnus going around like… Like this. With this small smile that felt private somehow as he set Alec’s coffee before him, exactly as he liked it, no sugar, two creams. Kissing Alec’s cheek and taking his hand once he’d sat.

Alec found himself watching Magnus closely throughout breakfast. He was acting normal but almost…. Too normal? Alec couldn’t name it, what was wrong or different. But something was off. He kept finding Magnus looking back at him, that same small smile on his face and occasionally this look, close to panic. It only became more apparent as they found a spot on the beach to relax.

Magnus held the bottle of sunblock out, a teasing glint to his eyes as he all but purred, “Do my back?”

That by itself wasn’t unusual, but the way he practically flinched as Alec touched him, lightly rubbing in the sunblock was. Alec froze, frowning. “You okay?”

Magnus nodded, “Perfect,” but something held Alec back from believing him.

When he was done, Magnus turned with a smirk. “Turn around so I can do you,” he said but again there was that extra something in his voice, hiding behind Magnus’ normal flirting.

Alec did what he asked, doing his best to suppress a shiver as Magnus’ light fingers ran over his skin. Up and down his back, over his shoulders. Alec nearly jumped out of his skin when Magnus stepped close, slipping his arms around Alec’s waist in a loose hug, before pressing the lightest of kisses to Alec’s shoulder blade, so light that, at first, he was sure he’d imagined it.

“All done,” Magnus whispered in his ear before suddenly pulling away, leaving Alec chilled, his heart racing shakily.

What was going on?

Alec sat in the sand, pulling out a book as Magnus quickly got pulled into a game of volleyball with Jace, Isabelle and a group of other beach goers they’d befriended. Alec sat on his towel, book propped up against his knees, sunglasses on so the sun didn’t blind him.

He tried to read, he really did. He loved this book. It was just, Magnus was right there, feet away, the muscles along his back in clear view as he hit the volleyball. And then, when he scored, he twirled Isabelle around, laughing with his head thrown back, reminding Alec of just how screwed he was. Just how in love he was. To say it was a little hard to concentrate on reading was an understatement.

Eventually, Alec just gave up, leaning back on his hands to watch the game. He couldn’t say which team won or what any of the other players even looked like. Hell, someone could’ve gotten hit in the face with the volleyball and, as long as, it wasn’t Magnus, Alec wouldn’t have noticed at all.

“You are so whipped,” Simon said, flopping down in the sand near Alec at some point.

Alec nodded, not even trying to deny it. “I am.”

***

Everything Magnus did and said felt awkward, a feeling he was in no way used to. Making other people nervous and awkward? Sure, that he was used to. But being the one left feeling nervous and awkward? Nope. No. Magnus had no idea how to deal with this. It was glaringly obvious now, so much so that he had no idea how he’d ever not seen it. Had he been in denial or was he just that stupid? Because Alec had been right there in front of him, for years, and Magnus had never noticed that he was everything Magnus wanted and that, at some point — when? He had no idea — Magnus had fallen in love with him.

Now, every time he opened his mouth, a jumble of words fell out. Every time he so much as glanced at Alec, his stomach tied itself into millions of knots and he could barely breathe. This was not something Magnus was used to happening, none of it. He was used to people falling in love with him. He was used to falling in love with the wrong people. He wasn’t used to suddenly realizing his best friend was someone he wanted to be something more even if it made sense. Which it did. Total sense. Alec had been the best, most important person in his life for years already.

It felt stupid, thinking it was love when this time last week Magnus was defending to his coworkers once again that they were just friends. Magnus didn’t know what to do with all of this. He didn’t know if Alec felt the same but he was fairly sure he didn’t. Sure, Alec kissed him like… _that_. Sure, Alec carried him home when he was drunk. But. Alec was just that good of a person. Right?

Magnus shook his head, flopping down on his towel with a sigh once the volleyball game ended, it’d been a good distraction but now all his racing thoughts were back. He stared out at the water, the day was bright and warm but not too warm, perfect beach weather. He could feel Alec glancing over at him but refused to look back.

He wasn’t sure what he wanted to see when he did look. Did he want Alec to feel the same or not? On the one hand, Magnus had only had the smallest taste of what it would be like, to be with Alec. He knew what it would be like because he knew Alec, who was possibly the nicest, purest person he’d ever met. He’d make the best boyfriend and that was terrifying. What would happen to them, if they both really did want to try for something real? Jace was right, you couldn’t just recover a friendship from that if it didn’t work. And… And Magnus was terrible at relationships. They never lasted and he didn’t think he would last if they tried something and it didn’t work.

Alec felt nothing for him, Magnus reminded himself sternly. Just because he’d had some stupid epiphany didn’t mean Alec had experienced the same thing. So, they’d kissed a few times. So, they’d been the most important person in each other’s lives for years. That was just because they were best friends. It was better this way. Magnus wouldn’t ruin anything and, eventually, he’d get over it.

Only, when Alec stood suddenly, pulling Magnus to his feet before swooping down to throw Magnus over his shoulders, walking down the beach casually with Magnus kicking and laughing at his back; Magnus was nearly positive it would take more than his normal routine of a few romcoms and some ice cream to ever get close to getting over Alexander Lightwood.

***

When Magnus threw himself at Alec, tackling him into the water before pressing their lips together and Alec’s heart skipped in a painfully pleasant way, he realized just how much he didn’t want this week to end. It was weird and awkward sometimes, sure. But that was only when he started overthinking, when he realized this wasn’t real. When he let go and just enjoyed it, stupidly letting himself pretend it was real, it was everything he wanted and so much more.

Coming back up, out of the water, Alec caught Magnus around the waist as he turned to go back to the splash war with the others.

“What are you—” Magnus started to say, turning back to Alec with a grin that had Alec’s heart stopping. Magnus’ hair fell in his eyes that crinkled at the corners he was smiling so wide.

Magnus didn’t resist when Alec pulled him closer until their slick bodies were pressed together. He looked up at Alec from under his dark lashes, biting his lip like he was nervous. Alec’s heart did a little flutter, thinking even for just a minute that he might be able to actually make Magnus nervous.

Alec found himself whispering without consciously deciding to say anything. “Can I—” he started, eyes dropping to Magnus’ lips before he cut himself off, flushing. Panic reared quickly. He was going to ruin everything. Stupid. Asking Magnus —

Magnus leaned in, slipping his hands around the back of Alec’s neck and pulling him down. When their lips meet it was somehow better than the last few kisses. Alec couldn’t explain it, like something small, infinitesimal, had changed. He didn’t know what it was but he could feel it in the way Magnus kissed him, brushing their lips together softly without making a move to deepen it. In the way his heart ricocheted around his chest before calming to a normal rhythm. The other kisses, they had been teasing or for show, this though – Alec knew he was being stupid, reading too much into it, but this one. It felt like it was about them and nothing else.

Alec’s arms tightened around Magnus, pulling him even closer, forgetting where they were until they suddenly found themselves breaking apart with a gasp as laughter rang out around them and water went up Alec’s nose. Their friends surrounded them, splashing water at them.

“You guys looked like you needed to cool off,” Jace called helpfully over their laughter.

Alec sputtered, standing still, glaring at his friends as his heart raced once again.

Magnus started laughing when Alec folded his arms, giving their friends his best older brother look. “What?” Alec demanded when Magnus bit his lip on a laugh as the others continued to splash them, ignoring the water pouring down his face.

Magnus shrugged, eyes shining even as he spat out water that got in his mouth. He moved closer again and Alec’s breath hitched when Magnus rested his hands on Alec’s chest before leaning in to kiss his cheek. “You look adorable when you’re angry,” Magnus whispered, pulling back.

Alec was aware of his mouth hanging open as he blushed. He knew, he _knew,_ it was all pretend, Magnus was just doing these things, saying these things for the deception but it felt, sounded, _looked_ real.

“If you kiss again, I swear to god, I will drown you,” Isabelle said, interrupting the moment.

Alec rolled his eyes, forcing a laugh that came out harsher than intended. Turning his back on Magnus, feeling whatever strange tension had been between them since the night before snap, Alec reached out, grabbing for Isabelle. Hauling her into the splash zone, he pretended he couldn’t still feel Magnus’ gaze on him, sharp and all-seeing.

Get a grip, Alec told himself. It was all good and fun to enjoy this but what about when they got back to New York? Alec didn’t want to lose his best friend because he was an idiot who couldn’t control himself. Who couldn’t hide the fact that he was hopelessly in love with Magnus.

***

They stayed on the beach all day, save for going in for lunch. As night began to fall and the sun set, a large bonfire was set up right on the beach, the back patio of the hotel flooded with tiki lights and the mouthwatering aroma of dinner.

Isabelle, Clary, and the others wandered off to eat with some of the other wedding guests while Magnus lingered on the beach, feet in the sand, eyes on the horizon as the sun slowly set, painting the world in a million different shades of pink and purple and blue.

“It’s so pretty here,” Magnus commented when Alec sat beside him, handing him a plate of food and a bottle of water.

Alec hummed in agreement, balancing his own plate of food on his long legs that he stretched out before him.

Ignoring his plate, Magnus set it beside him before stretching out on his back, eyes to the sky. He turned to considering Alec as the sun sank lower, throwing shadows over Alec’s face. Something in Magnus ached, watching Alec, thinking that soon enough they’d be back in New York and things would go back to normal. Magnus was a little worried when he realized he wasn’t sure just what that meant anymore. Could things go back to normal? Sure, they’d stop acting like they were together, they’d stop kissing. Magnus would go back to not staring at Alec openly, not stepping close and taking his hand whenever he felt like it. But things had changed now, even if Magnus was the only one who knew it. He didn’t know if he wanted things to go back to “normal”. Didn’t know if he could stand it, knowing he loved Alec in a very different way than from what he’d always thought.

Magnus’ chest grew tight and he forced his eyes away from Alec, staring back at the horizon because Magnus sucked at relationships. He was the worst. Even if this was real, he’d fuck it all up.

“I wish we never had to leave,” Magnus whispered on the edge of a sigh, letting his eyes close when he felt Alec glance over at him.

A few minutes passed before Alec replied. “Me too.”

Magnus kept his eyes closed, enjoying sitting in silence with Alec. All day his heart had been racing, his thoughts all over the place. Realizing he was in love with Alec was both the easiest and hardest thing ever. On the one hand, it wasn’t that surprising. Alec was… Alec. Magnus’ favorite person in the world. It didn’t change much. It was easy. On the other, it changed everything and made everything more complicated. Oh, and scared the crap out of Magnus because now that he realized what it was he felt, he realized he’d never felt it, like this, for anyone else before. And that was a whole lot to realize in a twenty-four-hour period. It was slightly terrifying.

When Alec suddenly set aside his dinner, grabbing Magnus’ hand and pulling Magnus up with him, Magnus flinched, shocked. How had he never noticed the sparks before? he wondered, standing and staring down at their hands. His felt like it was on fire. He was sure his heart would burst out of his chest any moment now. He could barely breathe. He was a nervous wreck and Magnus was never nervous nor a wreck.

“What are you doing?” Magnus finally asked, looking up from their hands, how right they felt together being something he’d always taken for granted. Alec’s eyes shined, the bonfire reflected in his dark pupils.

Fuck, Magnus thought, his heart doing strange things in his chest when Alec smiled, his wide, unhindered smile. He tugged on Magnus’ hand, nodding over towards the bonfire. Music was playing from a radio somewhere and people were dancing around the bonfire.

“Dance with me?” Alec asked.

 _Of course, anything with you_ , Magnus’ heart wanted to reply. He swallowed, nodding as Alec started walking backwards to the bonfire, never once looking away from Magnus, heart-stopping smile still on his face.

***

That night, dancing close with Magnus, laughing as Magnus forced him into a faster dance, tripping in the sand but not caring because Magnus fell on top of him, giggling uncontrollably, face alight with the nearby flames. Alec realized something he’d always known subconsciously, that he would be more than fine to be in love with Magnus forever. Even if Magnus didn’t feel the same; even if it never led to anything more than friendship; Alec would never complain. He’d want and hope for more but… As long as he got to keep Magnus in his life, he’d be perfectly content loving him from afar. Even if it meant Magnus falling in love with someone else, moving on. As long as Magnus was happy, as long as Alec got to see him smile and laugh like this… He’d wait forever, a part of him always hoping, but content with being friends.

He realized as Magnus pulled them all in for some ridiculous group dance, that he would never get over Magnus. There was no getting over Magnus. And it was relieving because he didn’t want to get over Magnus. He didn’t want to settle for second best even if it meant he ended up alone. There was something freeing in the thought. He still had a few days and he’d make the best out of them, and then he’d go back to New York, to their apartment, and he wouldn’t even be sad that they were only friends, because that was more than enough.

By the time they all made their way back to the hotel, far too late knowing they had to get up early to help with final wedding prep, Alec was ready to pass out. Walking down the hall to their rooms though, he noticed the panicked look on Jace’s face. One he was sure hadn’t been there two seconds before as he trapped Simon on a separate elevator, pushing all the buttons before diving out at the last second, leaving Simon to ride all the way to their top floor rooms, stopping at every floor along the way. Now though, Alec looked over and saw the way his eyes were blown wide, face losing all color.

Alec waited until Clary and Isabelle had disappeared into their room down the hall before turning to Jace.

“You okay?” he asked.

Jace stared at him blankly for a minute before shaking his head roughly. He patted Alec’s arm before moving past him. “I’m fine, man.”

Alec watched Jace move to his room a few doors down before glancing at Magnus who’d opened their door. Magnus smiled, waving Alec away. “You should go before the groom makes a run for it,” he teased.

Alec swallowed dryly, staring into Magnus’ dark eyes for a minute before nodding. “Right,” he said, forcing himself away before he gave in and kissed Magnus like he wanted too.

Jace had left the door to his room open. Inside, he was pacing, breathing raggedly, hands tangled in his hair. “Shit,” he muttered under his breath over and over again.

Alec quickly shut the door, moving into the room and perching on one of two beds as Jace continued to pace.

“Shit, shit, shit.”

“Jace,” Alec started slowly, speaking softly so as not to startle him. “What’s wrong?”

“What’s wrong?” Jace asked, voice ragged. “What’s _wrong_?” he repeated louder. “Everything!”

Standing, Alec quickly moved to the mini bar. Grabbing Jace a drink, he shoved it in his brother’s hand and shoved Jace onto the nearest bed. “Breathe,” Alec reminded him.

Jace threw back the drink, breathing heavy before calming slightly. He leaned over, head between his knees.

“I can’t do this, Alec, I can’t do this.”

Alec kneeled in front of Jace, patting his arm lightly. “Can’t do what?”

“This,” Jace muttered, sounding close to falling apart. “All of this. I’m going to be a terrible husband. I don’t know how to be a husband. I’m just a screw-up. We’re too young. Too stupid. Well, I am. Oh god. I think I’m going to be sick.”

“You’re not going to be sick,” Alec reassured him.

Jace looked up finally, his eyes wide and bloodshot. Alec didn’t think he’d ever seen Jace look so scared before. “What if I fuck up everything? What if I’m wrong about…all of this?”

“You won’t fuck up, and you’re not wrong,” Alec said, moving to sit next to Jace who leaned his head against Alec’s shoulder. “You love Clary, don’t you?”

Jace sighed, rubbing a hand over his face. “What even is love?”

Alec groaned, resisting the urge to beat sense into Jace. He fell backward on the bed, staring up at the ceiling.

“When something good happens,” Alec started. “Who’s the first person you want to tell?”

Jace hesitated then mumbled, “Clary.”

“Right. And when you’re mad, who do you want to bitch to most?” Alec continued, closing his eyes.

Jace shifted. “You?”

“Try again,” Alec said, cracking his eyes open to look at Jace.

“Clary.”

Alec nodded, sitting up again. “And when you’re with her, do you feel like…like the whole world could fall apart and you wouldn’t care, as long as she was still there? When she laughs does it make you feel happy for no real reason other than when she’s happy, you’re happy? And you think you’d do anything, anything, as long as she was still in your life?” Alec rambled, barely aware of what he was saying, unaware that he was describing his own feelings. “And sometimes, when she looks at you like you’re the only person in the world, you feel like your heart cold burst because you’re so happy and in love?”

“Yeah,” Jace said, jumping up suddenly, pulling Alec from his own thoughts of dark hair and shining eyes. “Yeah!” Jace all but cheered, reminding Alec of the days when Jace was on the football team, psyching himself up before a game.

“What’s going on?” Simon asked, slipping into the room.

“I am in love with Clary Fray and I’m going to marry her the day after tomorrow and I’ve never been so happy in my life,” Jace shouted, pulling Simon into a hug.

Alec chuckled as Simon looked at him with wide eyes.

“That’s — that’s good,” Simon muttered, patting Jace’s back awkwardly. “I’m glad to hear that. I’m going to shower now.”

Jace did a few laps around the room, waxing poetry about how pumped he was. Alec shook his head, flopping back on the bed, happy for his brother.

“See, this is why you’re my best man, Isabelle would’ve just punched me to knock sense into me,” Jace said with a laugh, flopping down on the bed next to Alec.

Alec smiled but remained quiet. He was suddenly aware of the fact that Jace was getting married the day after tomorrow, that everything would change. It was like…the end of an era.

“I can’t believe I’m getting married the day after tomorrow,” Jace whispered like he was thinking the same thing.

“I can’t believe you’re getting married either,” Alec said, smirking. “Never thought you’d find someone willing to put up with you.”

Jace elbowed him, laughing. “Shut up.”

“I’m happy for you,” Alec said a few minutes later, ignoring Simon’s terrible singing coming from the bathroom.

He could hear the smile in Jace’s voice when he talked. “Yeah, me too.”

Jace sat up a few minutes later, reaching for the remote to the TV. “Wanna watch a movie?” he asked.

Alec sat up slowly, noting the composed look on Jace’s face, a look he was used to that Jace wore when he was pretending not to feel as much as he was feeling. “Sure,” Alec said, scooting back against the headboard.

“You don’t have to get back to your man?” Jace teased, flipping through TV channels.

Alec cleared his throat, refusing to blush. “Shut up,” he said, trying not to think of Magnus. Of the way they’d danced and nearly kissed, mouths just centimeters apart through the slow songs. His skin felt hot but he adamantly ignored the butterflies in his stomach.

Settling next to Alec, Jace picked some action movie, staring at the screen silently for a few minutes before saying, “You know, I’m happy for you too. You and Magnus… You seem good together. I can’t remember the last time I saw you looked so happy all the time.”

Alec cleared his throat, eyes trained on the TV. He hated lying to Jace almost as much as he hated lying to himself that they would all survive this deception wound free. “Thanks,” he muttered, thinking: I can’t remember ever being this happy either.

***

Magnus woke up when Alec slipped into their room sometime late in the morning. Unsurprised to note the slight disappointment he felt that Alec hadn’t made it back to their room the night before.

“Sorry,” Alec said, pressing his back against the door as Magnus sat up. “Didn’t mean to wake you. Jace needed some company.”

Magnus waved it away, standing to get dressed. He’d promised to meet Clary for a final dress fitting. He and Isabelle were to make sure she looked as stunning as possible before the big day tomorrow.

“So you convinced the groom to stay?” Magnus asked, pulling on a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt.

Alec’s voice was a little hoarse when he talked. “Yup. We’re good to go.”

“Good,” Magnus said, turning around while pulling his shirt down. He smirked when he noticed Alec’s eyes on his toned stomach.

“Right,” Alec said, clearing his throat. He moved forward, going to step around Magnus but misjudging the distance so they bumped into each other. Alec flushed, quickly moving around Magnus. “Shower. I should shower.”

Magnus bit his lip on a smile, nodding slowly.

Alec tripped his way to the bathroom before pausing and turning to his bag to pull out clothes. “Right. Well, see you,” Alec mumbled in a rush, slipping into the bathroom. Magnus heard what sounded an awful lot like someone tripping, followed by a string of curses.

Smiling to himself, he shook his head, leaving to go meet Clary and Isabelle. Clary’d kept Magnus and Simon’s tuxes under wraps along with Isabelle’s bride’s maid dress, and he was dying to see them.

Magnus barely saw Alec the rest of the day, busy with Clary — who looked fabulous in her wedding dress, setting off a wave of tears — and helping Jocelyn, who was freaking out, convinced everything that could go wrong, would the next day.

Magnus didn’t notice how much it was bothering him, that one of their last days of their fake relationship they barely got to spend together until it was time for the rehearsal to start and Magnus spotted Alec across the room. A smile instantly crossed his face, a tension to his shoulders he hadn’t noticed disappearing. God, he was hopeless.

Jocelyn and Maryse turned into terrifying creatures as they bossed everyone around the room. When Jace laughed during the rehearsal ceremony, Magnus saw all the color leave his face as Jocelyn and Maryse both stepped forward at the same moment, looking set to slap him upside the head. He barely said another word for the next hour.

“Come on, guys,” Clary finally pouted, leaning against Magnus as Maryse and Jocelyn discussed some small detail of the ceremony. “Can’t we have rehearsal dinner now? I’m starving and I don’t care if one little thing is wrong tomorrow. We’ll still end up married.”

Jocelyn turned to Clary with a soft smile. “I know you think you don’t care, sweetie—”

“But I paid for this wedding and I do,” Maryse cut in.

Jocelyn ignored her, stepping forward to tuck Clary’s hair behind her ears. Magnus looked away, feeling like he was intruding as tears swam in Jocelyn’s eyes. “But you will care tomorrow. I just want you to have the best wedding ever.”

Across the aisle, Alec’s eyes were already on Magnus. Something in Magnus’ chest fluttered. He was slowly getting used to this, to Alec, to his feelings for Alec. He just didn’t know what to do with them. This couldn’t be one-sided, could it? Magnus thought, everyone else fading away as Alec smiled at him. Everything that had happened the last few days, Alec had to feel it too. And yes, Magnus sucked at relationships. And yes, they always ended the same, with Magnus heartbroken, crying on Alec’s shoulder. But this was Alec, he’d never break Magnus’ heart.

Magnus felt once again like he was on the edge of something big, something great. And he only had to take a deep breath and muster the courage to jump and then —

Magnus glanced away, staring down at his feet. He was still in sweats and an old shirt, not something he normally wore around but none of them were actually dressed; Clary and Simon in matching Batman pajamas, Isabelle in pink silk pajamas. Even Alec was wearing a hole filled, stretched dark blue shirt and low hanging sweats that really did not make it easy for Magnus to concentrate.

Glancing up at Alec again, as Maryse and Jocelyn finally dismissed them, Magnus recognized the feeling in his gut. Fear. He couldn’t lose Alec. And he couldn’t give in to his feelings because then it became all too real. He’d never realized he was a coward but that was the only explanation. He’d denied his feelings so well that he hadn’t even noticed them and now he was too scared to act on them.

Steeling himself, Magnus smiled a flirty smile at Alec, telling himself he’d do it. He couldn’t survive things going back to normal. He had to tell Alec or he’d regret it forever.

***

Rehearsal dinner was fun. Magnus and Alec sat close around the big table in the dining hall. It was just the wedding party, meaning their group and the bride and groom’s parents. They all practiced their speeches, save Alec, laughter erupting as Simon stumbled through his that was equal parts funny and heartfelt, with just a smidge of embarrassment as he told the story of when he and Clary had gotten engaged. Max gave a small speech, as Jace’s other groomsmen, that was slightly crass and very amusing, he even had pictures which he passed around the table.

When they started exchanging embarrassing stories of Clary and Jace after dinner, sitting around, sipping wine, even Maryse got into it, seeming the most relaxed Alec had ever seen her, once Robert had left anyway.

“I’ve got one,” Luke said once the laughter from Alec’s latest story of how Jace had acted when he first met Clary, so infatuated and irritated that she wouldn’t go out with him. Luke leaned his elbows on the table, grinning at Clary who was already shaking her head.

“Don’t,” Clary pleaded. “Please don’t tell the story.”

Magnus leaned against Alec, arm looped through Alec’s, hands loosely tangled in a way that made Alec overly aware of any movement either of them made.

“Tell it,” Magnus called with a laugh. Alec’s eyes got caught on Magnus for a moment, he looked far too giddy, eyes shining brightly.

Clary hid her face in her hands as Luke started in. The rest of the night was spent with everyone trying to outdo each other with embarrassing stories until Jocelyn demanded they all go to bed as they had a big day tomorrow.

Alec stood, intending to follow everyone else back to their floor when Magnus pulled on his hand, stopping him. Alec glanced over, raising his eyebrows. Magnus seemed to debate with himself for a minute, head tilted to the side, a small frown between his eyes.

“I’m not tired,” Magnus said. They were standing close enough to be able to talk quietly, breath mingling.

Alec’s heart raced as he swallowed. “No?”

Magnus shook his head, stepping back and tugging on Alec’s hand again. “Let’s go swimming,” he said, nodding out towards the pool.

The air crackled with the tension between the two of them. They’d been so casual all night but now Alec was reminded of what they were doing, that this was his one chance to be with Magnus. He didn’t want to sleep, he thought, despite being exhausted from dealing with Jace all day. He didn’t want the day to end because tomorrow would be the wedding and the day after they’d be on a plane back to New York and he wasn’t ready for things to go back to normal. Not yet.

“Okay,” Alec agreed, letting Magnus pull him towards the door to the pool area before stopping. “But we should change, I am not skinning dipping.”

Magnus snorted, quirking an eyebrow. “Really?” he pouted.

Before Alec could catch his breath and determine if Magnus was joking or not, Magnus had started towards the elevators, dragging Alec behind him. They changed quickly before heading back down to the pool that was deserted save for the two of them. Neither had bothered with putting a shirt on, barefoot, in nothing but swim trunks.

Alec dove into the pool without a word, anything to settle his racing heart and cool his overheating body. He didn’t know what was going to happen that night — or when they got back to New York for that matter — didn’t know what he was doing, what he wanted to do anymore. He swam a couple laps until his lungs started to ache and his mind finally began to slow down, then he moved on to floating on his back.

Magnus sat on the edge of the pool, feet in the water, head tilted back to stare up at the sky.

“It’s a beautiful night,” Magnus commented.

Alec was too busy looking at Magnus to notice the sky. “Yeah,” he said around a lump in his throat.

He wanted Magnus the way someone who was drowning wanted air, more an aching need than want, deep in his gut. Staring at Magnus, he thought, just for one second, that he could have it. That maybe he was just that lucky, that Magnus would love him back. And everything they’d been telling their friends could be real. Entertaining the thought for just one moment made his heart ache more than ever. That they could go back to New York and date and kiss and be just like they always were but _more_.

Alec could be content being nothing but friends with Magnus, for the rest of his life he would be fine just being in love with Magnus. But if Magnus, somehow, someway, loved him back… Alec couldn’t even imagine it.

When Alec blinked, bringing himself back to the present, Magnus was looking back at him, eyes hidden so that Alec couldn’t read what he was thinking.

Alec cleared his throat. “Coming in?” he asked, swimming closer and resting his hands on Magnus’ ankles like he was about to pull him in.

Magnus smirked. “Don’t you dare.”

“Then come in,” Alec said, swimming back to give Magnus room. He was joking, teasing just like he always would but this felt like something different. Like they were both avoiding the elephant in the room, the tension in the air thickening by the moment. Like they both knew where this was heading, they knew the steps to this dance perfectly but just hadn’t quite committed yet.

Alec waited, eyes locked on Magnus’. A few minutes must’ve passed though Alec barely noticed. Finally, Magnus sighed. Standing, he breathed in deeply before diving in.

***

The cold water was a shock to Magnus’ system, leaving him gasping a bit when he came up for air right in front of Alec. His heart raced and not because of the sudden change in temperature.

Magnus didn’t know how to handle being scared, so he did what he always did, stopped thinking, only acted. He couldn’t tell Alec, not just then because it would change _everything_. But he could show him.

They were close enough that their legs brushed as they treaded water, Alec’s dark eyes locked on Magnus’, a serious look on his face that made it hard for Magnus to breathe. Taking a deep breath, Magnus sank under the water, keeping his eyes open.

No more than a few seconds passed before Alec followed. Kissing underwater sounded romantic and it was, to a point. Magnus’ heart felt set to race right out of his chest as Alec pulled him in close. They just stared at each other. Nothing else in the world existed as they could see and hear nothing else. The water always kept some distance between them, which Magnus found himself hating. Once it became apparent that they’d have to go up for air soon, Alec leaned in, lightly brushing their mouths together before they broke the surface.

Their lips were still touching, both gasping for air quickly before their eyes slid closed. Magnus was aware of nothing but Alec. Alec’s warm mouth against his, kissing him senseless. Alec biting lightly at his bottom lip until Magnus gasped. Alec’s arms around his waist, holding him close, Magnus’ own legs wrapping around Alec so they didn’t float apart. Alec’s pulse racing, which Magnus felt as he rested one hand against Alec’s neck, the other slipping into his hair. Alec’s breathing in sync with his own.

Magnus didn’t notice they were moving until his back was suddenly pressed up against the side of the pool. He gasped, breaking the kiss as Alec’s hands wrapped around his thighs, holding him close.

Magnus opened his eyes slowly, breathing heavily, lips honest to god tingling. Alec’s hooded eyes met his, pupils blown wide, mouth red. Fuck, Magus thought, he was so far gone it wasn’t even funny.

Magnus saw the moment Alec realized what they’d been doing, eyes going wide, panic reflected in them. Magnus’ heart contracted painfully. Alec tried to move away, dropping his hands from Magnus’ legs. “I’m sorry,” Alec gasped. “I shouldn’t have—”

“Shh,” Magnus said without thinking, pressing a finger to Alec’s mouth and instantly quieting him. He meant to say something else but no words would come to him. He felt seconds away from spontaneously combusting, his every nerve overwhelmed by Alec.

Magnus wanted nothing but to lean in and capture Alec’s lips again but he made himself hold back, staring into Alec’s eyes as they both caught their breath. Alec still looked on the edge of panicked, like he might spook at any moment, but he didn’t try to move or say anything.

“I –” Magnus started breathlessly. _Love you_ , he finished in his mind only.

Magnus licked his lips, drawing every ounce of courage he had before admitting, “I wanted you too.”

They were on the edge of something, Magnus could feel it but whatever it was he didn’t have a name for. He didn’t know how much time passed, all but holding his breath as he waited for Alec to react. Saying something. _Do_ something. This was as close as Magnus could come just then to putting his heart on the line and that alone was terrifying.

Heart sinking, feeling like it was just put through a blender, Magnus slowly let go off Alec where he’d still been holding on, unwrapping his legs from around Alec. He was just opening his mouth to say he was going back to the room, when Alec stopped him. With his own mouth.

Electric. That’s what this kiss was. Sending Magnus’ body buzzing from the top of his head all the way down to his toes as he gasped into Alec’s mouth that quickly opened, their tongues brushing, every small movement setting Magnus on fire in a way he’d never felt before. This kiss was the exact opposite of previous kisses, faster, hungrier, but with the same passion Magnus had felt the first time their lips touched.

He lost all sense of time, holding Alec close. His legs wrapped around him again, Alec’s hands wrapped around his thighs to support him, making Magnus just a smidge taller for once. Magnus wanted to kiss every inch of Alec, trail his lips across Alec’s neck and down further but he contented himself with Alec’s lips, gasping when Alec pressed him harder against the side of the pool, alternating from just barely brushing their lips together, soft enough to break Magnus, and then deepening the kiss all over again.

Magnus barely noticed when they left the pool. Drying off in a rushed manner before calmly heading to the elevator. Magnus pushed Alec up against the back of the elevator as it closed, quickly bringing their lips back together. If the last few days had taught Magnus anything, it was that Alec’s lips were addicting in the best kind of way.

The elevator quickly filled with the sounds of their gasping breaths, hands moving all over each other without restraint.

When the elevator opened, letting an old woman on, they jumped apart. The gray-haired woman looked them up and down slowly, doing nothing but raising a knowing eyebrow.

Magnus felt himself flush as he realized they were back in the lobby. He’d forgotten to hit the button for their floor.

Alec cleared his throat, leaning over to press the button for their floor. They leaned against the back of the elevator as the doors closed, arms barely brushing. The old woman whistled a happy tune, glancing over at them every few minutes. When Magnus saw her check out Alec’s abs, he lost it, turning to bury his head in Alec’s shoulder as he started giggling.

“It’s been a long night,” Alec told the woman, patting Magnus’ back comfortingly.

“Better get him to bed soon,” the old woman said as the elevator stopped on her floor.

“I will,” Alec assured her. “There, there,” he said, patting Magnus again.

Magnus nearly fell to the ground laughing. When the elevator slid closed again though, he was once again somber, turning to Alec with a smoldering expression on his face. Alec returned the look, eyes narrowed as he bit his lip.

“What are we doing?” Alec whispered.

Magnus shook his head, pressing close, their breath mingling but he didn’t move to bring their lips together. “I have no idea,” he breathed.

When the elevator dinged again, he took Alec’s hand, quietly leading him out of the elevator and to their room, where he opened the door quickly, pulling Alec in before pressing him back up against it.

Magnus couldn’t hear anything over his own heartbeat. Leaning up, he pressed the lightest kiss to Alec’s lips, only just managing to hold back a gasp as his heart skipped a few beats. He pulled back after a minute, eyes closed as he breathed shallowly.

“We should probably sleep,” Magnus whispered, eyes still closed.

Alec’s hands were on his bare sides, rubbing up and down lightly, making Magnus shiver. “Yeah. Probably.”

Magnus opened his eyes, searching Alec’s for any sign of what was happening between them. Was this just a one-time thing? Was it meaningless? Just because they were close and pretending to be together and lonely? Did it mean anything at all?

Whatever answers he was searching for, he couldn’t see them in Alec’s eyes. Slowly, Magnus pulled himself away, slipping into the bathroom to change. He pulled on his pajamas, his heart beating so loud he was sure everyone in the hotel could hear, hands shaking embarrassingly.

When he got back out, Alec was already in bed, the lights turned off. The pillows to form the wall were discarded off to the side. Taking a deep, steadying breath, Magnus climbed into bed, careful to keep to his side of it.

When Alec turned over, scooting close, Magnus was sure he’d stopped breathing altogether. Alec carefully slipped an arm around him, pulling him close and Magnus decided he wouldn’t care if he had stopped breathing, if he died right then he would be perfectly content.

“Is this okay?” Alec asked, voice low, hoarse, and just this side of wrecked.

Magnus nodded before realizing he probably couldn’t see the action. “Yes,” he all but whispered. Magnus had no idea how he would get any sleep that night, feeling wide awake. Yet only minutes passed before he drifted off, Alec breathing steadily, a warm, comforting presence at his back.

***

Alec woke up to the sound of the door closing. He kept his head buried in the pillows as memories of the night before washed over him. What had he been thinking? What were they doing?

He was sure Magnus had slipped out first thing in the morning to avoid anything awkward like they’d had a one-night stand when they hadn’t even done anything like that. So when someone sat down next to him, he jumped, just managing to stop himself from screaming.

“I brought you coffee,” Magnus said in a soft, vulnerable voice Alec was used to only hearing when Magnus was upset about something.

Alec sat up quickly, eyes falling on Magnus, who’d curled his feet under him, face calm and serious as he stared back at Alec with wide eyes. Alec cleared his throat, gaze dropping to the mug of coffee Magnus held out. He took it, anything to distract him from thoughts of the night before.

“Thanks,” he said, flushing as his voice came out barely loud enough to hear.

Magnus just nodded, cupping his own mug with both hands.

“Did you sleep well?” Alec asked.

Magnus just nodded, offering a small smile. “You?”

Alec nodded. He’d slept better than he could remember for the longest time even as his heart had tumbled around his chest. He’d dreamed of being able to fall asleep curled around Magnus, this was all really beginning to play with his head.

“Ready for the big day?” Magnus asked and the awkward small talk killed Alec, making him shift uncomfortably. It was so wrong, so unlike them. Like… They’d already ruined everything.

Alec nodded, staring down at his coffee before forcing his eyes up to meet Magnus’. They stared at each other for a few minutes, every second stretching out for longer and longer.

Finally, Magnus cleared his throat, straightening up to meet Alec’s eyes head on. “Should we talk about…you know, everything? This week hasn’t exactly gone as I intended.”

Alec’s heart pounded like a bass drum. He searched Magnus’ gaze but couldn’t read it, couldn’t tell what Magnus wanted him to say. Finally, unable to take the tension anymore. Alec stood, shrugging casually. “We’ve just been…stressed. And drunk half the time,” he said, back turned to Magnus so that he couldn’t see whether his expression fell or stayed the same. “Things are always weird on vacation. It doesn’t have to mean anything.”

Alec turned around, meeting Magnus’ gaze again. Magnus’ face was blank while Alec’s heart felt ready to jump ship. White noise rushing in his ears made it impossible to concentrate. Please, Alec thought, stupidly hopeful, please say it means something. Anything.

***

_It doesn’t have to mean anything._

Alec’s words repeated in Magnus’ head, shredding his heart to pieces.

“I—” Magnus started, shaking his head. “Right. Of course. I mean, things were bound to get handsy and whatnot. We’re both attractive. Sharing a room. We’re friends. You’re going through a dry spell. It happens.”

Magnus stood, waving away his own words and avoiding Alec’s gaze at all costs. “Well, I’m needed in the bridal suite. I’ll see you at the wedding.” Magnus was aware that he was being obvious and weird but he couldn’t help it. He felt unbalanced. He always knew what he was doing, what he wanted, where he was going but now… Everything was mixed up. He felt like he could cry. Knowing this meant nothing to Alec. That it was just something that had happened, nothing more, nothing less.

Without another word, he slipped out the door.

Magnus leaned back against the wall near their door for a minute, breathing deeply in and out, his lungs not wanting to work correctly. He pulled himself together, hands clenched into fists. Only then did he head to the bridal suite, where Simon, Isabelle, and Jocelyn already waited, entertaining Clary. Magnus forced a cheerful smile onto his face before stepping into the room.

***

Alec was out of it all day. Luckily, Jace barely noticed. They spent the day in Jace’s room with Max, Simon coming and going off and on, Luke popping in now and then. Maryse and Robert each stopped by too, telling Jace how proud of him they were. No one seemed quite sure what they were supposed to do besides making sure Jace was ready by four. They played video games — because of course, Simon had packed video games — smoked cigars Luke brought out that they probably weren’t supposed to have inside, and waited.

Jace was perfectly calm and excited, which was good as Alec was completely failing in his best man duties. He couldn’t focus, couldn’t think. The night before was replaying in his mind again and again. Magnus hadn’t been able to get out of the room fast enough.

Alec sighed. He just wanted the week to be over. At least back in New York, he knew where he stood. He was Magnus’ best friend. The guy who pretended to date him when someone bothered him at the bar. The person who’s shoulder he cried on. The guy who stayed up all night with Magnus when he was sick and made sure Magnus didn’t miss important meetings. Alec liked being that person for Magnus. At least he wasn’t constantly confused then.

As it neared three, the TV was turned off. Jace showered while Max and Alec pulled their tuxes on. All classy black with dark green vests and bow ties.

“How do you feel?” Alec asked when Jace came out, pants and socks on, white shirt untucked and unbuttoned, hair a mess.

“I’m fine,” Jace said in a way that clearly stated he wasn’t. “You know, besides looking like a mess when I’m supposed to be getting married in less than thirty minutes.”

Alec laughed, coming out of his funk for the first time that day. “Just breathe,” Alec told him. Stepping forward, he straightened Jace’s sleeves, helping do up the buttons. “Max, fix his hair,” Alec ordered, searching around for Jace’s shoes and tie.

Jace was taking deep breaths, eyes closed, wide smile turning up his lips. “I can’t believe it’s finally happening,” he muttered.

Alec smiled slightly, digging out Jace’s shoes. He was happy for his brother but he couldn’t help the melancholy feeling in his stomach, the jealous part of him that wanted what Jace had. The pessimistic side of him that knew he never would. Not with the person he wanted most.

“Come on, big shot, put your shoes on.”

***

“You look beautiful,” Magnus said, stepping forward to straighten Clary’s dress. He’d done her makeup, simple and elegant. Isabelle had curled her hair so it fell perfectly over her shoulders. And the dress was stunning; off-white, with long sleeves that hung off her shoulders. Lots of intricate beading done along the front and a long train in the back.

“Yeah?” Clary asked, grinning widely. It was the smile and the way her eyes shined that made her most beautiful as Magnus’ nodded.

“Damn it, Fray,” Simon said, turning away suddenly.

“Don’t cry, Si,” Clary ordered with a laugh. “Then I’ll cry.”

“Good,” Jocelyn said, voice definitely thick with tears. “Then I won’t be the only one.”

Magnus turned away, figuring now was a good time to pull out the bottle of champagne he’d stashed with his bag.

He and Simon wore matching dark green tuxes with tails, classy and fancy. Clary had picked them out to differ from the groomsmen who, Magnus had been informed, would be wearing normal black tuxes. Magnus had never been so happy to be in the bridal party, it was far more fun. They had top hats too, but Clary said they were for fun and pictures only, not the actual ceremony. Isabelle meanwhile, wore a long, dark green dress that matched their tuxes. Her hair swooping over one shoulder.

Magnus popped open the bottle of champagne as Simon rushed to grab glasses.

“To the bride,” Magnus declared loudly once they all had a glass in hand.

“To the bride!” Isabelle and Simon echoed, while Jocelyn smiled, holding back tears.

There was a light knock on the door and Luke stuck his head in, eyes going wide as he saw Clary. Magnus saw Jocelyn wiping away tears, Clary’s eyes watering as Luke stepped in, whistling lowly. He came forward, kissing Clary’s cheek. “You look beautiful.”

Clary smiled shakily. “You guys are going to make me cry and then I’ll hate you forever,” she said, hugging Luke tightly. Clary had asked him just that morning to walk her down the aisle, having panicked when she realized she’d forgotten to ask him sooner.

Magnus jumped up, saying the first thing to pop into his head to quell any tears. “If you ruin your makeup, I will throw Sherwin in the pool before the ceremony.”

“What?” Clary laughed.

“Rude!”

Magnus shrugged but it’d worked, everyone now laughing at the visual of Simon being thrown in the pool.

“You’re needed for some pictures,” Luke said, glancing at Clary.

Clary just nodded. “One sec,” she said, stepping forward and pulling Magnus off to the side.

Magnus frowned. “What is it, Biscuit? Did I smudge my eyeliner?”

Clary snorted, shaking her head. She nailed him to the spot with a serious look, hands tight on his arms. “I love you, Magnus,” she said, quickly shaking her head when Magnus opened his mouth to speak. “I love you, you’re one of my best friends, practically my brother. And I want you to be happy, Magnus. I’m marrying someone I’m positive is the love of my life and I want that for you too.”

For the first time, Magnus found himself on the verge of tears, quickly clearing his throat. His heart ached as he immediately thought about Alec. It seemed crazy, that he’d known Alec for years and yet over the course of three days it seemed like everything had changed.

“I’ve seen the way you are with him, Magnus. Don’t throw it away without at least trying.”

Magnus didn’t know what to say, opening and closing his mouth. Clary just smiled softly, leaning in to kiss Magnus’ cheek before letting Luke lead her away.

Magnus stared at the wall, not hearing another word until they were called to go down to the wedding hall.

***

Alec’s mind went blank the second he saw Magnus. He’d put a green streak in his hair at some point, his makeup as perfect as ever. He was dressed in a dark green tux, the jacket swooping out behind him. Simon wore an identical outfit but it didn’t look nearly as good on him. Alec couldn’t say anything, voice frozen somewhere in the back of his throat. Magnus was so close, feet away, standing with Izzy and Simon on the bride’s side, but he seemed so impossibly far away.

Then the music was starting and everyone was staring down the aisle, waiting for Clary to appear, Luke at her side. Alec heard Jace gasp and Magnus chuckle. He only just managed to pay attention through the ceremony, overly aware of Magnus just feet away, looking drop dead gorgeous.

Alec clapped and cheered as Jace and Clary kissed, getting a little misty-eyed as he realized his brother was officially married.

He looked across at Magnus to find him already looking back. Something passed between them, in that look, but Alec couldn’t for the life of him figure out what it was.

***

After the ceremony, the wedding party headed out to the beach to take pictures before the sun set. Magnus stood near Isabelle and Simon, only half paying attention to what they were saying, as the photographer took pictures of just the bride and groom, one or the other, and then with varying parents. He did everything he could not to stare at Alec who always had looked far too good in a tux. Until they were suddenly called for pictures, the photographer positioning them right next to each other for who knows what reason.

Alec’s hand on the low of Magnus’ back was like touching fire. He couldn’t focus, smiling automatically as shivers ran up and down his back. He was relieved when the group photos were done and he just had to pose with Clary and the rest of the bridal party.

Magnus stared at Alec, laughing as he was forced to pose with the maid of honor only. The looks Alec shot Simon between pictures were priceless. As the sun set, they took the final pictures, the wedding party humorlessly carrying the bride and then groom towards the ocean.

By the time pictures were over, Magnus felt exhausted, the day having dragged on more than he’d imagined it would, starting off rocky and never quite leveling out.

Magnus arrived at the reception with Isabelle and Simon, having lost track of the groomsmen. They found their table, Magnus gratefully accepting a glass of champagne from a passing waiter. He had to admit, Maryse and Jocelyn had done an amazing job together. The large ballroom was decorated impeccably and even the music was good. The flowers and table cloths going perfectly with Clary’s chosen color of dark green. Jocelyn herself had drawn the design for the cake that was in no way a normal wedding cake.

Sitting at the wedding parties table, Magnus let himself relax. Closing his eyes and rolling his neck to try and let out some tension. He jumped when someone touched his shoulders. “Need a massage?” Alec’s deep voice teased.

Magnus couldn’t breathe. His laugh sounded as forced as it felt as Alec took the seat next to him. Magnus found himself reaching for another glass of champagne but stopped himself. He was far too sober yes, but he found he didn’t really want to be drunk for their last night of pretend.

Clary and Jace arrived soon after, distracting everyone. Magnus let himself fall into a normal rhythm with Alec, like nothing weird had happened, like they’d never kissed, like he couldn’t still feel Alec pressed up against every inch of him. They took to pointing out wedding goers, making up wild stories of their lives.

“I swear,” Alec said a while later, leaning back in his seat. “I don’t know over half the people here.”

“Me either,” Magnus mumbled definitely not ogling Alec, who’d slipped his jacket off at some point, his green vest tight across his wide shoulders.

The happy couple had their first dance after dinner. They survived all the speeches, Alec winning with his short but perfectly heartfelt speech. Magnus saw even Jace wiping away a tear after.

When Alec asked Magnus to dance, Magnus accepted his hand without thought. Whatever happened tonight, he told himself, he would enjoy it. Because tomorrow they would leave this fantasy place behind and Magnus reality wasn’t ready to do that.

***

Alec didn’t know when he decided or realized where this was leading, if it was even a decision or just something written in the stars that he’d always somehow known. It was just there. In lingering touches and long glances. Every brush of their hands left him shaking, feeling starved. Every look set him on fire from the inside.

They lingered as long as they could, nothing rushed, everything slow and sensual. Hands gliding over bodies as they danced; mouths centimeters apart when they whispered to each other but not touching. Alec’s eyes tracked Magnus when Clary and Isabelle pulled him away for a dance. And he felt Magnus’ eyes on him when Alec stood off to the side, talking to a family friend. And even when they started dancing as a group, trading off partners with loud laughs and bright grins, they kept finding themselves pulled together, like two magnets. Every touch and look electrified.

They both knew where this was headed, something unspoken but silently agreed upon. Magnus leaned close as the night came to a close, the band stopped playing, the music turned down as everyone sat around, talking quietly. When he whispered in Alec’s ear, “Ready to go upstairs?” they both knew what it meant.

When Alec whispered back, “Yes,” they both knew it was more than an agreement to go to bed.

It wasn’t like the night before. There was no rush. They quietly said their goodbyes to the other’s, rolling their eyes at Izzy’s teasing. Barely touching save to hold hands as they rode the elevator up.

Alec knew what was going to happen. Knew what he wanted. Knew that it could fuck everything between them up but he was so sick of denying himself what he wanted most. Screw the future. He knew what he wanted right that moment, what Magnus wanted, and that was good enough. He wasn’t sure he could stop himself if he tried, as long as Magnus was okay with it.

They didn’t say a word as they walked down the hall. Magnus stopped outside their door, turning to Alec silently. Alec didn’t move until Magnus slipped one hand behind his head, running his fingers through Alec’s hair before lightly tugging him down. Their lips met softly, teasing before Magnus deepened the kiss. Alec’s heart was on the verge of bursting immediately because this? This was everything he’d ever wanted. This wasn’t a heated kiss while they were drunk, this was real connection, real passion. This was a world stopping, toe curling kiss. Alec was sure he couldn’t take much more, seconds away from passing out when Magnus’ pulled back, leaving him aching for more, heart lodged somewhere in his throat.

Magnus turned, pulling out the keycard and opening the door, not bothering to turn the light on as he pulled Alec in behind him. And then the door closed.

***

Magnus was eerily calm on the outside but inside, his heart was racing and had been all night. Inside he was shaking, breath coming in gasps.

As the door closed behind them, he turned to face Alec, not touching him yet. Their eyes met and it sent a shock through Magnus, to see his want, his desire, reflected back at him. He was nervous, he realized suddenly. He’d never been nervous for this before.

Leaving the small amount of space that was between them there, Magnus cleared his throat. The night was already a blur, he could hardly remember anything after they started dancing, after he realized how this night was going to end.

“Are you sure?” Magnus found himself whispering because they had to be sure, both of them. And he was, undoubtedly.

Alec nodded before clearing his own throat. “Yes,” he said. “Are you?”

“Yeah,” Magnus answered without hesitation. And really, he should’ve said something else, told Alec that it wasn’t some meaningless act they were about to do. They should’ve talked it through but they both knew talking it through meant talking themselves out of it and that was the last thing they wanted.

They slammed together so fast the breath was knocked out of Magnus, their lips meeting in a crash of emotions. Maybe this was a terrible idea. Maybe he’d regret it in the morning, but falling back on the bed, Alec pressing down into him, Magnus couldn’t fathom a world in which he’d regret this.

***

When Alec woke in the morning, tangled in the sheets, the bed cold and empty, he felt like he was going to be sick. Yet, despite everything, he didn’t regret it.

He sat up slowly, his heart only just chugging along. He felt hung over and groggy though he’d barely had anything to drink at the wedding. His body ached in what should’ve been a good way but was tainted by the fact that Magnus was gone already.

He must’ve woken early and snuck out. Like he would after any one night stand, Alec thought, wishing the thought wasn’t tinged with bitterness like it was.

He’d never realized how much of a difference there was, between having sex and making love. Now he did. It only made his heart hurt more.

He forced himself from bed, taking a long, hot shower. It was time to get back to reality. It was better they do it quickly, no lingering. No hurt feelings.

He didn’t regret anything about this week, not the kissing, not the fact that Magnus had to know he felt something now. Not last night. Not one second of it. Not even when he finished packing and got down to breakfast where he sat across from Magnus and neither of them could bring themselves to look at the other.

His heart hurt in ways he never knew it could but he didn’t regret it because he’d always have these memories. He was as in love with Magnus as he had ever been, maybe more so. So he couldn’t regret it even as he felt like falling apart, knowing he’d never have this, have Magnus, again.

***

It took everything in Magnus not to fall apart. He’d slipped out of bed that morning, heart aching the second he woke up wrapped in Alec’s arms, somewhere he’d realized he never wanted to leave. But he had too. It wasn’t a mistake it was just…. what it was. A one-time thing. Special circumstances. They were wrapped up in things and everything would go back to normal as soon as they got home.

Magnus had no idea why did he feel like he was leaving his heart on the beach as he boarded the plan.

They barely talked all day, saying goodbye to the others, waiting to board the plane silently. Alec fell asleep quickly once the plane took off, or maybe he was just pretending. Magnus wouldn’t blame him if he was.

Magnus stared out the window, watching the island fade away. Back to reality, he thought. Work and friends and Chairman Meow. Back to Alec as his best friend, nothing more.

You can’t break someone’s heart when it’s not yours to break. Magnus snorted bitterly to himself at the memory of his own words. That’s what he’d told himself again and again. It was true, you couldn’t break someone’s heart that wasn’t yours to break. But, what he’d failed to notice was that, at some point, he had no idea when — over the course of the wedding? Months or years before? — he’d unintentionally given Alec his heart. He hadn’t even noticed but he had; one hundred percent. And now? Now, it was most assuredly broken.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the cliff hanger... The plan is one more chapter and a possible epilogue! I'm going on vacay on the 12th for a week so let's just say chapter 2 will be up by the end of the month AT THE LATEST!
> 
> Sooo... What'd you think? Did you like it? Any favorite parts or lines? Let me know in the comments as comments and kudos and messages and tweets are LIFE and help me write faster. Remember to follow me on Tumblr @imawriteriwrite for updates, yelling at me, and possible snippets!
> 
> Thanks for reading! <3<3<3
> 
> Chapter 2 hint: it takes place a few months later. More Malec fake dating. Snow. Lots of feels. ;)


	2. Winter Weddings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two sappy idiots, more fake dating, more denial, snow, kissing, stuff happens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this took a lot longer than I meant it to, sorry! It's kind of long and stuff happens, don't forget to yell at me about it on [Tumblr @imawriteriwrite](http://imawriteriwrite.tumblr.com/). XD If you want you can tweet about it and tag it #PlusOneFic if you feel like it!
> 
> Dear Georgia, sorry this took so long. Hope it lives up to expectations. <3
> 
> This was an unbeta'd monster, all mistakes are my own. XD

Magnus watched Alec from across the large ballroom where the company Christmas party was being held. It was three days before Christmas, five months since Jace and Clary got married and Magnus and Alec started their “fake relationship” where, like some idiot in a rom-com, Magnus realized he was desperately in love with his best friend. It was fine though, everything was fine. Normal. Perfect. Magnus wouldn’t complain about a thing. Things had gone back to normal between them, like nothing had ever happened. Or at least, that’s what they pretended.

Yup, perfect, Magnus thought as Alec glanced back over his shoulder from the bar, smiling his crooked smile that did the most pleasant things to Magnus when their eyes locked. Perfectly fine. Normal. A-okay.

Magnus looked away from Alec quickly, trying to quiet the storm raging in his mind. He stood with a group of coworkers who were discussing something — he honestly couldn’t remember what — but his full attention was on Alec, stealing glances every few seconds. Alec, who smiled, laughing at something one of the other editors who’d cornered him at the bar, was saying _. God_ , Magnus loved that laugh, even when he wasn’t close enough to hear it over the white noise of a dozen conversations happening all around him.

He was truly pathetic. Magnus forced his gaze back to his co-workers once more, laughing when they laughed at some joke he’d completely missed.

When Alec finally made his way back to Magnus, passing him a drink and leaning in to whisper in his ear, Magnus’ heart skipped. Which was stupid, because they were friends. Nothing more.

“I swear, no one in the world is as boring as Raj,” Alec said, referring to the editor he’d been talking too. “I can’t believe you didn’t rescue me,” he added, pulling back slightly, eyes shining as he smiled.

Yup, friends. And Magnus was perfectly okay with that.

Magnus sipped his drink with a careless shrug of his shoulders. “You didn’t send an SOS.”

“Yes, I did,” Alec said, voice going louder for a moment as a grin crossed his face. “I winked, that’s the sign that I need saving. I always need saving from Raj! You just weren’t paying attention.”

Magnus forced a smirk to his face, shrugging again. “Oops,” he said.

Despite their normal ease around each other, the casual way they could be together, doing and saying anything or nothing at all, it all felt oddly forced these days. They could go weeks where everything was normal but then something would happen and Magnus’ heart would skip and that strange tension would return to the air. Gazes lingering. Voices dropping. They’d be making dinner in their small kitchen together and Magnus would be seconds away from closing the distance between them and kissing Alec, sure he was considering the same thing. But he always let the moment pass. Other times, it was all they could do to be in the same room, going days barely saying a word to each other.

Magnus hated it all with a passion. Alec was his best friend, first and foremost, and he hated to think that they’d somehow permanently damaged their relationship with everything that happened in Hawaii. And he was scared to death that it was his fault; that he was acting weird, he was holding back, and he didn’t know how to get over it completely. How to be okay with things the way they were. So torn between wanting things to go back to normal and wanting it to be _more_. More than friends. More than a fake relationship.

He was so much more aware of Alec these days and it hurt; a real, tangible ache in his chest, knowing they’d never be together like that, for real.

“Yeah, well, you owe me,” Alec said, eyes roaming the room. Magnus’ gaze dropped, enjoying the sight of Alec in a dark blue suit a little too much. It was really unfair, Alec shouldn’t be allowed to wear suits that nice, with his mussed-up hair and bright hazel eyes.

“God. I don’t think I like anyone here,” Alec muttered, carefully sipping his own drink.

Magnus snorted, forcing his gaze away from Alec. “Careful, Alexander, you’re going to hurt my feelings,” he teased. But it was true, looking around at all his coworkers, backdropped by halfhearted Christmas decorations in the small ballroom with a sad Christmas tree in the corner that looked as if it was going to fall over any second now, he couldn’t see a single person he felt like talking to. “Remind me why we came again?”

“Mandatory,” Alec replied, turning to look over his shoulder.

“Mandatory Christmas party, something about that sounds wrong,” Magnus said, letting his gaze return to Alec. Why watch his coworkers drink too much and make fools of themselves when he could stare at Alec’s sharp jawline and five o'clock shadow? Magnus’ favorite part about winter was that Alec often got lazy with shaving during the colder months. If that wasn’t a reason to love the snow, Magnus didn’t know what was. “What if I didn’t celebrate Christmas?”

“You’d still come,” Alec snorted, a half smile turning up his mouth as he turned to look at Magnus again. That was not a jolt he felt when their eyes met, nope. He was fine. He was moving on. He was really wishing he was still unaware of his feelings for Alec. “You never say no to free booze.”

“True,” Magnus smirked, throwing back the rest of his drink right after. “I’m getting a refill. You?”

“I’m good,” Alec answered, waving Magnus on.

Magnus turned, breathing out deeply as someone turned up the music somewhere across the room. If he were honest, he wasn’t even fooling himself at this point. He didn’t know what to do with these feelings. It was so much easier when they were away from the real world, when it was all pretend. Then he could let himself drown in Alec, in sweet kisses and strong arms. When it was real, things got messy. What if Alec didn’t feel the same? What if he did but they fucked everything up? He couldn’t stand having Alec only to lose him when things didn’t work out. And Magnus was cursed, his romantic relationships never ended well. As much as Magnus wanted more, he didn’t want to lose what he already had, their friendship was to important for that.

He just needed to get Alec out of his system. That was all. Then why hadn’t he so much as had a date since the wedding? he couldn’t help but think. He’d spent the last five months telling himself it was just because he was busy; he wanted the spot as head of marketing and design; he’d been working overtime and he didn’t have time for anything else. Of course, he’d turned into a terrible liar so he knew it was because now that he’d gotten a taste of what it was like, to be with Alec, no one else could compare.

He was pathetic.

“Vodka martini, please,” Magnus told the bartender before turning back to look at Alec. Their boss had found him and they stood talking off to the side. Magnus smiled at the way Alec talked animatedly with his hands, knowing they must’ve been discussing a new book.

It really was quite ridiculous, Magnus knew. He’d been best friends with Alec for six years, managing to never notice he was madly in love with him for six whole _years_ and all it’d taken was a few days in Hawaii and a couple kisses for everything to change. He’d never been so sure of something before; he was in love with Alec and it wasn’t the kind of thing you got over. It was so much… _more_ than anything he’d ever felt for anyone else. It was as if it’d been there forever and now that he’d noticed, he couldn’t stop noticing. All the little things he loved about Alec, the big things. How the person he wanted to talk to most at any given moment was Alec. How, over the course of the last six years, they’d barely been apart for more than a day or two at a time and he liked it that way.

There had been times, over the last few months, where Magnus almost — _almost_ — convinced himself that Alec returned his feelings. Alec had kissed him back — more than that, he’d kissed Magnus with passion, like…like Magnus was the air he needed to breathe. You didn’t do that, you didn’t make love like that, if you didn’t feel anything for the other person. Alec wouldn’t do that if it meant nothing. But then they’d end up fighting over something stupid, blowing up in ways they never had before, avoiding each other for days, and he’d once again realize that it was all in his head. Alec had been wrapped up in the passion of their fake relationship. Nothing more. And even if it was more… Magnus had no idea what he would do with that information.

Besides, if it’d been real to Alec he wouldn’t be seeing someone else now.

Grabbing his drink, Magnus took a sip for courage before making his way back across the room to Alec. Sure, he could avoid Alec, he’d done that a lot recently, but it didn’t make anything better, only worse because everything was worse when he didn’t see Alec for days.

“Ah, there’s the other half of my favorite couple.”

_“What?”_ Magnus only just stopped himself from spitting out his drink at his boss’s greeting.

Their boss didn’t seem to hear him. Ms. Herondale smiled, shaking Magnus’ hand in a tight grip.

Magnus glanced at Alec, who merely shrugged, frowning back at Magnus, his eyes comically wide. Magnus had to bite back a smile at the look on Alec’s face, forcing his gaze from Alec.

“So, do you two have any plans for the holidays?” Ms. Herondale asked, turning to grab a cookie from a passing tray.

Magnus opened his mouth but no words came out. Their boss thought they were a couple? For how long? Magnus frowned, thinking back to previous conversations, feeling his eyes widen the further back he went. He thought of all the teasing they got from co-workers, the way their boss always asked them questions like this together, as if assuming they’d always be in the same place. _Fuck._

Alec nudged Magnus who finally tuned back into the conversation.

“We’re going to my parents’ house in Connecticut,” Alec said smoothly. “My whole family is coming.”

“That sounds nice.”

Magnus forced himself to nod, somehow surviving the rest of the conversation, including a very awkward joke about Christmas being the perfect time to propose, before Ms. Herondale excused herself to make the rounds.

A light buzzing filled Magnus’ head. “She thinks we’re a couple,” he said as soon as their boss had walked away.

“Uh-huh,” Alec said, standing stiffly next to Magnus.

“Why does she think we’re a couple?”

“Because we live together, spend all our time together, and neither of us has brought a date to one of these things besides each other…ever,” Alec said dryly, eyes roaming around the room.

Magnus frowned. That was all true of course. It’d just seemed pointless to bring dates to these things when Magnus would always rather spend time with Alec. It was more fun going with Alec anyway. Still, he felt awkward, shifting on his feet, staring down at his drink. Six months ago, he would’ve laughed it off, pressing close to tease Alec. Now though, it felt like the universe was playing some cosmic joke on him.

The punchline came a minute later, when Alec turned to him, grabbing his glass from his hands and setting it on a table to the side before taking Magnus’ hands and tugging him towards the makeshift dance floor in the middle of the ballroom. “Dance with me?”

Magnus smirked, his heart beating wildly. Ah, yes, perfect, Magnus thought. An excuse to be pressed closed to Alec and have his emotions become even more confused.

“Of course, darling,” he teased because it was what he was supposed to do, what he had to do if he didn’t want his pesky feelings getting in the way of their friendship.

***

Alec was trying really, really hard, not to think about Hawaii and everything that happened there. Trying to pretend it never happened. He didn’t regret it, he would _never_ regret it. It was just that those memories were permanently drenched in pain and longing and melancholy. He finally got everything he’d wanted for six years – to hold Magnus, kiss Magnus – and then it was just over.

If he were honest, he had no idea what to do now. He wanted Magnus more than ever, as more than a friend, more than someone he hooked up with one time. But, mostly, he just wanted Magnus to be happy. That was why he was trying — really he was — to let go and move on.

If the way his pulse raced, heart skipped and the all around joy he felt at getting to hold Magnus close while they danced was anything judge by, he was doing a terrible job. Really awful.

“Was there an ugly sweater contest I wasn’t aware of?” Magnus asked, breath brushing against Alec’s skin as he propped his chin on Alec’s shoulder.

Alec fought a shiver. “I don’t think so, why?”

Magnus was so warm, fitting perfectly against Alec. It was almost cruel.

Magnus leaned back slightly, eyes shining as he casually nodded off to the side. “Blackthorn. Penhallow.”

Alec’s gaze followed Magnus’ as he pointed out half a dozen coworkers, all of which wore varying degrees of horrifying sweaters.

“I think Aline is winning,” Alec said, considering them all thoughtfully.

“No way. Raj is,” Magnus argued. Alec barely heard what he was saying as he leaned closer to lower his voice. Alec’s heart raced. He’d been trying to avoid being so close to Magnus – it was distracting and didn’t help at all with trying to get over him. Especially when he was smiling like that, amusement etched in every feature, eyes more gold than green. Clearly, he was failing. “You saw that thing up close, didn’t you? It lights up _and_ makes noises.”

Alec licked his lips, swallowing dryly. “True,” he mumbled, voice failing him as Magnus looked up, their eyes locking.

There was a yearning in Alec’s heart, a tugging in his gut.

“So,” Magnus started. They’d come to a stop now, standing in the middle of the small dance floor, surrounded by their coworkers and coworker’s significant others. “What do you want for Christmas?”

Alec searched Magnus’ eyes, looking for any sign of what he wanted to hear. Was it joke? Was he being serious? Alec’s heart sank when he realized he couldn’t tell. Since when couldn’t he read Magnus like a book?

Alec cleared his throat, glancing away. “A pony,” he deadpanned.

Magnus snorted and the smile on his face made Alec feel like he was flying for half a minute, until he noticed that the smile didn’t reach Magnus’ eyes.

He opened his mouth, finding himself on the verge of blurting out what he really wanted for Christmas, what he’d always wanted. “Actually, Magnus,” he said, voice thick, fighting to get every word out. “I want—”

“Secret Santa time!”

Magnus glanced away before dropping his arms from around Alec. He smirked. “If your Secret Santa got you a crappy gift just remember he already got you a real present,” Magnus winked.

Alec snorted but he felt like running away. He’d been so close to saying — but of course that was stupid. He’d spent five months trying to forget about Hawaii, trying to get back to normal, he wouldn’t ruin it now by telling Magnus that all he wanted for Christmas, all he’d ever wanted, was Magnus.

“Come on, pretty boy,” Magnus teased, grabbing Alec’s hand and pulling him over to the table where all the secret Santa gifts waited. And Alec followed, because there wasn’t anywhere Magnus could go that he wouldn’t follow.

***

“Why didn’t you stop me?” Magnus moaned, unlocking the front door to the loft and all but falling inside. It was almost midnight by the time they got home from the Christmas party. Magnus had had a few too many cocktails and then someone had brought out a karaoke machine and now he was regretting his whole life, basically.

Alec laughed, helping Magnus off with his coat. “I tried. You said, and I quote, ‘i want to wow them with my abilities’.”

“Yeah, well, clearly I had too much to drink.” Magnus kicked his shoes off, stumbling into their small living room where Chairman Meow was curled on the couch. Magnus cooed, making his way to the cat and sprawling down on the couch with him.

“Chairman, never let me drink again,” Magnus muttered into the cat’s warm fur.

A few minutes later, Magnus rolled over onto his back, looking up to see Alec still standing in the doorway, frowning. He shoved his hands into the pockets of his coat, looking awkward. Magnus raised an eyebrow. “You going to bed? We could watch a crappy hallmark movie if you’re up for it?”

Alec cleared his throat, shuffling in place.

It clicked in Magnus’ head a moment before Alec started talking. He hadn’t taken his coat off. He looked awkward. And they were leaving for Connecticut in the morning.

“No, I was just going to go over—”

“Right, of course,” Magnus interrupted before he could finish. Alec was seeing someone. Of course he’d want to see the other man before they went out of town.

It felt like something was sitting on his chest, slowly crushing his heart. But it was fine. He was fine.

Alec shifted, pulling his hands out of his pockets to grab his keys. “Yeah,” he mumbled.

Magnus couldn’t help but think that this wasn’t how two “friends” acted. Six months ago, he would be teasing Alec relentlessly, telling him to use protection. Magnus only just bit back a bitter chuckle. He stood, grabbing the Chairman to head to his room.

“Well, have fun,” he said, sparing a quick glance over his shoulder but not really seeing Alec at all. “See you tomorrow.”

“Yeah.”

Magnus slipped into his room, shutting the door behind him and leaning back against it, the small cat cradled to his chest as he struggled to breathe. A minute or two passed before he heard the front door open and close again, like Alec had hesitated.

Chairman Meow made a low, unhappy noise as Magnus slid to the ground. When Magnus let go of him, the cat curled in his lap easily, staring up at Magnus with big eyes. “I’m fine,” Magnus whispered or maybe he didn’t talk at all, he couldn’t tell. “It’s not serious,” he told Chairman, something Alec had told him on the few occasions he mentioned the guy, ‘Pete’. “It’s not like he’s in love.”

Magnus closed his eyes, pressing his head back against the door. “Please don’t let him be in love.”

***

Alec was a coward. He knew this. He hated it. He just didn’t know how to deal with…everything. So here he was again, knocking on an apartment door, feeling like an idiot.

The door opened slowly, he heard the sigh before he even saw Lydia. “Hiding from your problems again, Lightwood?”

“I’m not—”

“Yes, you are,” Lydia said, holding the door open and stepping to the side to let Alec in. “The couch is yours.”

Alec sighed, running a hand through his hair as he stepped into her apartment. Alec had known Lydia forever; their parents having been working together for years. They’d both come to New York for school and never left. Before Magnus, Lydia was the only friend Alec had ever had outside his siblings.

“Does he still think you’re seeing some guy?” Lydia asked, following Alec into the living room. Her apartment was small and impeccably kept, usually. Now, there were takeout boxes on the glass coffee table, in front of the couch, and various papers spread across the dining table in the corner.

“Yeah. Pete,” Alec said, voice low and empty as he shrugged his coat off.

“Dressing up for Pete?” Lydia asked, raising an eyebrow at Alec’s suit.

Alec waved her words away, shaking his head. “No. We were at the office Christmas party.”

“Together?”

Alec sighed, kicking his shoes off, ignoring Lydia’s innocent look. “Of course.”

Lydia stared at him for a minute, he didn’t even bother attempting to mask the whirlwind of emotions he was feeling, nor how tired he was. Finally, Lydia sighed, moving to the kitchen. “Pete, really, Alec? You couldn’t at least come up with a better name?”

Alec chuckled, he could smell the coffee before Lydia started to pour it, sitting at one of the barstools silently. He didn’t even know where the Pete thing came from. There was no Pete, had never been a Pete. There was no one, not a single person since Hawaii. He just…didn’t know what to do. They were both trying so hard to make things go back to normal but they weren’t. So one night, when he couldn’t stand sitting home and ordering takeout and watching a movie like always, couldn’t stand the careful distance they would keep all night, the forced laughter and turning in early even though it was the last thing he wanted; he’d told Magnus he had a date. And then again, a week or so later, until he was using the excuse at least once a week. Most the time he’d come to Lydia’s or go to dinner alone.

If things could just go back to normal, he’d be fine, but at this point he was seriously starting to doubt if that would ever happen. What with the charged moments where he nearly gave in and kissed Magnus, and how careful they were all the time. He never noticed the casual touches before, the way Magnus would grab his hand to pull him along somewhere, the way they’d sit close while watching tv. A million little things that didn’t happen anymore. Because they’d — _he’d,_ fucked everything up.

Lydia slid a cup of coffee across to him along with some cream. She leaned against the counter, watching him closely. “Are you ever going to tell him, Alec?”

“Tell who what?” Alec asked, paying close attention to his coffee as he added a few splashes of cream.

Lydia stood up straight, glaring. “Tell Magnus.”

“Tell Magnus what?” Alec asked, looking up with a smile, hoping to distract her.

Lydia shook her head, not falling for his games. “That you haven’t been seeing someone for the past three months? That it was real for you? That you’re madly in love with him and want to jump his bones and have his babies?”

Setting down the cream, Alec stirred his coffee. He was seriously starting to regret that first night he’d showed up at Lydia’s after drinking a little too much while out with Magnus. They’d danced close all night, leaving Alec feeling like he was going to pass out at any moment. And then, of course, he’d ran away and immediately confessed everything to Lydia — even the things he was trying so hard not to think about, like the night they spent together. Lydia had then slapped the back of his head, telling him he was an idiot and needed to go tell Magnus how he felt, immediately. He hadn’t of course, and now every time Alec showed up he had to listen to her lecture. Part of him knew she was right, nothing good would come of never telling Magnus, he’d just be miserable forever. And…and Magnus was acting strange too, maybe it was because he felt awkward about what happened that last night, but maybe it was because he didn’t want it to end either. It seemed… fairly likely. But that didn’t mean he was ready to risk everything.

Alec shook his head; his own thoughts were driving him insane. He drank his coffee in silence for a few minutes before talking. “Nope.”

“Alec…” Lydia started in a soft voice, coming around the counter to stand before him. “If you don’t tell him, you’re never going to be happy and you’re always going to wonder.”

Ignoring the buzzing in the back of his head and the way his heart twinged every other beat, Alec stared down at his coffee. “Wonder what?” he finally asked.

“What could’ve happened. If he loves you back.”

Alec snorted, he couldn’t even think of that, it would only get his hopes up. “He doesn’t.”

“How do you know?” Lydia demanded, throwing her hands up.

“ _Because_ ,” Alec glared. “If he did, I would know. He would say or do something. We wouldn’t —”

“Maybe he thinks the same as you. Maybe he’s in love with you but just like your idiot self, he’s afraid to ruin your friendship. Afraid to be rejected.”

Alec shook his head. Standing, he stepped past Lydia, putting his cup in the sink and loosening his tie. He couldn’t think about this, couldn’t get his hopes up. They were meant to be friends, nothing more and he was okay with that. He just…he couldn’t pretend it could be anything else any longer.

“Magnus doesn’t love me, Lydia. I’ve been hoping for six years, but…he doesn’t. Not like that.”

“Yeah, well, you’re the only one who thinks that,” Lydia said. She looked exhausted suddenly and Alec felt bad but she merely waved him away, pulling her hair up into a high ponytail. “Good night.”

“Night,” Alec called, feeling like absolute shit as Lydia disappeared into her bedroom.

Alec finished pulling off his clothes, slipping into the pair of sweats he’d taken to keeping at Lydia’s for this very reason. He felt bad for lying to Magnus, for putting Lydia out even though he knew she didn’t mind. He just felt bad, period. This same aching in his chest and pit in his gut that had been there since Hawaii. That was there every time he looked at Magnus but couldn’t touch him the way he longed to.

Flopping down on the couch, Alec breathed out deeply, staring up at the ceiling blankly. He thought about Magnus, back at their apartment, probably curled up on the couch with Chairman Meow, watching a stupid Christmas movie, completely unconcerned with the fact that Alec was out with another guy as far as he knew.

Alec closed his eyes, listening to his own heart beat; slow and steady. It didn’t sound broken yet he could clearly the remember the moment it’d shattered, waking up in bed alone the morning after they made love. God, he was so stupid. He’d let all that happen, let himself kiss Magnus and be with Magnus, knowing it would kill him, knowing it would never lead to more and now… Now, he was miserable and alone and had to go home to his newly divorced mother, and Jace and Clary who were happily married, and Simon and Isabelle who were about to be happily married and what did he have? A best friend he was madly in love with and a broken heart. Just for once, Alec wanted to be selfish. He wanted to be the happy one. He wanted to be in love and have someone love him back. Was that to much to ask for?

***

Magnus had turned the radio up as soon as they got in the car to make the drive to Alec’s hometown. He didn’t want to talk. He didn’t want Alec to ask how his night had been or hear Alec talk about his new boyfriend. He didn’t even want to go to Lightwood manner for Christmas at this point, wishing he’d taken Ragnor up on the offer to spend Christmas in London. Of course, Isabelle was counting on him being there to discuss wedding details but not even that sounded appealing at the moment.

The closer it got to Isabelle’s wedding — really, ever since he found out about it when Simon called to ask for Alec’s permission and Alec nearly fell over laughing telling Simon he better not tell Izzy he called unless he wanted to die — all Magnus could think was that he’d never have that. He was so happy for Isabelle and Simon, so happy for Clary and Jace who were doing so well in Austin, but he was also bitter because all he could think was they were all younger them him, they were all happy, in love. And he…had nothing close to that. Magnus caught his gaze trailing to Alec and quickly looked back out the window.

Thirty minutes into the drive, Alec turned the music down, glancing over at Magnus with a worried expression. “You look tired,” he observed.

Magnus shifted, looking out at the retreating New York skyline. “Didn’t sleep much,” he said, which was true. He’d spent half the night wide awake, agonizing over everything that had happened between them and torturing himself with thoughts of what Alec was doing. The other half the night, was spent tossing and turning, upsetting Chairman Meow who’d then started biting Magnus’ feet.

Alec didn’t say anything else, turning the volume back up and returning to silence. Magnus leaned his head against the window, letting his eyes fall closed. It was going to be a wonderful holiday.

***

Alec wasn’t exactly thrilled to be back at his old house, in his old town, where he’d grown up and been shunned by his parents. Sure, things were improving since Maryse kicked Robert out and started making amends with her children, but the giant, towering brownstone didn’t exactly bring back warm fuzzy memories. Well, it did, but that wasn’t the house or his parents, rather his siblings.

Stepping inside, it was like stepping into the past. Everything looked the same. The entryway opening to a wide foyer, living room to the left with a giant, perfectly decorated fake Christmas tree, under which a mound of presents waited. A towering, imposing staircase straight ahead. Study off to the right. Kitchen and dining room in the back. Alec breathed in deeply, centering himself; it smelled like Christmas cookies.

“Oh god,” Magnus groaned, setting his bag down to pull off his coat. “Please tell me they aren’t letting Isabelle cook again.”

Alec snorted, slipping his own jacket off, leaving him in an old ratty black sweater that Magnus wrinkled his nose at.

“Oh, you’re here.” They both looked up at the sound of Maryse’s voice as she came out of the kitchen, a wide smile on her face that Alec was still trying to get used to seeing. “Finally.”

“Traffic was bad,” Alec explained, giving her a light hug and kissing her cheek.

Maryse nodded, shaking Magnus’ hand.

“We were just getting ready to have dinner,” Maryse said, gesturing to the staircase. “Your siblings and their significant others are upstairs. Go ahead and put your stuff in your room, dinner should be done in about twenty minutes.”

Alec nodded, grabbing their bags as Maryse turned back to the kitchen. She paused, turning back around. “I have you two set up in Alec’s old room.”

Alec frowned, sharing a confused look with Magnus.

“Oh,” Alec said, mind working slowly. “I thought I’d take the guest room like usual.” Magnus had insisted on stealing Alec’s room the first time they came to Connecticut way back when they were in college and visiting for the holidays, making Alec take the guest room. That was just the way it’d been ever since.

“That’s silly, Alexander,” Maryse said, shaking her head, brow furrowed. “I know you think I’m still not okay with this, and I know that’s my own fault, but I’m not going to make you two sleep in separate rooms now that you’re together.”

Alec straightened up, freezing. Oh _,_ he thought. _Shit._ He opened his mouth to say he didn’t know what but Maryse was already waving him away. A strange buzzing filled his head. What had he done?

“Toge—” Magnus started, only to be cut off by a loud squeal, as Isabelle came rushing down the stairs.

She plowed into Alec first, hugging him tightly before doing the same to Magnus. Pulling back, she grinned, waving her hand in their faces.

“Dear lord,” Magnus said, whistling lowly as he pulled Izzy’s hand closer, inspecting the large ring on her finger. “How did Sherwin afford this?”

“I have no idea,” Isabelle laughed, moving to hug them both again, this time at the same time.

Alec forgot what’d been happening before, fully focused on his little sister. “I can’t believe you’re getting married,” he said, pulling her close again.

“I know,” Isabelle said, breathless.

“And to such a nerd,” Alec teased.

Isabelle slapped his arm but laughed. “I _know_.”

“What is it, three weeks now?” Magnus asked, still staring at the ring.

Isabelle grinned, nodding. “Yup. Which reminds me,” she said, turning a stern look on them both. “Neither of you marked plus one but you’re coming together, right? Of course you are. I have you written down for a room with a view, you’re welcome. We, of course, have to beat Clary and Jace’s wedding. Everyone will remember mine over theirs.”

Alec couldn’t breathe. How had they forgotten to—

“Gee, Iz,” Jace grumbled, coming in from the kitchen. “We love you too.”

“Shush Jace, you didn’t even want the fancy wedding. Whereas it is my dream.” Isabelle grinned, eyes shining.

Alec’s mind was moving sluggishly, he could see Magnus frowning out of the corner of his eye but didn’t turn to look at him. Saw the moment it clicked in Magnus’ head, eyes going wide.

“Well, we have to go put our stuff away before dinner,” Alec said quickly. “We’ll see you in a few minutes.” Without another word, he grabbed their bags, hurrying upstairs, Magnus following after a moment’s hesitation.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, was all Alec could think, rushing upstairs and into his old childhood bedroom. He groaned when he saw that his mother had replaced his old bed with a bigger one. A bright red, silky comforter over it with lots of extra pillows. Everything else was the same, his old desk, his wall to wall bookshelves.

Alec dropped their suitcases on the ground, rubbing his hands over his face as he groaned.

He heard the soft click of the door shutting and turned to see Magnus leaning back against it with wide, panic filled eyes.

Magnus was the first to talk, his voice no more than a whisper. “We never—”

“We didn’t,” Alec agreed, nodding quickly as he began pacing, finding it hard to breath. He ran his hands through his hair. “Fuck.”

“How did we forget?” Magnus asked, voice raising, sounding slightly hysterical.

“Fuck,” Alec repeated like a broken record, sitting on the edge of the bed and hanging his head, eyes closed tightly. “I don’t know. I just…forgot.”

“You just forgot to tell your family we stopped seeing each other? That was the plan, Alec,” Magnus all but shouted. “Tell them we decided we were better as friends before it got to far! This is far to far!”

“It’s not like you reminded me,” Alec snapped. “You could’ve told Isabelle and Clary just as easily. It would’ve spread from there.”

Magnus groaned, shaking his head before hitting it against the closed door. “What about Pete?” he asked suddenly.

“What?” Alec frowned. What were they going to do? he thought. They couldn’t just tell them now, how would that work? ‘Oh yeah guys, we forgot to mention we broke up right after the wedding. It’s cool though. We’re cool’?

“Pete?” Magnus repeated. “You never mentioned Pete to Isabelle or Jace?”

“Who?” Alec asked distractedly.

“Pete,” Magnus shouted, voice raising with every word “The guy you’re seeing?”

“What? Oh, no,” Alec shook his head. Fuck. He was ruining everything. “It’s not serious. I mean we even… We broke up.”

“What?” Magnus frowned.

What? Alec thought. God, he was doing a great job here.

“When?”

“Uh,” Alec hesitated, trying to figure out his story. “Last night?” it came out more as a question than a statement but Magnus didn’t seem to notice.

“I’m sorry,” Magnus said but he didn’t sound sorry.

Alec waved it away, finally looking up at Magnus whose gaze held him in place, eyes smoldering. “I didn’t even know his last name,” Alec mumbled.

Staring at Magnus, the panic slowly faded. He wanted to be upset about this, should be, and he did feel bad but… But he wanted this. Stupidly. Selfishly. Had he done this on purpose, subconsciously?

Wringing his hands, Alec let out a deep breath slowly. “I’m sorry I forgot to tell them.”

Magnus shook his head, tugging on his hair lightly before meeting Alec’s eyes. “It’s not your fault. We were supposed to break up, both of us. We just…overlooked it somehow.”

“Yeah, somehow,” Alec parroted, studying Magnus, hoping for some sign that he wasn’t completely opposed to the idea of continuing their fake relationship.

Magnus sighed, glancing away. “So, what do we do?”

***

Magnus had told himself he’d never be stupid enough to do something like this again. Clary had been right, or partially anyway, when she told him their fake relationship would only lead to both their hearts breaking. Magnus didn’t know about Alec’s, but his had quickly been torn to pieces. And yet, here they were, doing it again. Sitting next to each other at dinner, sharing anecdotes, listening to Isabelle talk about the wedding while Simon watched her with the most endearing look on his face. Blushing when Maryse turned to them with some comment about how Alec was next in line to marry.

“What is this, are you going to sell me off to the highest bidder?” Alec teased, very clearly not looking at Magnus.

Magnus couldn’t do this, not tonight, not like before. He couldn’t go overboard, holding Alec’s hand, leaning in close, selling the deception. It hurt too much. He hadn’t planned on this and was desperately wishing he’d gone to London with Ragnor, or stayed in New York with Raphael and Chairman Meow.

How could they have forgotten to “break up”? What were they going to do now? Spend all Christmas break pretending and then break up? Isabelle and Simon’s wedding was two weeks into the new year. Five days away at some fancy ski lodge because she wanted a winter wedding. Would they just keep pretending? Before they knew it, they’d be fake engaged and as much as Magnus didn’t hate the idea of one day marrying Alec he would not pretend to be with him for that long. It would kill him. But what other option was there but to go with it until after Isabelle and Simon’s wedding? If they “broke up” suddenly before the wedding, everything would be awkward. He wouldn’t do that to Isabelle.

Magnus barely heard the rest of the conversation, only just making it through dinner and dessert, thankful when Alec quickly shut down the idea of watching a movie. “We were up late last night,” he said.

“Ooooh,” Izzy called as Jace whistled.

“At the office party,” Alec glared.

Magnus hummed, biting the head off a gingerbread cookie. He’d been adamantly avoiding Clary, who watched him from across the kitchen where she was making hot chocolate. He could already imagine how this conversation was going to go. She’d briefly cornered them when they came downstairs, grinning as she said how happy she was for them. Thinking it was finally real.

“We forgot to fake break up,” Magnus had told her before slipping away to his seat. He hadn’t needed to see her face to feel her disappointment, both in the situation and in him.

“Whatever grandpa,” Simon said. “Sleep well.”

“We’re going ice skating in the morning,” Isabelle called as they turned to head upstairs. “I will drag you there if I have to!”

Magnus said nothing, walking into their room silently before stopping to stare at the single bed. He hadn’t shared a bed with Alec since they had sex their last night in Hawaii. Magnus swallowed a sudden lump. They’d never even talked about it, which seemed stupid and idiotic and immature. Fuck. It was just sex. They were best friends. It was a one time thing. It happened all the time. Probably. Though, of course, Magnus didn’t have any other friends he’d fucked but… it happened. In tv shows and things.

What would they say anyway? It was a one time thing. They were caught up in the moment. It meant nothing.

It hadn’t felt like it meant nothing though. It wasn’t like Magnus was anywhere close to a virgin, he’d had plenty of partners, some better than others. But it’d never been like it was with Alec. He’d felt so…loved. Cherished. It’d felt like it meant more than just…being the closest warm body.

“You okay?” Alec asked, suddenly pulling Magnus from his thoughts.

Magnus cleared his throat, pushing away memories of Hawaii. “Perfect. Just tired,” Magnus said, moving to his bag quickly to pull out clothes.

“I could sleep on the floor,” Alec offered, shuffling around the room. It was a big room, in a mansion sized house. Magnus had been here many times over the years, teased Alec about the lack of personality to his room, asking him where all the pictures of half naked men were. He’d never felt so out of place as he did now. “Or sneak down after everyone goes to bed, sleep on the couch. Or one of the spare bedrooms.”

Magnus shrugged. “We can share the bed,” he said casually. “If you don’t mind. It’s not like we haven’t done it before.”

Alec was quiet a moment before coughing to clear his throat. “Right. Sounds good.”

Magnus nodded. “I’m gonna go shower,” he said, turning without preamble and heading back into the hallway, quickly locking himself in the bathroom. He turned the shower on before leaning back against the wall and breathing out deeply. It was fine, everything was fine. He only had to survive until new year’s. Sure, this wasn’t how he’d planned on spending the holiday but it’s not like pretending to be with Alec was the worst thing in the world. That was part of the problem.

***

Alec was sitting in bed pretending to read when Magnus got back from the shower, quietly shutting the door behind him. Alec had taken the left side of the bed, remembering from Hawaii that Magnus preferred the right side. He’d stacked extra pillows at the foot of the bed in case Magnus wanted to resort to a pillow wall.

Alec’s heart beat faster by the moment, making it hard to breath. This wasn’t how he saw the week going. He’d been hoping that getting away, back with their friends, things could finally go back to normal but that clearly was not going to happen. He couldn’t stop thinking about everything that happened the last time they shared a bed, a dull thrumming filling his ears as his face flushed, making it impossible to concentrate on his book.

When he finally brought himself to look over at Magnus, his heart skipped. He wore a pair of silky pajama pants and a shirt that was slightly too big for him and Alec was overwhelmed with the urge to pull him close, not to kiss or anything like that, just to hold him.

God, he was not going to survive the week.

“Ready for bed?” Alec forced himself to ask, setting his book aside.

Magnus stared at him from the other side of the bed. For a minute, Alec was sure he was going to say something but, in the end, he just nodded, climbing into bed silently. Laying on his side, facing away from Alec.

Turning the light off, Alec stretched out on his back, staring up at the ceiling and letting his breath out slowly. Alec could feel the space between, mere inches that felt like miles. He wanted nothing more than to cross them but that wasn’t a line he was allowed to cross just then. He’d already made things complicated last time, he wouldn’t do it again, no matter how much he wanted too.

“Hey, Alec?” Magnus’s voice came, barely a whisper in the dark, knocking Alec out of his thoughts.

“Hmm?” Alec mumbled. He’d been listening to the other’s downstairs, laughing at whichever movie they’d chosen, part of him wishing he’d stayed downstairs. He was so conflicted he didn’t even know what he wanted anymore. To go back to being best friends? Real best friends, not the awkward impersonation of best friends they’d been doing for the last five months? Or to finally move on to something more, to this being real, if that was ever in a million years possible? He just knew he couldn’t do this, whatever they were doing, for very much longer. His heart couldn’t take it and it wasn’t fair to Magnus.

“Is Pete real?”

“ _What?”_ Alec’s heart stopped for a minute, turning his head sharply to look at Magnus who still faced away from him. Magnus’ voice was soft and…empty. Alec’s heart fluttered erratically. Magnus was quiet for a minute before turning over onto his back, staring up at the ceiling. Alec watched him from the corners of his eyes as Magnus played with a loose thread on the quilt Alec had dug out of the closet when he opened the window, knowing Magnus liked to sleep with open windows in the winter even though he always froze.

“It’s just…” Magnus started before shaking his head. “I don’t know.”

Turning back to stare at the ceiling, Alec sighed. “No,” he finally said because what was the point of lying? He didn’t really know why he did it in the first place. And so what if the truth revealed that Alec wasn’t fine with the way things were between them, he wasn’t and he didn’t know what to do about that anymore. “Pete isn’t real. I’ve just been hanging out with Lydia. I…don’t know why I lied,” he said, voice trailing off at the end.

“Oh,” Magnus said.

“Oh,” Alec parroted. He stared at Magnus, waiting for a sign of what he was thinking or feeling. After a moment, Magnus rolled back over onto his side.

“Good night, Alexander.”

Alec turned over, staring out the open window. He let his breath out slowly, ignoring the hole in his chest. “Night.”

***

Magnus should’ve built a pillow wall, he knew it, and yet, he didn’t. He’d turned over in the middle of the night, at some point, and Alec was facing him now, snoring softly as he slept. And Magnus _couldn’t. sleep._ Instead, he was wide awake, thinking about fucking Pete. Who didn’t exist.

Magnus’ mind went through a dozen scenarios, reasons Alec would lie about seeing someone, but kept coming back to the same one. What if Alec wasn’t okay with how things were, what if he was just as affected as Magnus was by what happened in Hawaii? What if… Alec loved him too?

Sometime around three a.m., he finally managed to drift off. Waking up what felt like only twenty minutes later, to Isabelle and Jace pounding on the bedroom door for them to get up. “If you don’t hurry, you’ll miss breakfast!” Jace sing-songed.

“If you don’t hurry, I will come in there!” Isabelle threatened before stomping away.

Magnus groaned, burying his head in his pillow. “I am not getting up,” he grumbled, already half way asleep again.

Alec groaned against him in agreement and Magnus woke with a sudden start, realizing that his arm was draped over Alec’s waist, his head buried in Alec’s back. They were spooning. _Fuck_.

Magnus climbed from bed quickly, heart feeling set to burst from his chest. He heard Alec grumble behind him, still half asleep. Magnus hurried to the door before he could fully wake. “On second thought, I’m starving.”

Magnus stumbled his way downstairs, following the smell of fresh coffee and bacon. Turning the corner, he came up short, biting his tongue on a shout as Clary appeared in front of him.

“Can we talk?”

Magnus sighed. He hated avoiding Clary, she was one of his favorite people, but he really, _really_ didn’t want to talk about it.

“I brought you tea,” she said, holding up an ugly sweater mug.

Magnus groaned, he couldn’t say no now. “Merry Christmas Eve, biscuit,” he said, accepting the mug and kissing her cheek before following her into the empty living room. Laughter and shouts came from the kitchen as they sat on one of the couches.

“So,” Clary said, folding her feet under her. She was dressed in reindeer print pajamas, her red hair in a messy bun.

“So,” Magnus repeated. Arching an eyebrow, he sipped his tea. Curse her and her tea making powers.

Clary rolled her eyes. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“About what?” Magnus asked only to be met with a glare. He sighed, staring down at his nails.

“Magnus,” Clary prompted.

Magnus shook his head, jaw clenched. He absolutely did not want to talk but Clary was staring at him with _that look_ and the words were just waiting to burst from his chest.

“About the fact that five months ago I suddenly realized I’m in love with my best friend?” Magnus finally asked, voice low and strained though he felt more like screaming. He looked up at Clary as he talked, glaring slightly, not at her but…everything else. “Or how about how weird things have been ever since? Or how about how he’s been lying to me about seeing someone for the last two months and I have no idea why? Or that I can’t stop thinking of the way he kissed me, the way it made me feel? Or how we had sex that last night in Hawaii and I still can’t decide if it was the best moment of my life or my greatest mistake?”

Clary’s mouth fell open.

Magnus closed his eyes, breathing in deeply. “No, biscuit, I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Magnus,” Clary started, and she had that voice. That pitying voice that Magnus hated so much.

He shook his head, getting back to his feet. Whoever said talking about things made you feel better was an idiot. He only felt worse. “Don’t worry about me, Clary. I’m fine.”

Clary opened her mouth like she wanted to stop him but changed her mind. Shaking her head and squeezing Magnus’ arm on her way past him. “I’m here if you need me, Magnus.”

Alec was already in the kitchen when Magnus finally got there. Jace was sitting on top of Max on the floor, both of their faces red from laughing as Isabelle sat in Simon’s lap, throwing blueberries at her brothers.

Magnus snorted, stepping over them to get to the bagels on the counter. He didn’t let himself look at Alec, wondering if he’d noticed the spooning they’d been doing that morning. Magnus’ heart ached just thinking about it.

“Jace, no strangling on Christmas Eve,” Alec said a few minutes later, coming over to casually lean against the counter next to Magnus. He leaned close as the other’s started shouting and laughing again.

Magnus could feel Alec studying him but continued to stare down at his bagel.

“You look tired,” Alec observed. “Did you sleep at all?”

Magnus shrugged, turning to face Alec, who stared down at him looking so earnest, all wide eyes and pouting lips. Magnus felt weaker just looking at him. For a brief moment, he entertained the thought of leaning in, pulling Alec into a kiss, something he was unsurprisingly desperate for. Would it feel like he remembered or had he built it up in his mind? Would Alec kiss back right away or hesitate?

Magnus shook his head, forcing a smirk to his mouth. “It’s hard to sleep when you’re snoring,” he teased. “I forgot about the snoring is all.”

Alec’s mouth fell open as he stood up straighter. “I don’t snore.”

Magnus chuckled, sipping his tea. “Yes, you do,” he said, looking up to meet Alec’s eyes before imitating the sound.

Alec blushed, making Magnus’ heart stuttered, the tips of his ears turning red. “Shut up,” Alec muttered.

“Don’t worry,” Magnus shrugged, eyes dropping to Alec’s lips as he licked them. “It’s adorable.”

Alec rolled his eyes, clearing his throat but his blush lingered, making Magnus smile a real, sincere smile.

“Whatever,” Alec muttered, glancing away.

Magnus snorted, turning back to his breakfast. It was no surprise honestly, that Magnus had fallen for Alec. It was so easy. He found himself doing it again and again and again, without even meaning to.

***

On top of waking up holding Magnus close, something Alec would never get tired of nor stop wishing he could do every day; ice skating turned out better than expected. When Alec and Magnus both remembered that he was a terrible ice skater as Alec promptly got on the ice and fell, Magnus took it upon himself to save Alec; leading to Magnus guiding him around the crowded rink. And there’d been a moment where it’d taken everything in Alec not to kiss Magnus. They’d been staring at each other, smiling, Alec’s heart fluttering, a mob of butterflies in his stomach. Magnus was so close, leaning in, their mouths barely an inch apart. Then he nearly fell and that was that.

When they settled in to watch Christmas movies after baking cookies and Magnus curled up close to Alec on the couch, leaning into him as they shared a blanket, Alec nearly stopped breathing. Even though it was all he could think about the last five months, he’d someone how forgotten just what it did to him, being close to Magnus but still not quite having him. His every nerve ending was alight, he could barely move, overly aware of the space between them. Heart skipping every time Magnus laughed at the movie. It took everything in him not to kiss Magnus, it was all he wanted but he couldn’t do that. Not this time. He wouldn’t fuck things up again. It was both of them in Hawaii, teasing each other, flirting, kissing. But Magnus clearly wasn’t into that this time.

When Magnus stood up after the movie ended, moving to the kitchen to get something to drink, it felt like the first time Alec had taken a full breath all night.

“Should we put out cookies for Santa?” Simon asked. They’d turned the TV off and Jace and Isabelle were arguing in front of the fireplace, trying to get it going.

“Aren’t you Jewish?” Magnus asked, sitting down next to Alec and passing him a cup of hot chocolate. Too far away, Alec couldn’t help but think, eyeing the space between them. “And I think the fireplace might kill Santa.”

Simon shrugged. “I am Jewish, what do I care if Santa dies?”

Clary snorted from her seat on the bench under the big window, throwing a pillow at Simon’s head.

“See, Jace?” Isabelle shouted as the fire roared to life. “I was right.”

Jace glared, slumping back to sit on the floor by Clary’s feet.

Isabelle smirked, flopping down across the free couch. “I am woman, I make fire.”

Alec snorted, rolling his eyes at her fondly.

“Hey, did you know it was snowing?” Clary called, peering out the window. “There’s already a few inches on the ground.”

“Really?” Isabelle asked, standing to glance outside. She turned back with a wide grin, eyes shining. “Anyone up for a Christmas Eve snowball fight?”

Alec groaned as Jace and Simon immediately jumped to their feet. “It’s almost midnight.”

“Exactly! So we have to hurry!” Isabelle shouted. “Come on, it’s tradition.”

Alec stood slowly, he couldn’t argue with that after all. When they were little, they snuck out more than once to have a snowball fight in the middle of the night. In this kind of neighborhood, no one even heard their shouting in the park. Of course, they usually ended up with colds…

Alec turned to Magnus as the others hurried to grab coats and gloves and scarves. “Coming?”

Magnus looked from Alec to the window, widening his eyes and sticking his bottom lip out. “It’s so cold out there, Alexander.”

Alec snorted, holding his out to Magnus. “Come on,” he teased. “I’ll keep you warm.”

Magnus grumbled following Alec into the front hall. Alec bit back a smile and passed Magnus his coat. Magnus glared at the offending jacket, eyes wider than ever as he looked back up at Alec. “Don’t make me go outside, it’s so cold.”

Alec bit his lip, he was utterly defenseless when Magnus was looking at him like that.

“Met us at the park slowpokes,” Clary called, being pulled by Jace out the door.

A stiff breeze blew in from the open door and Magnus shivered.

“It will be fun, I promise,” Alec said, shaking his head to pull himself from his thoughts. He slipped his own coat and scarf on, tucking his gloves in his pocket and a bright red knit cap on his head.

Magnus sighed but Alec could see the teasing glint in his eyes. “If I catch a cold, I will make you pay.”

Alec smirked, grabbing a warm purple scarf from the pile of winter clothes that had been left out for just such an occasion. After Magnus finally slipped his coat on, Alec stepped closer, looping the scarf around Magnus’ neck. It wasn’t until he heard Magnus’ breath stutter that he realized just how close he stood.

Reaching for a matching knit hat, Alec looked up, meeting Magnus’ darkened gaze. Their eyes locked and it was electricity, a shock Alec should’ve been used to but probably never would be. Alec swallowed dryly, shuffling another half a step closer until they were sharing air. Reaching up, he pulled the hat down low over Magnus’ head, making Magnus laugh, a sound that never failed to make Alec’s heart miss a beat.

“We should probably go,” Magnus whispered but he didn’t move a muscle, eyes searching Alec’s own.

“Yeah.”

Somewhere in the house, a clock chimed the hour. It was officially Christmas Day and Magnus and Alec still stood in the doorway, staring at each other while, across the street at the small park, their friends laughed and sung Christmas songs.

Alec didn’t know who moved first, maybe they moved at the same time, maybe they were dragged together like two magnets. He really didn’t care because between one blink and the next, they were kissing. Alec’s shaking hands stilled, his stomach plummeted but in a good way as he was reminded of why Magnus was the only person he ever wanted to kiss, because no one else made his heart ache and race and soar; no one else made it feel as if the floor had dropped out from beneath him but it was fine because he was flying. Suffice to say, because kissing that one person you loved more than anything else in the world, ruined you for anyone else.

***

Magnus tried to fight the pull to Alec he felt constantly these days, he really did. But Alec was standing there, so close and warm, the snow coming down behind him. And for weeks he’d been holding himself back, and he really, really didn’t want to hold himself back anymore. So he leaned in, and Alec met him halfway, their lips crashing like thunder overhead.

Kissing Alec wasn’t as good as he remembered. It was better. Magnus didn’t possess the words to explain what it felt like. Hands clutching at each other, mouths moving together, both a battle for dominance and an elegant dance. He was breathless within seconds, knees weak, _swooning,_ every ounce of his body and soul screaming _yes,_ and he didn’t even care. He stepped closer, making Alec fall back against the wall just inside the door, rising up the slightest bit to better deepen the kiss, Alec’s body moving against his, making Magnus’ heart stutter.

It was zero to one hundred and back again as they suddenly broke apart, gasping for breath. Magnus opened his eyes slowly to find Alec already looking at him. His eyes were blown wide, his breathing ragged, making Magnus feel the slightest bit of pride. Magnus’ heart was racing but he tried not to let it show, eyes dropping to Alec’s lips. He leaned in just the slightest bit, unable to stop himself before pulling back again.

Magnus cleared his throat, glancing away. “Come on,” he said, nodding outside as soon as he could breathe again. “You have to keep me warm.”

He tugged Alec out into the snow, shivering immediately, the cold bringing him back to reality. He hurried across the street to the park before the dread could set in. Before his lips stopped tingling. Before he started missing Alec again when he was right there, following behind him.

***

“Are you using me as a shield?” Alec shouted, laughing as Magnus ducked behind him, making Simon’s perfectly shaped snowballs hit Alec instead of Magnus.

“Yes. Yes, I am,” Magnus replied, standing up behind him and slipping his arms around Alec, making Alec shiver and not from the snow. “And I’m freezing, Alexander,” he complained, hands slipping beneath Alec’s jacket. Alec shivered again, from Magnus’ cold gloves this time.

Alec turned in Magnus’ arms, pulling him close. “Now I’m cold,” he complained.

Magnus tilted his head up, smirking with one eyebrow raised. “So warm me up and maybe I’ll return the favor,” he teased.

Alec’s breath hitched, the snowball fight fading from his mind as he stared down at Magnus who didn’t back down, meeting his eyes with a challenge in his own. Alec was weak and after the first time, it was so easy to lean in again. Magnus smirked, closing the last bit of distance so their lips met in a much softer, slow kiss. Magnus bit at Alec’s lower lip lightly and Alec opened his mouth to him, their tongues brushing slowly. Alec’s heart felt set to race of his chest but he immediately warmed up, the cold all but forgotten until a snowball hit the back of his head and he bit lightly down on Magnus’ tongue.

They broke apart quickly, Alec turning to shout at Jace before turning back to Magnus.

“You bit my tongue,” Magnus pouted.

“Shit,” Alec said, holding his arms lightly, heart still racing from the kiss. What was he doing? He wasn’t supposed to be kissing Magnus – fuck, he already wanted to do it again. “Are you okay?”

Magnus nodded. “Wasn’t that bad. I’m going to go kill your brother now. Care to join me?”

Alec nodded, kneeling down to gather snow with Magnus, resisting the urge to pulling Magnus close again. When they turned and ran for the spot where Jace was hiding behind a tree, Jace cursed, running off without a backwards glance.

***

By the time they got back inside, Magnus really was freezing. Shivering as he stripped out of his wet clothes. He’d just pulled a pair of sweats on when Alec entered the bedroom with two steaming cups of tea.

“Oh thank god,” Magnus said, moving to the bed and taking his cup without another word, completely forgetting that he was still shirtless. Alec had changed in the bathroom, now dressed in candy cane pajama bottoms and a plain white t-shirt that sent Magnus’ mind spinning. No one would should look so good in a plain white shirt, tight around the shoulders – Magnus shook his head.

“Nice pants,” Magnus smirked, holding his cup close for warmth.

Alec rolled his eyes. “You laugh now but Izzy got you a pair too. They’re in the dresser, if you aren’t wearing them for presents in the morning she will hurt you.”

Magnus groaned, sipping his tea and instantly feeling warmer. “Who has a snowball fight at midnight on Christmas eve?” he asked, setting his tea down long enough to grab a shirt and pull it on, not noticing Alec’s eyes lingering on his bare torso. Once comfortably under the covers, he grabbed his tea again, leaning back against the headboard, knees to his chest for warmth.

“What’s a little cold when you get Christmas magic?” Alec teased, climbing in bed next to Magnus.

“Christmas magic is snow down your pants when it’s below freezing outside?”

Alec snorted, nearly spitting out his tea and Magnus felt marginally better. A comfortable silence fell as they finished their drinks, Magnus’ eyes locked on the big window. An outside light perfectly lit the snow that still fell. Magnus shivered again, the cold lingering in his bones, but he had to admit that there was something magical about snow on Christmas.

Alec scooted closer, taking Magnus’ cup from him before stretching out. He turned out the light, tugging at Magnus until he laid down.

Magnus’s breath hitched. “What are you doing?” Magnus whispered, heart lodged somewhere in his throat as Alec pressed close, wrapping his arms around Magnus and resting his head on the pillow bare inches from Magnus’ face. Magnus didn’t move, frozen in place, pulse racing. His mind flashed back to earlier in the night, kissing Alec. Memories flashing through his mind quickly, their first kiss in the hot tub in Hawaii. Alec pressing Magnus up against the wall. Their last night in Hawaii, panting into each other’s mouths. How —

“Warming you up,” Alec whispered, breath ghosting across Magnus’ neck, thoroughly distracting him from his thoughts.

Magnus swallowed, slowly moving. He hoped Alec couldn’t tell his hand was shaking as he wrapped one arm around Alec’s waist, or as he ran his palm over Alec’s chest, resting it over his heart. Magnus closed his eyes, trying to regain his composure, urging his heart to settle down. Part of him knew this was a terrible idea, he was only going to hurt himself more in the long run, ruin their friendship even further, but it was Christmas and this was all he wanted so he could pretend, just for a little bit. That it was real, that it didn’t kill him to be so close to Alec because he was allowed to be.

Within minutes Magnus was warm, heart beat slowing down as he easily drifted off to sleep.

***

“Wake up! It’s time for presents!”

Alec groaned as Jace pounded on the door one more time like a child and not the grown ass man he was supposed to be. Alec’s arms tightened around Magnus, they’d barely moved all night it seemed. Magnus turned, burying his head against Alec, who kept his eyes closed, breathing in and out careful and steady, so as not to disturb Magnus and try to get his own heartbeat under control.

He didn’t want to move. He was in that perfect state between asleep and awake where if he just left his eyes closed, he could easily drift off again. And Magnus was so warm and real and nothing waiting downstairs under the Christmas tree could possibly compare to what he had right there in the bedroom. He just wanted this dream to linger a little longer.

“I will barge in there if I have to,” Isabelle shouted, pounding on the door on her way past. “You have five minutes!”

Alec sighed, unconsciously rubbing circles across Magnus’ back. He never wanted to leave this bed.

Magnus moved suddenly and Alec opened his eyes, figuring he really had to at some point. Alec’s heart skipped, ready to sink but Magnus didn’t move away, only looked up, still pressed against Alec’s side. Alec realized his arm had fallen asleep at some point, caught under Magnus, but he couldn’t care less.

Magnus’ hair stuck up all over the place as he smiled sleepily, their eyes locking, searching for…something. “Merry Christmas,” Magnus whispered softly.

Alec swallowed. “Merry Christmas.”

Magnus’ eyes dropped to Alec’s lips, just for a moment, he wouldn’t have even noticed if he wasn’t watching Magnus so closely. There was a faint buzzing at the base of his skull, the world blurring around the edges until all he saw was Magnus and he didn’t know how his heart could hurt, could pine and miss, when Magnus was right there, close enough to kiss.

Alec was lost in his own thoughts but pulled out of them when Magnus leaned in, closing the distance between them before stilling, their breath mingling, lips centimeters from touching. Alec’s heart stilled, his hands shook which was stupid, so stupid. Magnus’ eyes were dark, green edging out the gold flecks. Alec felt ripped open, all his emotions on clear display on his face as he waited for Magnus to move.

What was he doing? What did he want?

Magnus’ eyes dropped to his lips again, and then there was no distance between them at all. Alec sighed into the kiss, just a soft press of lips, barely a kiss at all but enough to make Alec’s chest ache.

And then the door flew up.

“Presents! Now!”

***

Magnus really needed to get a grip on himself and _stop kissing Alec_ . It was very distracting and addicting and good — so good. Magnus shook his head sharply, pulling the Christmas pajamas Isabelle had left for him on. Stepping outside the bedroom, he jumped, surprised to find Alec waiting for him. Alec smiled one of his heart stopping smiles, holding his hand out to Magnus and okay, Magnus _melted_. He was weak. So weak. Alec could ask him for anything and smile like that and Magnus would do it in a heartbeat.

Magnus had never given much thought to the “magic of Christmas”. After his mom died, when he was bouncing between foster homes, he spent Christmas with Raphael or Clary’s family, and they were good Christmases, they always made him feel at home. But he’d always felt like he missed out, just a little. He didn’t believe in Santa, he didn’t grow up in a giant house, dripping Christmas.

Walking downstairs, hand entangled with Alec’s, his heart did this fast beat skip thing, and there was this warm feeling in his gut as he allowed himself, just for a minute, to imagine this was their lives. That ten Christmases from now they’d be walking down the stairs in their own house, still as hopelessly in love as Magnus was that moment. And that, felt a little like what he imagined Christmas was supposed to feel.

“Hurry!” Jace called from the living room.

“Chill. Are you ten?” Alec demanded, laughing as he tugged Magnus behind him. Stopping in the living room, Alec pulled Magnus close, wrapping his arms around him from behind like it was the most casual thing in the world, like it wasn’t taking everything in Magnus not to fall apart.

Alec propped his chin up on Magnus’ shoulder. Magnus could see him grinning from the corner of his eyes and, before he knew it, he was sighing, relaxing into Alec’s arms like it was home, heart be damned.

God. Alec was so fucking good at pretending. Magnus even nearly believed him.

Maryse smiled from the couch, shaking her head at them. Magnus had never seen her in anything other than a pressed, wrinkle free suit but now she wore green and red checkered pajamas under a Santa robe, holding a camera with a big smile on her face. Isabelle, Simon, Jace, Clary, and Max all sat around the towering Christmas tree, already digging through stacks of presents.

Alec pressed a kiss to Magnus’ cheek just then, surprising him into smiling even as he felt moments away from a heart attack.

“Come on!” Isabelle called. “I know it’s your first Christmas as a couple but there are presents that need to be opened.”

Magnus pulled away from Alec suddenly, forcing a smile to hide the spike of pain in his chest. Isabelle’s words only served as a reminder that none of this was real. It wasn’t their first Christmas together as a couple, it was just another disappointing holiday.

***

Alec knew he was being stupid, he shouldn’t be kissing Magnus or holding his hand or pulling him close, no matter how much he ached to do all of those things. He should just tell everyone the truth already but — but he was an idiot. And he couldn’t bring himself to ruin this for purely selfish reasons. Because he wanted this, so badly, and he wasn’t ready to give it up already. What did he think? That Magnus would suddenly realize he loved Alec back? That they might figure it out this time because Magnus had to feel _something_ for Alec, didn’t he? He wasn’t goading and teasing Alec this time, it felt real.

He was delusional.

Alec shook his head, forcing himself to focus on his family and friends, opening presents while eating Christmas cookies and sipping coffee. Presents took longer than necessary as they kept stopping to recount stories, laughing the whole time. Alec’s eyes lingered on Magnus, watching him open his gifts instead of opening his own. His gift to Magnus was in his pocket, he found himself saving it until all the other gifts were open.

Alec had had many “family Christmases” before. But none of them had been like this. Maryse usually made them wait to open gifts until after breakfast and they were all presents someone else had picked out. The rest of the day was spent preparing for their annual big wig Christmas party, while Alec entertained Jace, Izzy, and Max. This year, there was no Robert and no party, and Maryse was cooking. And Magnus was there, smiling at Alec every time he looked over, gazes lingering a little longer than necessary and it was so, so easy to pretend it was real, to pretend it could be real. He was nearly positive he was living in some kind of alternate universe at this point.

Once everyone moved away from the tree, heading to the kitchen for breakfast, Alec reached out, stilling Magnus with a light touch to his arm.

Magnus glanced over at him, eyes shining, smiling slightly.

Alec pulled out the small wrapped box, handing it to Magnus who stared down at it blankly for a moment. “Hold on,” Magnus said, leaving Alec standing with the gift as he ran upstairs.

Alec frowned, heart racing for no good reason. It wasn’t anything special, a small gift really. Something he’d seen that screamed Magnus. They’d gotten each other plenty of gifts over the years yet this felt important somehow.

Magnus came back downstairs a few minutes later, holding his own package, a small rectangular thing.

Magnus beamed, handing it over to Alec when he stopped in front of him. “For you,” Magnus said, snatching his small present from Alec’s hand and depositing the box in them instead.

Alec looked up to watch Magnus but he just held his gift, barely giving it a second look, eyes locked on Alec. “Go on,” Magnus nodded.

Alec bit his lip on a smile, pulling of the green ribbon before ripping into the red paper. Inside a small, flat box, Alec found a copy of his favorite book. His breath got caught in his throat as he pulled it out carefully. It was an old copy, really old. A worn leather cover, smelling musty like all old books. Alec’s hands shook slightly as he turned the book over, shocked.

“Is this…” he glanced up, seeing Magnus only just holding back a wide smile, eyes shining like he’d just gotten what he most wanted for Christmas.

“A first edition,” Magnus beamed, looking like he was the one who’d just gotten the most perfect, amazing gift.

“Magnus…” Alec whispered, looking back down at the book, flipping through the first few pages, eyes roaming over words he had memorized by heart. “This is…”

“Amazing, perfect, the best gift you’ve ever gotten,” Magnus supplied. “If you say it’s too much, I will kill you.”

Alec shook his head, holding the book delicately as his gaze returned to Magnus. “Magnus… I can’t believe you did this. You’re…”

“Amazing, perfect, the best gift you’ve ever gotten,” Magnus teased.

Alec laughed. His heart felt full, like it was overflowing and he so badly wanted to lean forward and capture Magnus’ smile against his lips but somehow he held himself back.

“My gift isn’t nearly as great,” Alec mumbled as Magnus finally turned his attention to the small box Alec had given him.

“Nonsense,” Magnus smirked, making quick work of the wrapping to reveal a small jewelry box.

Alec bit his lip nervously as Magnus opened the box. “Oh,” Magnus said.

“I just, you know, you always wear the same one and I just thought… Well, I saw it at the mall and it looked like something you would like and… so I bought it,” Alec rambled as Magnus pulled out the delicate cuff earring.

“I know it’s not much and you don’t have to wear it, I just — it’s stu—”

Magnus held a finger up to Alec’s lips, shocking him into silence as he hadn’t even realized he’d moved closer. Magnus looked up from the earring, throwing the box somewhere over his shoulder.

“I love it,” Magnus said, smiling softly. “It’s perfect, Alexander.”

Alec felt himself blush, unable to hold it back. He cleared his throat.

“Awww,” Isabelle cooed from the doorway. Alec jumped, turning to see they had an audience. Maryse, Isabelle, and Clary all three stood in the kitchen doorway, watching them. Isabelle smirking, Clary frowning, and Maryse surprisingly with a small smile on her face. “Not a ring, ring, but we’re getting close,” Izzy teased.

Alec’s blush worsened as he moved away from Magnus slightly.

“If only,” Maryse said, sighing.

Isabelle laughed, ducking back into the kitchen.

Alec rolled his eyes, following them to avoid looking back at Magnus, his book still clutched tightly, but not too tightly, in his hands.

“Wait!” Simon shouted as Alec and Magnus stepped in the kitchen together. “Mistletoe!”

Alec looked up, biting back a groan. Sure enough, the small green plant hung above them in the doorway. “You tricked us,” Alec accused.

Isabelle shrugged from her seat at the kitchen table. Maryse laughed, a strange sound coming from Alec’s mother, turning the camera to face them.

“I don’t make the rules,” Simon said, shoving a bite of pancake in his mouth. Jace and Max manned the pancakes but turned to watch with nearly identical smirks.

Alec rolled his eyes, turning to Magnus to get it over with as soon as possible. He wasn’t expecting Magnus to all but lung at him, pulling their mouths together firmly. Alec gasped as their lips touched, falling back against the door frame at the unexpectedly eager kiss. He only just stopped himself from dropping his book, free hand gripping Magnus’ hip tightly as Magnus deepened the kiss, their tongues brushing together, sending small shock waves throughout Alec’s body.

“We’re trying to eat here,” Max called.

Magnus’ hand disappeared from where he’d been cupping Alec’s face, laughter told Alec he’d flipped off the others but he was only remotely aware of that, all his attention currently on Magnus, holding him close, kissing him back with everything in him until Magnus pulled away with a last, small kiss to Alec’s lips.

“Merry Christmas.”

***

Magnus couldn’t remember a better Christmas. Practically the whole day was spent in the kitchen, eating, cooking, throwing things at each other. Lightwood manor had a big kitchen but not quite big enough, everyone moving around each other, tripping more often than not as they all worked to put together a Christmas feast.

And, of course, then there was Alec. Magnus’ lips still tingled from their kiss under the mistletoe, it took everything in him not to pull Alec into another earth shattering kiss as he continually passed Magnus in the kitchen, always with these little touches. Brushing Magnus’ arm as he leaned past him to grab something. Touching the small of his back as he passed. Every little touch, setting Magnus’ skin alight, making it impossible to concentrate. There was no way he knew the effect he had on Magnus which just made it all the more frustrating.

Magnus found it hard to sleep that night, lingering downstairs with Isabelle, talking about the wedding late into the night. He waited until he was sure Alec was asleep before heading upstairs. Moonlight shone in through the open window, a stiff breeze blowing through the room as Magnus quickly got ready for bed. He definitely didn’t notice how the pale moonlight played over Alec’s face as he slept. Nope. It didn’t make him want to run his hands through Alec’s hair that fell into his eyes as he snored softly.

Magnus took a deep, steadying breath before slipping into bed. He’d considered sleeping downstairs but it was Christmas and even if it wasn’t real to Alec, Magnus wanted to be with the person he loved. He’d managed to forget, most the day, all the thoughts crowding his head and just enjoy everything. It was only after dinner, as night drew nearer that he started to feel the normal pain in his chest, thoughts spinning wilder and wilder.

Magnus stared at Alec’s back for a moment, debating before moving closer. Reaching out, he lightly brushed Alec’s hair out of his face, leaning over to kiss his forehead, heart twinging painfully.

Slowly, not wanting to disturb him, Magnus stretched out, huddled close for warmth and no other reason as he slipped his arm around Alec, holding him tight. His heart thudded faster and faster until he was sure it’d wake Alec; sure he’d never get to sleep so overly aware of everything around him. It’d taken a lot not to follow Alec up earlier in the night, not to push him up against the wall and kiss him. Not because Magnus was desperate and hadn’t so much as hooked up with someone in months but because that feeling he’d had, all throughout Hawaii, that feeling that had him grinning, that made it feel like…magic between the two of them, the casual touches and teasing and laughing, had returned and he didn’t want it to go. He’d wanted to chase it down all night.

Magnus sighed, breath brushing the back of Alec’s neck, closing his eyes tightly. It wasn’t real. In a few days, they’d be back in New York and it would all go back to normal again.

***

Alec barely slept. Waking up when Magnus slipped into the room in the middle of the night, it took everything in him not to move as Magnus slipped into bed, curling close to Alec. He fell asleep quickly, breath brushing the back of Alec’s neck as Alec tried not to shiver.

Alec told himself that night that, by the end of the week, he would tell Magnus. That it was real for him. That he’d been in love with Magnus since the moment they met. Everything. He told himself again and again that he would tell Magnus because he had too. Because he couldn’t breathe when Magnus was so close and they were pretending so well that Alec could almost believe it himself but it wasn’t real. It _wasn’t_ real. And Alec could live with it, if Magnus didn’t feel the same. He could live with Magnus being happy with someone else. But he couldn’t live with this inside him anymore, growing stronger and stronger by the day. He couldn’t live with the constant back and forth, one second almost convinced that Magnus had to feel the same and the next positive that Magnus never would; never could.

So he told himself he would tell Magnus. But, he didn’t. Because he couldn’t stand losing Magnus. He hated not having Magnus like he wanted but at least Magnus was still in his life, at least he’d get to see Magnus be happy with someone else. At least… At least he didn’t have to see the pitying look Magnus was sure to have the second Alec told him because of course, _of course_ he couldn’t feel the same.

Before Alec knew it, it was New Year’s Eve. The last few days had been spent with them avoiding each other as much as possible. It hurt but Alec couldn’t stand pretending right then. It felt too real, hurt too much. Any time he was even near Magnus, there was this ache in his stomach because there was nothing he ever wanted more than to reach out and pull Magnus close but the few times he gave in, that — that was even worse. Because Magnus would step close, taking Alec’s hand or looping his arm around Alec’s back and he would look at Alec with this half smile, eyes shining and Alec couldn’t _breathe_ and then Magnus would pull away with a laugh and the world would come crashing back in, burying Alec in the rubble of the truth: that this wasn’t real. That it never was and never would be.

Yet, there were a few times where Alec was so sure it had to be real. Like when they got back from ice skating and Magnus tugged him down an empty hall, pushing him back against the wall, giving Alec flashbacks to Hawaii only now it was Magnus pressing him against the wall, kissing him until he couldn’t breathe. Alec gripped Magnus tight, holding him close, never wanting to let go until Isabelle’s laughter broke them apart. And even then, Alec didn’t say anything, couldn’t force the words out of his mouth because he was too scared to lose everything.

Alec only gave in once all week, but it was a struggle every other moment of the day. They were up late watching a movie with the others. When everyone else moved to the kitchen to get ice cream, Alec caught Magnus’ hand, pulling him back against him, until Magnus all but fell in Alec’s lap with this breathless laugh that caught Alec off guard, making his heart stutter.

Magnus had looked up, and let out this small breath, eyes locked on Alec’s as he caught himself over Alec. Their breath mingled, their heartbeats slowed or at least Alec’s did. And he’d kissed Magnus many times by now but never like this. The softest brushing of lips, sending shivers up and down Alec’s back. Magnus’ hands coming up to cup his face before slowly turning it into a real kiss, Alec’s mouth automatically opening for Magnus’ tongue. Alec’s hands slowly brushing up and down Magnus’ sides. All hot breath, and racing pulses, lips slowly sliding together, so comfortable with doing this by now.

And then, between one second and the next, Magnus had pulled away, slipped off the couch and walked off without a word, leaving Alec struggling to remember how to breathe.

Then there were the nights, and the mornings, where they always woke up tangled together no matter how much space had been between them when they fell asleep. By New Year’s Eve, Alec was sure that if he woke up one more time, holding Magnus close but knowing he couldn’t so much as kiss his cheek, he was going to combust. He didn’t even think he would care.

They woke up late on New Year’s Eve. They’d be driving home to New York the next day, on New Year’s instead of lingering. They woke like they had every other morning, legs tangled together, faces centimeters apart. Alec opened his eyes to find Magnus already looking back at him. They stared at each other a minute, Alec trying so hard not to let his gaze drop to Magnus’ lips that he almost flinched when Magnus’ dropped to his.

He felt it then, the extra buzz in the air that reminded him of the day of Jace’s wedding in a way that had his blood boiling. He barely dared to breathe, terrified to move and break the moment, not knowing where it was leading but wanting to find out.

Magnus licked his lips and Alec found himself unconsciously mimicking the gesture, swallowing dryly. Alec’s heart thudded along, his hands tightened in the sheets, needing to physically stop himself from reaching out for Magnus who was so close, breath brushing Alec’s cheeks. Close enough for Alec to count his eyelashes. Close enough for Alec to feel the heat from Magnus’ body. Magnus moved his foot, brushing up against Alec’s and it took everything in him not to flinch, heart skipping. He felt sure he was going to pass out at any moment, that his heart would burst free from his chest and that would be that.

“Last day of the year; have to make it count,” Magnus whispered, voice so soft Alec wouldn’t have been able to hear it if they weren’t so close. Alec swallowed dryly, eyes moving to take in every inch of Magnus’ expression. “How do you want to spend the day?” he asked and his voice was so low and breathy, it was hard for Alec to concentrate, let alone think.

Before Alec could think of an answer that was appropriate and not ‘in bed, with you, naked’, Magnus shifted, leaning in, hand moving. Fingers lightly dancing across Alec’s cheekbone as he moved to brush the hair out of Alec’s face.

“Magnus,” Alec said, voice hoarse and breathless, not knowing where he was going with it but just needing to say something, anything. The air fizzled around them, set to catch fire any minute. Every inch of Alec longed to be closer, closer, _closer_ to Magnus.

Magnus sucked in a sharp breath before shaking his head, holding a finger up to Alec’s lips to shush him.

Alec closed his mouth, he couldn’t find words anyway, it was hard to think, to concentrate with Magnus so, so close. Alec stayed still, letting Magnus decide what happened next, heart flipping painfully when Magnus leaned in closer, cupping Alec’s face with his hand, tilting his chin up. Alec’s eyes closed when their lips were still an inch apart, feeling every tiny bit of space crossed until Magnus’ lips hovered just above his.

Alec’s heart was racing so loud and fast that Magnus had to be able to hear it. Blood rushing through his head as he struggled to keep himself in check, not crossing that last breath of air.

Magnus breathed out against Alec’s lips and then they were crashing together. There was no in between, no buildup, no soft meeting of lips. One second they were barely touching, the next Magnus’ tongue was in Alec’s mouth, their breath coming hot and fast as Alec rolled over, pulling Magnus on top of him.

Magnus chuckled softly, straddling Alec, their lips never parting. Every thought in Alec’s mind emptied out, his systems short circuiting. All there was, was Magnus. Magnus on top of him, leaning down, their lips brushing, tongues tangling. All there was, was hot breath and racing heart beats. Alec shivered, barely holding back a moan as Magnus’ magical hands slipped under his shirt, running up over his abs.

_Yes_ , Alec thought, arching up under Magnus, chasing his lips when he pulled back for a moment to breathe. This was all he ever wanted.

Alec sat up, letting Magnus pull his shirt up and off. His body felt like it was on fire, every light touch of Magnus’ hands slowly and thoroughly turning him into a wreck. Alec leaned in, bringing their lips back together as he fell back on the bed, hands working to remove Magnus’ shirt. Alec let out a soft moan, distracted from his mission as Magnus started kissing along his neck.

Alec wasn’t thinking they shouldn’t be doing this. Wasn’t thinking how this wasn’t real. All he thought, all he knew, was that he wanted this and Magnus wanted this — wanted him, even if only for a little bit and that was all that really mattered.

Until someone knocked on the door.

Magnus pulled back like a frightened animal, staring down at Alec, both of them breathing heavy, eyes blown wide.

“I will come in there,” Jace threatened, knocking again.

“Don’t!” Alec blurted, eyes still locked with Magnus’.

“Whatever. Just get downstairs,” Jace shouted with a final knock.

The world felt frozen, like it’d stopped spinning entirely as they stared at each other, slowly coming back down to earth. “Magnus—” Alec started but it was too late.

Magnus shook his head, eyes going dark. A moment later he was off Alec, out of bed and across the room. He paused with his hand on the door, shaking slightly. Alec watched Magnus’ back as he breathed in raggedly, not able to bring himself to move from bed yet, not wanting this moment ruined even though it already was.

“Magnus?” Alec tried again, barely more than a breathless whisper. His heart was sinking, there was this pain in his stomach that made him feel like he was going to be sick any second now. He just wanted Magnus to come back to bed. He thought, if Magnus just came back, then everything would be fine between them. Perfect. They could at least talk. Something.

“Shower,” Magnus finally said, nodding to the door. “I’m gonna…”

And then he was gone.

Alec breathed out deeply, flopping back down in bed, his heart chugging along. He pinched his nose, closing his eyes tightly and shaking his head. It was fine. He was fine. It would’ve been a mistake anyway. They shouldn’t be sleeping with each other when they clearly didn’t feel the same about it. It didn’t mean anything to Magnus. He was just swept up in the moment and then Jace came along and he realized they were being idiots.

Idiot, Alec thought, shaking his head faster like that would somehow stop his heart from shattering. He’d never realized your heart could break multiple times over the same person before but he recognized the pain easily enough now.

Rolling over, Alec tugged the blankets back up, over his naked torso. Screw Jace, he was going back to bed. With any luck, he’d sleep through the whole day.

***

God. Magnus was an idiot. Such a stupid idiot. What had he been thinking? Kissing Alec like that. That clearly wasn’t part of the deception; the others didn’t need to hear them having sex to know they were together. And fuck, Magnus would’ve gone through with it. No doubt about it. No regrets. He wanted it. Not just because he hadn’t been with anyone since Hawaii, not just because it was the holidays and this was fake and he was lonely. But…because it was Alec. And he just…wanted to remember what it felt like, to know what it felt like again, just once more, before it was all over.

He. Was. An. Idiot.

Magnus started pre-drinking for the party early. Grabbing a bottle of wine around four, after having mimosas with breakfast. He and Isabelle hid out in her old bedroom until it was time to head to the party. By the time they started getting ready, the wine was gone and they’d broken out a second bottle. Somewhere in there, Isabelle and Magnus had decided to run away to Paris together, leaving their boyfriends and everything else behind.

“I’m going to find another drink,” Magnus said once they arrived at the party, which was well under way. A large ballroom filled with dozens upon dozens of rich colleges and old family friends of Maryse and Roberts’.

“Don’t forget,” Isabelle said, hiccupping between every other word. “Meet me at midnight.”

“Of course, darling,” Magnus said, bowing lowly to her before standing straight and heading deeper into the ballroom.

He’d managed to look fabulous even while doing his makeup with more than half a bottle of wine in his system. If he were being honest, he’d packed this outfit just to see the look on Alec’s face when he saw him in it. Which did not disappoint as Magnus stepped up to the bar, catching Alec’s eye across the room. Magnus smirked, seeing Alec trip over whatever words he was saying, starting towards Magnus before stopping himself like he was barely aware of what he was doing.

Alec had come earlier with Maryse, offering to help her make sure everything was in order. Simon had driven Isabelle and Magnus a few hours later.

“Fuck,” Magnus cursed, letting his eyes drop to take in Alec’s perfectly fitted light gray suit. _Fuck_ , no one should look that good without even trying, Magnus groaned inwardly, eyes wracking over Alec. Mind filling with memories of that morning, Alec underneath him, hair a mess, eyes blown wide —

Magnus shook his head, taking the last step to the bar, barely aware of what he was ordering.

Magnus made a point of studying the bottles of wine laid out above the back of the bar, pretending he was shivering because of the breeze coming through the back windows as someone stepped out into the garden, not because he could still feel Alec’s eyes on him, roaming  up and down again. Magnus found himself smirking as he tipped the bartender and forced it away when he turned back around.

Leaning against the bar, Magnus sipped his drink, letting his eyes lazily wander the room, passing over Alec again and again as he pretended not to notice him. Alec’s gaze was always on him though, just watching. Magnus hid a smirk behind his glass, adjusting his vest and running a lazy hand through his hair. He felt hotter by the moment, unaware of anything but Alec halfway across the room, every inch between them calling out to Magnus to close the distance.

Idiot, he thought, closing his eyes for a moment before forcing himself to turn away from Alec. He shouldn’t have kissed Alec, he shouldn’t’ve let it get out of control. If Jace hadn’t shown up — fuck, Magnus wished Jace hadn’t shown up. And that was a problem. He shouldn’t be thinking about his best friend that way. Life was so much easier before Hawaii. But, he thought, he wouldn’t change it for the world. Because now he knew why no one else seemed to fit with him, no matter how much he liked them, no matter how much fun he had with them, no one was right. Because the right one was there the whole time.

God, he was a walking cliché.

Over the next hour, Magnus had far too many drinks but it was fine, good. Because he stopped thinking. He stopped feeling Alec’s gaze on him. Stopped remembering what it felt like, pressing close to him that morning, urging moans from Alec as he slowly undressed him.

Magnus followed Isabelle and Clary onto the dance floor. Spinning around — something the room did whether he was dancing or not — Magnus made a deal with himself. He had tonight to do whatever he wanted and in the morning, through the New Year, he would move on. He would deal with his feelings for Alec and resign himself to the fact that nothing more would ever happen between them. And it would be fine, because he loved Alec, as more than a friend yes, but as best friend first and foremost.

Magnus nodded firmly to himself, decided. Once the song ended, he turned from Clary and Isabelle, leaving the dance floor, only one thing in mind. _Alexander._

Spotting Alec near the doors to the balcony, Magnus locked eyes on him, ignoring everyone around him as he pushed through the room towards him. Magnus froze a few feet away as Alec threw his head back, laughing. Magnus’ heart froze for an instant as he saw another man reach out, lightly touching Alec’s arm. Then everything around him went eerily calm.

Smirking, Magnus strode forward confidently. Straight up to Alec where he slipped a hand behind Alec’s head, pulling him into a deep kiss.

***

Alec saw Magnus coming, trailing off mid-sentence, as his eyes locked on Magnus who looked unfairly good in tight dark purple pants, an equally tight button up and a gold vest. The top four buttons - maybe more - were undone, leaving Magnus’ necklaces to float against bare skin in the most distracting manner ever. Alec’s heart skipped, stomach sinking. They’d been avoiding each other all day.

He found himself grinning when Magnus smirked at him, confidently heading his way. Alec opened his mouth, about to ask what had Magnus in such a good mood when Magnus stepped right into him, one hand behind his head, the other gripping his jacket, tugging him firmly against Magnus. Alec gasped into Magnus’ mouth, eagerly accepting his kiss, eyes shutting before their lips even met.

Alec’s mind emptied, his hands slipped to Magnus’ hips, holding him close. Mouth opening for Magnus’ tongue, every nerve ending alight the moment their lips touched. The rest of the world faded away. Minutes passed, maybe days. All Alec knew was he couldn’t breathe when Magnus pulled away.

Alec’s hands tightened on Magnus’ hips, stopping him from pulling too far away. He blinked his eyes open slowly, locked on Magnus’. The steely determination, the playful edge, was all gone, leaving nothing but Magnus’ wide shining eyes reflecting everything Alec was currently feeling, practically begging him to fall into them like he hadn’t done that years ago and never quite managed to climb back out.

Someone cleared their throat. Alec’s face immediately turned red but Magnus spoke before he could pull away.

“Hey handsome,” he whispered in the air between them before smirking. “I saw you standing over here and was wondering, did it hurt?”

Alec frowned, inclining his head.

“When you fell from heaven?” Magnus finished, breaking into a loud laugh a moment later.

Alec groaned, pulling away. “I don’t know you. It’s over. We’re no longer friends.”

Alec shook his head, turning back to the man he’d been talking to — Tom? Eric? He couldn’t remember. He was the son of some old friend of the family or something. Alec had only been talking to him because he hadn’t found a way out of it yet.

“Sorry about that,” Alec said, still bright red he was sure. The man had been hitting on him and now seemed uncomfortable, looking anywhere but at Alec. “This is—”

“Magnus Bane. Alexander’s boyfriend,” Magnus introduced himself.

Tom or Tim, nodded, shaking Magnus’ head and saying words Alec didn’t hear because his eyes were locked on Magnus, the word boyfriend repeating again and again in his mind. He couldn’t breathe. If this was real he’d almost say Magnus was jealous, with the way he’d kissed Alec but that was stupid. This wasn’t real. Magnus probably thought he was just saving Alec. Nothing more.

It took everything in Alec to keep his hands at his sides, nodding along to whatever Tom or Ron was saying. His eyes kept straying to Magnus who stood just a breath away, body facing Alec even as he talked to Ryan or Terry?

Alec clenched his fists, forcing his gaze away. Everything in him wanted him to reach out, touch Magnus, tug him close. Kiss him again. Alec could still feel him against his lips, tingling softly. Magnus was so warm and alive, so vibrant and real. Alec had tried for so long to get over Magnus, to find someone else he could love, but… there was no one. No one he wanted to spend every second of every day with and could never get bored talking to. No one who could tug at his heart so sweetly, so painfully. No one who kissed him like that, the way he longed to be kissed.

“Alec?” Magnus asked.

Alec shook his head, focusing back on the conversation. Tim had left. Magnus was staring at him with a small smile, eyes shining. “Sorry. What?” Alec asked.

Magnus’ shoulders swayed as he leaned close, running a finger down Alec’s chest. “Do you want to dance?” he repeated in a low, breathy voice.

Alec didn’t hesitate, grabbing Magnus’ hand and allowing himself to be tugged to the dance floor. He blamed the drinks he’d had throughout the night even though the logical part of him knew he hadn’t had enough to lose control, not yet. But he didn’t need alcohol to lose control with Magnus, never had.

Magnus pressed up close to him as a slow song started, the clock in the corner slowly edging past eleven, heading into the final count down to the new year. Alec rested his hands on Magnus’ hips, shivering as Magnus ran his hands up over Alec’s chest before looping his arms around Alec’s neck. Their faces were less than an inch apart, breath mingling, eyes locked. Alec breathed deeply, trying to stay grounded, remind himself this wasn’t real. They were just having fun. That was all.

***

Magnus had been jealous, he would freely admit that. Alec’s attention had been on someone else and he hadn’t like that. But now, now his full attention was on Magnus and that was addicting. Alec stared down at him and Magnus was sure he had to see it, had to see how thoroughly in love Magnus was with him, but he made no sign of noticing. Maybe Magnus had been looking at him this way the whole time, before Magnus even realized it himself.

The alcohol was forgotten, the fuzziness in his head abating, leaving him far too sober and yet not sober at all, Alec’s every touch further intoxicating him.

When Alec leaned in, nuzzling against Magnus’ cheek, he knew he wouldn’t be able to stop himself, didn’t want to stop himself. There was only one way he wanted to spend New Year’s and, judging by the way Alec’s pupils dilated as he pulled back, he wanted the same thing.

***

Alec tried to resist but he didn’t really want to. He told himself again and again that this was a bad idea, that he’d regret it in the morning. That it didn’t mean the same thing to Magnus that it would to him. Yet, when Magnus pulled back, eees searching Alec’s as he asked Alec if he wanted to get out of there; Alec hadn’t even hesitated. He could’ve said no, maybe he should’ve, but he didn’t want to.

Nodding, he’d taken Magnus’ hand, squeezing it reassuringly as someone shouted out that it was only a half hour until the new year. “Yeah,” he said, voice loud and clear and calm while inside he was a shaking mess. “I do.”

Magnus nodded, offering a small smile and taking Alec’s other hand, leading him as he walked backwards. “Me too,” Magnus whispered once they’d gotten out of the ballroom, tugging Alec forward into a heated kiss.

***

It was the longest cab ride of Magnus’ life. He was simultaneously terrified that Alec would change his mind or that Magnus himself would change his mind. It shouldn’t have been a big deal. They’d already done it once. It was just sex. But it didn’t feel like just sex. Because they were best friends in a fake relationship? Or because Magnus so desperately didn’t want it to be fake.

The second they were inside the house, all Magnus’ thoughts were silenced. The door was barely shut when Alec backed Magnus up against it, cupping Magnus’ face, staring into his eyes and waiting for Magnus to nod before bringing their lips together in a soft, searing kiss. Magnus melted.

***

Somehow, they managed to trip their way upstairs, pausing to kiss and pull at each other’s clothes, Alec almost falling back down the stairs at one point, making them both laugh harder than it should’ve. Magnus shoved Alec up against the wall, making him shiver as he kissed along Alec’s throat, tie wrapped around his hand to pull Alec into a breath-taking kiss before he pushed Alec back, hands shaking slightly as he quickly undid the tie, throwing it off near the stairs somewhere.

Alec could barely think, mind spinning, only one real goal in mind as he slipped his hand behind Magnus’ head, pulling him back in for a crushing kiss even as Magnus worked to undo Alec’s shirt buttons.

“Bedroom,” Alec eventually managed to say against Magnus’ lips.

Magnus nodded, walking backwards, keeping their lips locked as they stumbled over each other to get to the bedroom door. There was nothing graceful about them anymore, laughing their way into the room, kissing each other messily, all hot lips and roaming tongues until finally they were in Alec’s room, the door shut and locked behind them,

Alec kicked his shoes off as Magnus helped him out of his jacket, catching himself on Magnus when he nearly fell. Once his jacket was off, Alec turned, pressing Magnus back against the door.

Alec groaned, pulling back to look down at Magnus’ shirt, the buttons on his vest proving more bothersome than he’d thought. Magnus laughed, slapping Alec’s hands away and undoing them himself. Once the vest was out of the way, they slammed back together, Magnus’ soft laughter turning into a moan as Alec dropped his head, kissing along his neck and down his collarbone, hands deftly undoing the last buttons on Magnus’ shirt.

Magnus pushed away from the door, tugging his shirt the rest of the way off. Undoing the buttons to Alec’s as he walked backwards to the bed. Magnus pushed him down and Alec sat on the edge of the bed, tilting his head back to kiss Magnus who stepped between his spread legs.

“What are we doing?” Alec found himself asking a few minutes later. He could’ve hit himself, freezing as the words left his mouth.

Magnus’s hands stilled where they were roaming down Alec’s stomach. Mouth freezing on Alec’s skin. Alec felt him press a small, closed mouth kiss to Alec’s shoulder before pulling back. He hated the uncertainty he saw in Magnus’ eyes, like he was suddenly unsure Alec wanted this.

“I—” Alec swallowed. “I’m not objecting,” he clarified.

Magnus’ eyes shined like they did every time before he smiled. Their eyes locked, searching for…something.

Alec opened his mouth to say something else before closing it again. Now, he realized, wasn’t the time for talking. He didn’t really want to talk or think. He just wanted to feel.

They heard the clock strike midnight down in the living room just as they slowly drifted back together, Magnus pressing Alec back into the bed, their lips meeting in a suffocating crash.

Alec stopped thinking and started feeling.

***

The first time they made love, back in Hawaii, it’d been slow, dragging out every moment like they were afraid for it to end. It was exploring each other’s bodies in the dark, learning carefully how to move together. Hushed breaths and soft murmurs for more. This, was different. One moment, messy and fast, with an edge of anger but that same passion, that same care. The next, Alec kissed him so softly Magnus was sure he was going to shatter. But then that passion would return, kisses growing messy, teeth biting down lightly, nails digging in to backs. It wasn’t hate sex, which Magnus had had a few times. He still felt safe and cared for. This was just…well, alcohol fueled, tasting of impending regret. Not for the act itself but for what would come next, the pretending it never happened. For it not meaning everything he wanted it to.

Magnus forced his brain to shut off, something that wasn’t very hard as Alec moaned beneath him, giving into his feelings and shutting off everything else.

***

The second time was slower. Every touch carefully planned, lips gliding across skin, laughter breaking out more than once. Alec’s heart felt full. He’d never been with someone he could laugh with in the middle of sex. Yet, when it was over, and they finally fell asleep, there was this strange ache in Alec. Wondering what it would be like if it were real, if they weren’t holding back, if they weren’t just there because there was nowhere else to be.

Alec barely slept that night, enjoying the feeling of Magnus wrapped up in his arms. He couldn’t bring himself to regret it, it would kill him but he would pretend to be with Magnus for the rest of his life if he could, if it meant moments like this. Moments where he could almost believe it was real. God. He was pathetic.

In the morning, Magnus smiled at him but it didn’t reach his eyes.

“That was…”

“An…interesting night?” Alec supplied, heart lodged somewhere in his throat.

Magnus glanced away, nodding. “That’s one word for it.”

They didn’t say anything else to each other, taking turns showering and dressing before quickly packing. Isabelle and Maryse tried to get them to stay another day but Alec couldn’t stand the thought of pretending any longer, not right now when he was feeling more vulnerable than he had ever felt before. The night before, he’d been totally bare in front of Magnus, and not just in the physical sense, he’d let all of the emotions he kept so carefully bottled up show, on his face, in his actions. And now… it was over again. And he really just needed this pain in his chest to go away so he could breathe normally again.

“Is everything alright?” Isabelle asked, cornering him before he could leave.

Alec breathed out deeply, running his hands through his hair. “Fine.”

Isabelle narrowed her eyes. “I know you, Alec, what’s wrong?”

“I—” Alec shook his head, staring at Magnus over her shoulder. “Not right now, please,” he said, sounding on the verge of falling apart which was pretty accurate to how he was feeling just then.

Isabelle studied him for a moment before nodding. “Call me,” she ordered, hugging him tightly before turning to say goodbye to Magnus.

Alec breathed shakily, quickly saying goodbye before climbing into the car.

***

In his desperation to get out of the house that morning, Magnus had overlooked one small thing: he was now stuck in the car with the very person he wanted to be avoiding for the next few hours.

Magnus could barely concentrate, the night before playing back in his mind again and again. And he kept thinking, hoping, Alec… Alec had to feel something too, didn’t he? He’d known Alec for what felt like forever, he knew Alec wouldn’t do that if he didn’t feel anything. Would he? Magnus knew Alec had had one-night stands before but this was different right? One time in Hawaii was one thing but last night…

Magnus turned the radio up, trying to drown out both his thoughts and the awkward silence filling the car. He’d planned it all out that morning, lying close to Alec, pretending to still be asleep. He was going to talk to Alec about what happened, maybe even admit what it meant to him. But then… he hadn’t. Alec had said the night was “interesting”? What did that even mean?

Nothing, Magnus told himself firmly. It meant nothing. They were both drinking. It wasn’t like they hadn’t done it before. It was nothing.

But Alec had kissed back, every time. Alec had kissed him, even when no one else was around. You didn’t kiss like that if it was nothing. Magnus had had sex where no feelings were involved before and he knew that wasn’t what last night was. Was it possible?

Magnus glanced over at Alec, looking for anything. Some sign that he felt the same way.

Alec closed his eyes, leaning his head against the window. “Wake me when we get to New York.”

***

Back in New York, they walked into the apartment together. It was the middle of the night. There was a tension to the air. Alec watched as Magnus grabbed Chairman Meow off the couch, walking straight into his room and closing the door without another word.

Numbly, Alec went into his own room, flopping down on the bed with a sigh. How would they ever get through the wedding pretending to still be together? There was a sick feeling in Alec’s gut, beyond the heartache he felt thinking about the night before, wondering if it could possibly mean anything to Magnus. No, this sick feeling came from the sudden surety he felt that their friendship, whatever kind of relationship they had anymore, wouldn’t survive Isabelle’s wedding.

They were doomed. He never should’ve agreed to this plan. He never should’ve kissed Magnus. He never should’ve done any of it and yet, the thought of it having never happened, somehow that felt even worse.

Alec determined then and there that he wouldn’t let this ruin them, no matter how much it hurt him. For starters, he had to tell Magnus. By the end of the wedding at the latest. They’d never kept secrets from each other and if Alec wanted to keep Magnus, as a friend if nothing else, he had to tell him the truth. It shouldn’t be that hard. He’d only been hiding the fact that he was madly in love with Magnus for oh, six years or so now.

“Magnus?” Alec called, knocking on Magnus’ door a little bit later. “I’m going to order food, if you’re hungry,” he trailed off. There was no sound from Magnus’ room. He was probably just asleep, Alec told himself but he didn’t believe it. Magnus was ignoring him.

***

Magnus watched Alec out of the corner of his eyes as the plane took off. His eyes were closed, face relaxed. Dressed in one of his hole-filled old sweaters. He’d shaved and gotten a haircut the day before after Isabelle called demanded he not show up looking like he’d been hibernating. Magnus told himself to look away but didn’t, noticing the small smile curving up Alec’s mouth, taking in his fresh shaved face. His heart gave a painful twinge and he looked away just as Alec’s eyes opened.

This was the closest he’d been to Alec since New Year’s. For two weeks, he’d been waiting, hoping for some sign that Alec felt something, anything for him more than friendship. Hoping this stalemate would finally end, that they could move on from this. And Alec had avoided him, for two weeks.

Now, here they were, on their way to the mountains for a week where they’d continue to pretend they were in love and – and Magnus wasn’t sure he could do this again. He needed this to end so he could move on. It was all too much now. It was bad enough before when he’d still thought they’d eventually get over it. But after New Year’s… Magnus couldn’t breathe with Alec around and he hated that.

It’d taken everything in him to get on the plane that morning. He hated that he was dreading this so much. He should’ve been excited for Isabelle and Sherwin’s wedding but instead he wanted to sprint in the other direction. Every time he thought about spending the next five days pretending to be with Alec, holding his hand, standing close — the ache in his chest only got worse. He couldn’t even imagine acting like friends with Alec right now, let alone something more.

This wasn’t them, ignoring each other, barely able to say a handful of words to each other. Magnus had never felt so shitty when in Alec’s company. He didn’t even know what he wanted anymore, for this to be real or for it to just be over.

His mind kept turning back to New Year’s Eve, when everything had been so perfect for one night. He’d been sure then, that they couldn’t go back to ignoring each other, not knowing how to act when around each other. Yet, here they were. He was so _sure_ that night that Alec had to feel something, with everything that had happened since Hawaii Magnus couldn’t be the only one feeling this. Yet, for the last two weeks he’d been working late every night, something Magnus knew he didn’t have to do. And he was gone by the time Magnus woke in the morning even though they’d always taken the same bus. If that wasn’t a loud and clear sign that Alec didn’t want to see if this was real, Magnus didn’t know what was.

Clearly Alec felt awkward, having sex with your best friend could do that. Fuck. He probably knew it was real for Magnus was just trying to save Magnus’ feelings.

Half an hour or so into the flight, Alec suddenly turned to Magnus. Magnus’ breath hitched, he couldn’t help himself, he was an idiot because the few times Alec had bothered to talk to him the last two weeks, every single time, Magnus managed to convince himself that this was it, finally. Alec would say he hated the way things were between them, that he wanted it to be real. At least give Magnus some sign that maybe, just maybe, this was real to him too.

Instead, Alec glanced out over Magnus’ shoulder, clearing his throat. “I was thinking…” he started. “Maybe… Maybe we should set ground rules.”

Magnus froze, it took a moment for Alec’s words to process, his mind suddenly moving sluggishly. “Ground rules,” Magnus repeated. “Right. Good idea.”

“I just — I figure, you know, rules — they’re good. Makes things…straightforward. No confusion,” Alec continued, stuttering slightly as he continued to stare at that spot over Magnus’ shoulder.

Magnus nodded numbly. “Right. Wouldn’t want any confusion,” he said, only just managing to keep his voice flat, void of the bitterness he wanted to express. Magnus stared straight at Alec, daring him to meet his gaze. When Alec still didn’t look at him, Magnus decided on the first rule. He knew Alec couldn’t know he was hurting Magnus, he wouldn’t hurt Magnus like that, but that didn’t stop the bitter curl of anger in his chest. “No kissing.”

Alec’s gaze snapped to Magnus’ at his sudden declaration. There was a flash of something that was gone too fast for Magnus to recognize, reminding him yet again that he didn’t know Alec as well as he’d always thought.

“Unless the situation absolutely calls for it, but everyone’s convinced now that this is real, so I doubt it will come up,” Magnus finished, hating himself for making an exception.

Alec nodded. “Sounds…smart.”

“And we break up,” Magnus said because he really, truly couldn’t do this anymore. “As soon as the wedding is over and we’re back in New York.”

Alec swallowed but nodded again. “We break up,” he agreed before turning to face the front of the plane once again.

Part of Magnus wanted to be bitter and keep adding rules if Alec wanted them so badly but the rest of him just _hurt,_ so he turned back to the window, folding his arms across his chest, trying to hold himself together. Alec was just trying to make sure they didn’t make any more mistakes, he told himself, urging his heart not to feel like it was breaking. It was smart. And so what if Alec regretted what happened? Magnus didn’t really expect anything else, did he?

One more week. He just had to survive one more week. And then he had to tell Alec he was moving out.

***

There had been a million moments over the last two weeks where Alec told himself he was going to do it, going to talk to Magnus. And yet, he didn’t. And it was stupid and he hated it and it _hurt._ He’d never not been able to talk to Magnus about something before — not counting his unrequited crush. Going two weeks with this awkward tension, barely talking, it was killing him inch by inch. At the very least they should be able to talk about the fact that they’d had sex, unrequited feelings beside. Friends didn’t just do that and then pretend it never happened. Friends didn’t keep thinking about it again and again, wishing the morning after had gone differently. If only they’d had time, maybe they could’ve figured this out.

Alec wanted to believe Magnus felt something for him, after Hawaii and Christmas, but he’d convinced himself that of so many times… He couldn’t do it again. And now… they were going to break up and Alec couldn’t shake the feeling that they could never get back to what they were before this. Not after Hawaii, not now that Alec knew what Magnus tasted like, what it felt like to be as close as possible, what Magnus sounded like when he was coming undone.

Alec squeezed his eyes shut, trying to sleep so he would stop replaying every conversation they’d had since New Year’s — which was easy as there weren’t many. So he would stop replaying everything that happened over Christmas, stop imagining that it were all real and they could have that again. Stop being so achingly aware of Magnus, barely inches away from him.

He didn’t know why he wanted to set rules except that he couldn’t keep doing this. Letting him fall more and more in love with Magnus. Convincing himself it could be real, at least for a bit. He couldn’t keep kissing Magnus and holding Magnus when it wasn’t real.

The flight wasn’t all that long but it felt like forever. In a normal situation, he and Magnus would be laughing, probably watching a crappy in flight movie or making fun of everyone around them. They didn’t say another word the whole flight though. Once the plane landed and they’d gathered their luggage, they hopped in a taxi to take them up to the ski resort where they’d be staying for the week.

Despite wanting to outdo Jace’s wedding, Isabelle had done a very limited guest list. Just them, their parents and a few other close friends and relatives that would arrive the day before the wedding. Alec should’ve been looking forward to this but he couldn’t bring himself to feel anything other than miserable. He’d once thought nothing was worse than not knowing what it felt like to kiss Magnus. He was very, very wrong.

The worst part was that they’d all been to this ski lodge before, for Christmas a few years ago. Alec had hurt himself and Magnus had given up skiing all week to hang out with him inside. Alec shoved those memories away, not lingering on the front steps, taking everything in. Blowing through the front door, he moved to check in as Magnus lingered behind.

Alec got the key to their room and turned to Magnus as he smirked down at his phone. “Apparently there has already been a crisis. Isabelle says to get settled in and meet them all at the bar for cocktails at eight.”

Alec snorted but it was a forced sound as he shook his head. “Is this a real crisis or an Isabelle crisis?”

Magnus chuckled, leading the way to the elevator. “She just wants to have a perfect wedding.”

Alec shrugged, stepping into the elevator and pressing the button for their floor. He’d rather not think about weddings which was stupid of course because he would be literally surrounded by one all week. Alec forced his thoughts away from that, stomach in knots as he realized, not for the first time, that he’d probably never have that. The kind of love his brother and sister had found. The big wedding. At least not with the person he wanted to have all that with.

Alec was relieved when the elevator stopped, needing to get his mind on something else. Their room was at the end of the hall, all wood paneled walls and big windows looking out on the snow. Alec shivered even though it was nice and warm in their room. Everywhere he looked outside was endless white snow. The bed was covered in a blue checkered comforter and there wasn’t much else beyond a small couch and the bathroom.

Magnus moved to the small balcony, stepping out into the cold where snow still continued to fall. “I love the snow,” Magnus commented, breathing in deeply, eyes closed as he turned back towards Alec.

Alec’s heart skipped. He cleared his throat, setting his bag down on the bed and slipping out of his puffy jacket. He stared at the single bed, unable to look away. Alec’s best decisions were not made while in the same bed as Magnus. Or maybe they were his best decisions. He couldn’t tell anymore.

Magnus came to a stop next to him, staring at the bed with a frown.

“I can take the couch,” Alec offered. “It can be one of the rules.”

Magnus waved away the offer without looking at him.

“Don’t be ridiculous, it’s not like we haven’t slept together before.”

Alec didn’t know if Magnus noticed his choice of wording, Alec’s heart clenching tightly at the reminder of just what all they’d done together in bed. This was a whole new ache, more painful than the ache of knowing he was in love with someone who would never love him back. More painful than the crushing certainty that he would never get what he wanted. Cause he had it, for a brief, perfect moment. But it was never real.

“I need tea,” Magnus said suddenly. “I’ll meet you in the lobby.”

***

Magnus was going to survive this weekend and he was going to play it cool, not giving away a sign that it was killing him, even if it killed him. He wandered around the lobby, unable to stay upstairs alone with Alec with this horrible tension in the air. Magnus was all for tension but not like this. This wasn’t the two of them dancing around each other before falling into bed. This was them…falling apart and he didn’t know how to stop it. He couldn’t trust himself anymore, couldn’t trust the instincts he’d always relayed on or the surety he’d always felt in his gut that he could read Alec better than anyone else.

He kept thinking of the room upstairs, no matter how hard he tried not to. Of the single bed. Of falling asleep next to Alec again. Maybe he’d finally sleep tonight, something that’d mostly been evading him the last two weeks.

Magnus set off to find the bar, figuring it was never to early to start drinking. Rounding the corner, he came up short, nearly running into his favorite red head.

“Biscuit,” Magnus grinned, instantly cheering up a little. “Care to join me for pre-drinks drinks?”

Clary chuckled, hugging Magnus tightly. “Where’s Alec?” she asked, falling into step next to Magnus as they searched for the bar.

Magnus waved his hand vaguely. “Upstairs somewhere. Where’s the hubby?”

Clary wrinkled her nose at the word, shoving Magnus lightly. “Helping calm Isabelle.”

“Ah. Yes. What’s the crisis again?” Magnus asked, steering her into the bar.

“The flowers aren’t going to arrive on time apparently.”

Magnus gasped. “That is terrible. Does she have it under control?”

“It’s Isabelle,” Clary laughed, taking a seat at the bar. “Of course she does.”

Magnus chuckled, ordering a fruity cocktail. He felt lighter, happy to be distracted from his thoughts as he and Clary caught up on everything. He’d avoided her a lot over Christmas, not wanting to talk about things. It was a relief to get his mind off everything now.

Of course it couldn’t last forever. Halfway through their second drinks, waiting for everyone else to show up, Clary turned to Magnus with her patented serious look. “How’s…everything?”

Magnus sighed, staring down into his drink. He didn’t want to talk about this but also —

“We don’t have to talk,” Clary said softly. “But I’m here, if you want to.”

Magnus realized suddenly that he did want to. Maybe saying it out loud would make it make sense somehow. “I’m in over my head, Biscuit,” he admitted. “I don’t… I don’t know what to do anymore.”

Magnus shook his head, staring at his deep burgundy nails on the dark bar. Anytime he started thinking of it, his chest got tight, this panicked feeling filling his gut. “I… I’m in love with him. I don’t know how I didn’t notice it before. But, in Hawaii… it just all fell into place, you know?” Magnus couldn’t explain it himself. He’d never experienced love like this, it wasn’t at all what he’d thought. It wasn’t knowing the second he saw someone, there was no love at first sight, no sudden swooping falling, the only way he’d ever experienced it before. It wasn’t instant and it wasn’t gradual. It was looking over at some small, insignificant moment, on some easily forgettable day and realizing _wow. I love this person. This is it. My person. I never want to be without them._

Magnus didn’t even know when that moment had come.

“But it’s not real,” Magnus said, squeezing his eyes shut. “It’s not real and I keep fucking everything up. And I don’t know what to do or what I want or how to fix whatever is wrong between us. I keep _hoping_ but… God. And I slept with him again. Multiple times.”

“Oh, Magnus,” Clary whispered, leaning into him.

“And it’s stupid because how many times have I had meaningless sex? And suddenly, I can’t do that because it hurts. It hurts so fucking much.”

“Magnus,” Clary started.

“Bitches!” Simon’s voice carried across the bar. Magnus sat up at the sound of the rest of their friend’s laughter, quickly forcing a smile. Clary was still looking at him as he stood, turning to pull Isabelle into a hug, careful not to let his eyes fall on Alec.

Magnus breathed in deeply, burying his feelings as far down as possible.

***

The night was a blur. They spent a few hours in the bar before moving to the restaurant. Alec and Magnus sat as far away as possible without it being obvious. Across the table from each other, Clary sat close to Magnus, keeping him distracted most the night as Alec struggled to pay attention to the conversation going on around him.

“Alec,” Isabelle called as they walked through the lobby after dinner, heading to bed as they’d be meeting up early in the morning to get an early start on the mountain.

Alec lingered as everyone else filed onto the elevator, barely noticing them missing. Isabelle lead him over near the fireplace, away from the front counter where the bellboy was not so subtly eyeing them.

Alec forced a blank look on his face as Isabelle’s eyes drilled into him, a look of concern on her face. “What’s wrong, hermano?”

Alec swallowed dryly. “Nothing.”

“Alec,” Isabelle said, rolling her eyes. “I know you, big brother. I know something’s wrong.”

Alec sighed, running his hands through his hair and tugging. He didn’t want to talk about this but it was Isabelle, he couldn’t lie to her.

“It isn’t real,” he admitted, continuing when Izzy merely raised an eyebrow. “None of this is real,” he said, waving his hands around. “We aren’t together, we aren’t dating. We never were. I marked plus one on the invitation to Jace’s wedding but I didn’t have a date so Magnus thought we could pretend and now — everything’s fucked up. I fucked it up.”

Isabelle held up a hand, making him fall silent. Her eyes grew wide and pitying. “Are you okay, Alec?”

“Aren’t you shocked? Mad?” Alec demanded, frowning as he ran his hands through his hair.

Isabelle arched an eyebrow, shrugging. “Why would I be?”

“Because this whole thing has been a lie?”

“Well, obviously,” Izzy said, waving it away. “I already knew that.”

“You knew?” Alec repeated.

Isabelle sighed, rubbing Alec’s arm. “Alec, you’ve been in love with him forever, if something actually happened, you’d tell me right away. I was just…hoping this might turn into something real. I know you don’t think he has feeling for you but… You’re meant to be together. I know it.”

Alec couldn’t breathe. He looked away quickly, screwing his eyes shut.

“Now,” Isabelle said, dragging Alec over to the nearest couch. “Tell me everything.”

Alec rolled his eyes but complied. As he talked, telling Isabelle everything, even the hardest parts, Alec found it slowly getting easier to breathe. But god, it was all such a mess… When had that happened?

When he was done, Isabelle considered him for a moment, pursing her lips. “Alec,” she finally said, reaching out to squeeze his hand. “You _have_ to tell him how you feel. If you don’t… You’re gonna lose whatever this is you guys have. I know you’re scared and you don’t think he feels the same but… You don’t see how he looks at you.”

Alec took a deep shuddering breath, shaking his head. “What do you mean?”

Isabelle smiled softly. “I mean you have to tell him.”

Alec closed his eyes. “I know.”

When he finally got up to their room, all the lights were off, Magnus was curled on his side in bed, fast asleep. Alec’s heart clenched as he kicked his shoes off quietly, making his way to the bed. He stared down at Magnus, who was smiling softly in his sleep. Face bare of makeup, hair falling in his face. Reaching out, Alec lightly brushed the hair out of Magnus’ face. His heart slowed to a regular beat and he felt as if he could stand there, staring at Magnus for the rest of his life.

Leaning down. Alec pressed his lips to Magnus’ forehead before stepping back. He changed in the bathroom quickly before carefully crawling into bed, careful not to disturb Magnus. Alec laid on his back, staring up at the dark ceiling. He would tell Magnus. After the wedding. He didn’t want to ruin Isabelle’s big day.

Alec let his breath out slowly, on edge, sure he’d never get to sleep that night. Magnus moved suddenly, turning over in his sleep and pressing up close to Alec, breath brushing across Alec’s skin. Alec breathed in harshly, completely still. Magnus’ breathing was soft and steady, arm thrown around Alec’s chest. He didn’t know how long he laid there, barely daring to breathe before turning to tuck his head close to Magnus’, relaxing and letting Magnus’ steady breathing carry him off to sleep.

***

“You are so going down, Bane,” Jace called, quickly bossing Clary around. “More snow, babe. More snow! It needs to be big and fabulous. Can I steal your scarf?”

Clary glared at Jace, looking pleadingly to Isabelle. “Can we switch teams?”

Laughing, Izzy shook her head.

“Sorry blondy,” Magnus called. “But honestly, you may as well admit defeat now.”

“Alec, are you going to let him talk to me like that?” Jace demanded, heaving a handful of snow at Magnus who was quick to duck behind Alec.

Alec chuckled, Magnus’ heart did not skip it was just the adrenaline of escaping enemy fire. “Sorry, Jace. You’re my brother, I love you, but you are so going down.”

Jace pouted, turning back to Clary and muttering to himself as he began forming the first ball for his snowman.

“This is supposed to be friendly competition guys,” Isabelle called out, wrapping her scarf around Simon, whose nose was already a bright red. “Besides, my money is on mom, who already has her first ball done.”

Magnus glanced over to where Maryse stood, staring at her task with steely determination. “Shit,” Magnus cursed, quickly turning to Alec. “What’s our game plan?”

Alec shrugged. “I was going to ask you the same.”

Magnus rolled his eyes but couldn’t help but grin at Alec. The snow had stopped falling but it was freezing, Magnus’ feet sank into the ground with every step. They were out behind the lodge. After having spent most of the morning and early afternoon skiing, and then a few hours warming up, Isabelle had declared the next activity for the day to be a snowman contest. When Magnus protested, not wanting to go outside again and insisting there must be something they needed to do for the wedding, she’d glared, all but pushing him outside.

Magnus had been in a good mood all morning, he wasn’t going to think of what came next. He was going to enjoy being with his family this week, enjoy one his best friend’s weddings, and he would figure out what to do with Alec later.

Magnus quickly outlined the plan for their snowman, rushing back inside to dig through his suitcase as Alec began forming the first part of the snowman.

“Shouldn’t we call them snow people?” Simon was rambling when Magnus got back, joining Alec, who seemed to be freezing, nose turning red. “I mean, they aren’t all men. And sure, then you could call some snowwomen but is it really right to be assuming their genders like this?”

“Good point Sherwin,” Magnus called, handing Alec a cup of hot chocolate he’d gotten while inside before setting their supplies down.

Magnus focused in on the snowperson, getting to work, drowning out everyone else’s conversation except to make a joke here and there, suggesting Simon do something wildly inappropriate with his snowperson at one point that had Simon’s face turning so red he’d had to stop and take a picture of it.

Magnus was just putting the finishing touches on their snowperson when something hard and cold hit his back. Freezing, Magnus closed his eyes. “Alexander, you better not have just thrown a snowball at me,” he warned before turning slowly.

Alec stood a few feet away, looking at Magnus with the most ridiculously innocent look ever.

“You are so going to regret that,” Magnus threatened.

“Oh yeah?” Alec asked, arching an eyebrow. “You sure?”

Magnus stalked forward, face blank. “You’re so smug,” he all but purred, stopping barely an inch away, their puffy jackets brushing together. Alec smirked, eyes shining in the fading daylight.

“What are you going to do about it?” he asked, leaning in just the smallest bit.

No matter what Magnus told himself, promised himself, he somehow kept ending up playing this game. Teasing each other, pushing until one of them broke and did exactly what they shouldn’t be doing. He couldn’t help it. He didn’t want to.

The teasing was briefly forgotten as Magnus searched Alec’s eyes, looking for a sign, any sign that he wanted Magnus to kiss him, that he wanted Magnus.

Finally, he grinned. “This,” he said in a low, sexy voice. Leaning in close, he kissed the tip of Alec’s nose that had turned red from the cold.

Alec gasped and Magnus took his chance. Reaching out, he pushed Alec, catching him off guard and making him fall back in the snow.

“Oops,” Magnus said.

Alec glared before laughing. “Oh. It’s on.”

Magnus turned, darting away as Alec clambered up from the snow, giving chase. Magnus laughed, ducking behind their perfect snowman, shouting when a barrage of snowballs flew at him. Before he could catch his breath from that, shouting at the others for being traitors, Alec caught up to him, grabbing him from behind.

“Got you.”

“Careful—" Magnus started, too late. Another barrage of snowballs flew at them. Ducking together, they overbalanced, taking their snowman down with them.

Magnus groaned and Alec laughed, making his heart race. Alec had fallen on top of him, their faces somehow closer than ever when Magnus opened his eyes. Snow was seeping in through his clothes, he was freezing and yet, he didn’t want to move. Alec was grinning wider than Magnus could remember seeing in weeks, eyes dancing, weight comforting on top of him.

“So much for winning,” Magnus finally muttered, but he was grinning too.

***

“I really don’t understand why we couldn’t have just gone back to Hawaii,” Magnus grumbled.

Alec glanced over at him as they waited for the other’s in the cozy lobby of the lodge. He tried not to find Magnus completely adorable, tried to tell his heart that it shouldn’t skip at Magnus’ pout, that he shouldn’t feel the urge to lean in and kiss him, but he couldn’t help it. Gripping the arms of his chair, Alec did refrain from leaning into kiss him but only just. They had rules this time, no one else was around. There was no need to kiss. Except that it might literally kill Alec if he didn’t but what did that really matter?

Magnus had changed since they lost the snowman contest but he appeared to still be freezing. He’d stolen one of Alec’s warm, if old and slightly holey, sweaters to put on over his skintight long sleeve, pairing it with tight pants and warm boots. He curled up on the couch near the fireplace, staring out at the snow like it’d personally attacked him. His nose was still red, cheeks flushed with the cold.

Stop looking, Alec told himself, pulling his gaze away as a sharp pain went through his chest.

“I — I’m going to go get us some hot chocolate,” Alec said, standing abruptly, needing to get away for a moment so he could remember how to breathe. He wasn’t sure if it was a blessing or a curse how easily they continued to fall back into this act. Why was it so easy to do this and so hard to be friends anymore?

There was a dull ache in Alec’s gut that had been there for months now. He’d never allowed himself to even think he could have Magnus, never allowed himself to admit out loud to wanting him, never even considered telling Magnus because he didn’t want to ruin what they had. And somehow, he’d ruined it anyway. He’d never thought he would lose Magnus as a friend…

Alec was heading to the front desk to have hot chocolate sent up from the kitchen when another guest bumped into him. Alec glanced up, apology ready since he hadn’t been paying attention.

“Oh, shit, I’m so sorry,” the guy said, catching Alec’s arm. He was handsome in a classic kind of way, pale skin flushed, blonde hair falling in his eyes. He’d clearly just come off the slopes, a wide grin stretched across his face.

“No problem,” Alec said, turning away.

The guy turned with Alec, focusing his full attention on him. Alec frowned as the guy smiled wider. “I don’t know how I didn’t see you,” he said, gaze slowly roaming down Alec’s body and back up, his grin turning into a smirk as he went.

“Really, it’s no problem,” Alec repeated.

Still, the guy lingered, blocking his way when he turned to leave. “What’s your name, pretty boy?”

Normally, a comment like that would make Alec blush but he couldn’t bring himself to be anything but annoyed just then. It wasn’t this guy’s fault so much as everything else but he really didn’t want to deal with this right now. Besides, the guy wasn’t close to Alec’s type. Of course, it wasn’t really his fault that Alec’s type was Magnus and no one else.

“Look, I was just—”

“Alexander,” Magnus called, suddenly appearing next to Alec, who frowned even as he literally felt himself light up, heart racing as Magnus stepped close, slipping his arm around Alec’s waist. God, he was weak, he thought, practically melting at Magnus’ touch. “I’m freezing, darling,” he all but purred, leaning into Alec’s side.

Alec only just held back a shiver, taking in Magnus’ wide, pleading eyes, Alec’s sweater just a little to big on him. Alec snapped out of it when Magnus turned his gaze to the snowboarder, arching an eyebrow. The rest of the world crashed in on Alec as he realized what Magnus was doing, marking his territory.

“Magnus Bane,” Magnus said, holding out his hand to the snowboarder, who was frowning unhappily. Alec missed the snowboarders name, mind spinning. Magnus wasn’t jealous, he told himself, this wasn’t like the New Year’s party, though that was what he wanted this to be. He was just saving Alec. Plus, they were supposed to be here together, Alec couldn’t very well flirt with someone else. Not that he wanted to anyway.

“I was going to ask A—”

“Alec,” Magnus was quick to supply as Alec’s full name formed on the snowboarder’s lips.

“Alec,” the snowboarder frowned. “If he wanted to get a drink but I’m guessing that would be a firm no?” he teased, seeming to take things in stride.

Magnus turned to Alec, blinking at him slowly, smirk curving up his mouth.

Alec swallowed. He really shouldn’t be so close to Magnus, he thought, it couldn’t be good for his health, the things his heart was doing. “No,” he said firmly. “Sorry.”

The snowboarder waved him off, turning with a grin to head after his group.

Magnus waited until they disappeared to drop his arm, stepping away. Alec’s heart ached at the loss of warmth and the uncertain look in Magnus’ eyes that was there for a brief moment before disappearing, replaced by a perfectly blank expression.

Heart sinking, Alec turned away. He couldn’t do this. “I’ll just…get the hot chocolate,” he muttered, leaving Magnus watching after him.

***

“Shh. _Shh_ ,” Jace shouted, slurring slightly as he swayed on his feet. They were all laying around Jace’s room after dinner, passing around a few bottles of alcohol Jace had procured from somewhere.

Magnus arched his eyebrow, watching with amusement as Jace tried to steady himself, raising the bottle of wine he was currently holding up in the air. Magnus had refrained from drinking too much despite the urge to forget everything that was going on around him. He couldn’t trust himself when he was drunk and sharing a bed with Alec.

“Everyone’s shhhhhing,” Alec called from his spot on the couch, leaning close with Isabelle, passing a bottle of cinnamon schnapps back and forth. Isabelle laughed, hiccupping half way through.

“I wanna practice my speech,” Jace declared, loudly. Magnus shared a look with Clary, the two of them leaning against the headboard with Simon hanging off the edge of the bed, the only three mildly sober people in the room.

“Get on with it,” Simon called, waving his hands.

“Is — Izzy — Issssabelle,” Jace finally managed, words interrupted by a case of the hiccups.

“They really went all out, didn’t they?” Magnus whispered, eyeing the three Lightwoods with amusement.

“I hope Max grows up to be better than them,” Clary snorted. The youngest Lightwood would be arriving the next day along with Robert, whose arrival Magnus was sure had helped egg Jace on in his quest to get everyone drunk.

“I love you,” Jace finally continued. “And I’m —” Jace paused, resting a hand over his mouth, eyes going wide. “Gonna puke,” he finished, thrusting the bottle of wine into Alec’s hand he rushed to the bathroom, just managing to make it from the sounds of it.

Alec and Isabelle laughed loudly, leaning close, clapping for Jace.

“Okay,” Magnus said, standing abruptly. “I think we should save the rest of the drinking for tomorrow.”

“Yeeess,” Isabelle called, stumbling to her feet. “We need to save some fun for my party. Brother dearest, you did get me a stripper, didn’t you?” Izzy slurred, throwing an arm around Alec’s shoulders.

Alec pouted, eyes bloodshot. “I couldn’t find one out here,” he said, looking and sounding incredibly sad.

“Awww,” Isabelle said mimicking his pout. “I still love you,” she added.

“Okay, yeah,” Simon said, pulling himself up and moving to help Isabelle to her feet. “Time for bed.”

Alec and Isabelle climbed to their feet together, propping each other up. Magnus watched them closely, ready to swoop in at any moment to steady them.

“You’re such a great maid of honor,” Isabelle was telling Alec as Magnus and Simon steered them out of the room.

“Have fun,” Clary called behind them.

“Have fun in there,” Magnus shot back, nodding to the bathroom where Jace was now groaning loudly, calling for Clary.

“Can I be your maid of honor?” Isabelle asked, stumbling towards the other end of the hall.

“I’m a man Isabelle, I’ll have a best _man,”_ Alec corrected her.

Magnus watched amusedly. Maybe he should’ve been paying a little more attention to just how much the two of them had been drinking.

“Can I be your best man?”

“No, silly. Magnus will be my best man.”

Magnus froze, the smile quickly fading from his face.

“No, stupid. Magnus will be the other groom,” Isabelle snorted, smacking him on the chest.

Simon laughed, shaking his head next to them. Magnus swallowed dryly, wishing they would walk a little faster.

“Oh. Wait.” Isabelle froze suddenly. “I forgot,” she whispered, turning to Magnus with wide, sorrow filled eyes.

“What dear?” Magnus asked, reaching out for her arm.

Isabelle shook her head, her expression so innocent and sad it tugged at Magnus’ heart strings.

“Izzy?” Simon asked.

Isabelle turned back to Alec, looking from him to Magnus and back. “I wish it was real,” she said softly. “I want you to be happy. You’re happy together. Why can’t it be real?”

“What’s she talking about?” Simon asked, frowning at the three of them. Magnus couldn’t reply, couldn’t breathe. Fuck, he wanted so badly to say he wanted it to be real too but he had not had enough to drink to do that.

Magnus just shook his head. “You should get her to bed,” he said and, despite his best efforts, it came out as barely more than a whisper edged with melancholy.

Simon was still frowning but moved forward, taking Isabelle’s arm to help support her as they moved to their room.

“Please say you love him!” Isabelle called out.

Magnus bit his lip, trying to remember how to breathe through the tightness in his chest. He didn’t even know which of them she was talking to but neither said a thing as they stopped before their room. Magnus quickly pulled out his keycard and opened the door, tugging Alec inside.

When he turned around after closing the door, he found Alec looking at him, perfectly still, an expression on his face like that of a lost puppy.

Sighing, Magnus couldn’t even enjoy how cute Alec looked like that, hair falling in his face, eyes wide open, through the sudden exhaustion he felt. Not just from the long day but from all of this, it was sucking the life out of him.

Reaching out, Magnus tugged on Alec’s arm. “Let’s get you to bed.”

He wasn’t sure he’d ever seen Alec quite this drunk. Even on New Year’s Eve, they’d been drunk but it’d been more of a tipsy, fun drunk than this deeper drunk.

Alec yawned, following close as Magnus moved further into the room. Magnus stopped near the bed and Alec stepped up behind him, leaning down to press his lips to the side of Magnus’ neck. Magnus’ breath hitched and he barely heard Alec’s mumbled, “Good idea. So tired.” Alec yawned against his skin, tickling him.

Magnus bit his lip, he wouldn’t smile. There was no reason to smile. Isabelle’s words repeated in his head and every urge to smile left him. Turning to Alec, Magnus took a step back, looking him up and down. “Can you undress yourself?”

Alec stared down at his hands. “I don’t remember how.”

Snorting, Magnus reached out, tugging Alec’s sweater up and over his head. Ignoring his naked chest, Magnus unbuttoned Alec’s jeans, breathing deeply and keeping his mind firmly on task. As Alec stepped out of his jeans, jumping around on one foot as he attempted to get his shoes off once the jeans got caught on them, Magnus moved to their bags, tossing a pair of flannel pajama pants at Alec.

As Alec struggled to right himself, Magnus stepped into the bathroom, washing his face before changing into his own warm pajamas. When he got back out, Alec had opened the window, letting in the cool breeze like Magnus preferred, and climbed into bed.

Magnus bit his lip as Alec held his hand out. “Sleepy. We should sleep,” Alec muttered.

And Magnus couldn’t help himself. Reaching out, he took Alec’s hand, letting Alec tug him into bed. Pulling the covers up over them, Alec wrapped his arms tightly around Magnus.

“Comfy?” he asked, looking over at Magnus, hair falling in his eyes, looking heartbreakingly adorable.

Magnus breathed out slowly, adjusting his position slightly until he was comfortably lying on Alec’s bare chest. “Yeah,” he breathed.

Alec fell silent and Magnus assumed he’d already passed out, focusing on his own breathing, overly aware of how close they were pressed, every inch of them that touched highly alert. God, how badly he wanted to be able to do this every night. Hold Alec close, fall asleep with his arms wrapped around him. Magnus’ chest ached because he would never get that. They’d get back and break up and then what? Magnus would move out, try to move on. Could they even manage to be friends after all of this?

When Alec spoke, chest rumbling under Magnus’ head, Magnus jumped, not expecting it. “Magnus?”

“Hmm?” Magnus turned his head into Alec’s chest, eyes closed tightly. This was too much, Alec’s voice, low and hoarse. The way they were wrapped up in each other. The fact that Magnus knew this was only happening because Alec was drunk and he should get up and go sleep on the couch but he just couldn’t bring himself to do that, to pull away when he wanted this so badly it hurt. His chest was tight, eyes burning. And fuck, he didn’t ask to feel this. He didn’t ask to fall in love with his best friend. How was his life this much of a cursed cliché?

“I miss you,” Alec finally whispered.

Magnus froze, pulled abruptly from his thoughts. He almost looked up but forced himself to stay still. “I’m right here,” he muttered.

“No, you’re not,” Alec said and he sounded so sad that Magnus wanted nothing more than to reassure him but he wasn’t done. “I miss being friends. I ruined it,” Alec mumbled. “I ruined everything.”

Magnus breathed in harshly, hands clenching tight to ground himself. “Alexander…” he started but Alec buried his head in the pillow and was asleep within seconds.

Sighing, Magnus shook his head. “I miss you too,” he mumbled to an empty room.

***

Alec woke slowly the next morning, his body felt pleasantly warm, head buzzing slightly from all the alcohol he’d had the night before. He wasn’t awake enough to regret drinking so much yet, to remember everything that had happened the day before. He was in that pleasant place between awake and asleep, clinging to the vestiges of a sweet dream as he slowly opened his eyes.

Magnus was still asleep, barely any room at all between their faces as they shared the same pillow. Even with Magnus so close, no part of their bodies touched. Smiling softly, the warm feeling in his chest growing, Alec’s eyes slowly mapped out Magnus’ face which looked so soft in sleep. Hair fluffy and standing up all over the place.

“Magnus,” Alec said softly, stopping himself from reaching out for him. “ _Magnus.”_

Magnus stirred, grumbling as he turned his head into the pillow.

“Magnus,” Alec whispered again, trying not to laugh.

Magnus turned his head back to Alec, opening his eyes slowly. He breathed in sharply, like he was surprised to find Alec so close. If Alec had been fully awake, if hadn’t still been just the littlest bit tipsy from the night before, he might’ve noticed the way he was looking at Magnus, everything he was thinking and feeling clear on his face as his mouth turned up the slightest bit, gaze soft and full of love that he’d always felt for Magnus but had somehow gotten even stronger ever since Hawaii.

Magnus closed his eyes, breathing slowly. Alec leaned in just the littlest bit, rubbing his nose along Magnus’ cheek, wanting to bridge the last of the distance between them, every bone in his body urging him to kiss Magnus, softly, slowly, forever. But he held back, only just brushing his lips over Magnus’ cheek, hearing Magnus’ breath hitch, before pulling back enough to see Magnus’ eyes.

Magnus’ eyes were wide, a small furrow between them as he frowned, searching Alec. Alec held still, staring right back at Magnus.

“What are you doing?” Magnus asked, voice barely above a whisper.

“I want to kiss you,” Alec said without hesitation. Neither of them talking loudly, the rest of the world falling silent around them. “Can I kiss you?”

Magnus’s Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed. He eyed Alec a moment longer before slowly nodding. “Yes. You can kiss me.”

Alec smiled, heart skipping happily. Reaching his hand up, he rubbed his thumb across Magnus’ cheek, leaning in slowly. There was no need to rush, he thought, it would be better to linger, just a moment, watching the way Magnus’ eyes darkened, listen to his breath quicken as he watched Alec, waiting to see what he would do next.

Alec’s pulse raced, heart pounding through his chest. The only part of them that touched was Alec’s hand on Magnus’ cheek, breath teasing across Magnus’ lips. Alec never wanted this moment to end, he wanted to drown in it, remember every detail as he finally leaned down, their lips just lightly touching at first. Alec held back, brushing their lips together once, twice, three times before committing. Magnus letting out a soft, content sigh as Alec’s hand slid into his hair, tilting his head to more firmly kiss Magnus.

***

Magnus hadn’t expected to wake up to this version of Alec, all lingering looks and soft kisses. He thought maybe Alec was still a little drunk, his heart twisting painfully in his chest when he first opened his eyes to see Alec looking back at him. Then Alec had kissed his cheek, touching him so softly, carefully, like Magnus was something to be treated with care and he’d asked, in that low, heart tugging voice, if he could kiss Magnus and how was anyone supposed to turn away from that? Magnus had never been good with self control, and he didn’t want to be, not just then. He wanted one more moment and then another and another, before this all firmly came crashing down.

They were barely touching besides their lips, he could feel Alec holding back, kissing softer than ever in a way that made Magnus’ insides tie in knots, his heart ache. He’d never been kissed like this, lips automatically following when Alec pulled back, keeping their lips touching. Hours, days could’ve passed and he would never know. Blood rushed through his head that spun dizzily as he was wrapped up in Alec, drowning in him, aching for this moment to never end.

Alec’s hand stroked Magnus’ cheek, the only other contact between their bodies. When it became too much and Magnus couldn’t breathe anymore, when he couldn’t stand to be kissed like this a moment longer knowing it was going to have to end eventually, he pulled back, air rushing back into his lungs. Alec was breathing steadily, gaze burrowing into Magnus’.

Magnus opened his mouth but no words came out. His heartbeat was echoing through the room, clearly loud enough for Alec to hear. Biting his lip that tingled from Alec’s kiss, Magnus stayed stock still, waiting to see what Alec would do or say, stupidly hoping once again for him to say what Magnus was dying to hear, that he loved him back, that this wasn’t fake to Alec just like it wasn’t close to pretend for Magnus.

“I…” Alec started, eyes slowly clearing. He paused, licking his lips. The moment he glanced away to gather his thoughts, Magnus’ heart shattered. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.”

Sober Alec was clearly back, Magnus thought bitterly. He stared at Alec a moment longer, begging him silently to say something else, to say what that kiss meant to him, if anything at all. “Why’d you do it then?” he finally asked, hating himself a little for voicing his bitter feelings of rejection.

“I…” Alec trailed off, squinting one eye closed as he watched Magnus closely. “I—”

Magnus shook his head, quickly climbing out of bed, barely noticing the bitter chill in the air. The anger and hurt mixed in his stomach, making it hard to see as his chest grew tight with an ache so real he thought he was going to be sick.

“Magnus—” Alec started but Magnus shook his head, cutting him off.

“Save it, Alexander,” he said. Taking a deep, shuddering breath, Magnus made himself turn back around. It was over, he had to stop this now.

Alec was sitting up in bed, looking lost and confused as if he hadn’t been the one to talk to Magnus in that soft, sweet voice. As if he hadn’t been the one to kiss Magnus, and hold him close the night before. As if he had no idea what he’d been doing the last months, _years_ , making Magnus fall hopelessly in love with him.

“Just stop, Alec,” he said, pretending his heart wasn’t shattering into more and more pieces with every word, watching Alec’s gaze turn more and more confused before his expression went blank. Magnus was proud of himself, for standing there and saying what he said next, for his voice not wavering, his eyes not giving away his complete heartbreak. “Don’t do that,” Magnus finally said, waving to all of Alec as he shut down. “Don’t pretend it means nothing. Like you don’t feel anything when you kiss me like that. You don’t — you don’t kiss something like that if you don’t care.”

Magnus breathed heavily, like he’d just ran a mile, waiting and waiting. He felt exposed, like he’d set it all on the line. He met Alec’s eyes, silently begging him to say something, anything. To tell Magnus he was right, that it did mean something. The longer the silence lasted, the harder it was to breathe.

“Got it,” Magnus finally whispered. Turning, he walked calmly out of the room, shutting the door behind him. The whole time, Alec didn’t say a word.

Breathing in through the pain in his chest because he had to, Magnus walked a few doors down, knocking on Clary’s door. With one look, Clary reached out, bringing him into a hug and kicking Jace out of the room.

“What happened?”

Magnus shook his head, moving to the mini bar for a drink even though it was barely eight A.M. “What did I expect, really?” Magnus asked once he found his voice. “That somehow, impossibly, he would love me back? That it, any of it, meant anything to him?”

Magnus shook his head, throwing back the small bottle of Scotch.

“You’re crying,” Clary whispered, moving close to Magnus.

“Am I?” Magnus asked, reaching up to touch his face. “I hadn’t noticed.”

Turning, he let Clary pull him into a hug, squeezing his eyes shut tightly. “ _Fuck_.”

***

Alec numbly climbed out of bed, the sound of the door closing so quietly somehow echoing through the room or maybe it was only echoing through Alec’s head, he couldn’t tell. He was finding it hard to breathe, his mind frozen, heart only just pitter pattering along. He couldn’t explain what had just happened, didn’t understand it fully himself. One moment he’d been happily drowning in Magnus and then Magnus had pulled away, slowly, lingering and it had just clicked in Alec’s head, what he’d been doing, what they’d promised not to do and he’d panicked. Chest aching because he didn’t want to regret kissing Magnus ever, but he’d broken the rule he’d wanted in the first place. He kept doing this, setting restrictions, he wasn’t supposed to kiss Magnus, he wasn’t supposed to fall deeper in love with Magnus, only to single handedly break them all. It wasn’t fair to Magnus.

And then, Magnus had just stared at him. Climbed from bed so slowly, every gesture edged with anger. Alec’s head was pounding, he could barely think. It took a few minutes for Magnus’ words to register and even still he’d just sat there like an idiot. What was he supposed to say? Did Magnus want him to have meant something by the kiss? He had to have, right? That was the only reason he would ask, wasn’t it?

“Fucking idiot,” Alec muttered to himself, jumping out of bed and tearing across the room. By the time he’d slipped into the hallway, Magnus was gone.

***

“What’s first?” Simon asked, jumping in place as he pushed his glasses up, grinning at Clary.

Magnus had never been so grateful to be spending time with Sherwin. The three of them were reconvening downstairs in the restaurant after Magnus had pulled himself together, making his way back to his and Alec’s room long enough to get ready, both relieved and disappointed that Alec wasn’t there. Isabelle had decreed that the day be spent separated between the groom’s party and the bride’s before rehearsals the following day, which gave Magnus a perfect opportunity to avoid Alec all day.

“Breakfast, mimosas, and then I thought we’d go skiing,” Clary shrugged, pretending not to be overly interested in Simon’s bachelor party.

“Oh,” Simon muttered. “Cool.”

It wasn’t a secret that Simon not only hated skiing but he was terrible at it, almost always managing to injure himself and others.

Magnus stared at him blankly before turning to Clary. “He doesn’t seem overly excited. Do you think we should’ve planned something?”

Clary’s eyes went wide as she turned back to Simon. “Shit, he seems disappointed. I didn’t think he really cared about the bachelor day party thing, whatever.”

“Oops,” Magnus winced, reaching out to pat Simon’s arm. “Sorry, Sharron, we really didn’t think you would care.”

“I know you guys are kidding,” Simon deadpanned, glaring between the two of them. “You are, aren’t you?”

Magnus smiled, his first genuine smile, the melancholy in his chest lessening for a minute at least. “I don’t know,” he said, “Are we, Biscuit?”

Clary shrugged. “I guess you’ll have to come with us and see.”

Spending the day with Clary and Simon turned out to be good for Magnus. He’d never been super close with Simon but had known him for a long time, leading to Magnus’ place in his wedding party, that and the fact that they’d been split down the middle, Alec and Jace with Isabelle, Magnus and Clary with Simon. He’d forgotten how fun it was to spend time with the best friends who still acted like they were twelve years old when together instead of their mid-twenties. It wasn’t often they were all together anymore and it turned out to be good for him.

The day passed quickly, any time Magnus’ mind turned back to that morning, Clary would thrust another glass into his hands. They went out on the snowmobiles Magnus had arranged for them to rent — before drinking — spending the day racing each other around, taking in the beautiful mountains that surrounded them and playing a likely unsafe version of tag like children. Clary insisted on making snow angels at one point. They drank spiked hot chocolate and ate waffles for dinner before retreating to the arcade armed with flasks hidden in their jackets. They all got dressed up in tuxes, even Clary, to hit the arcade at the lodge as the main part of Simon’s bachelor party. When Magnus found out they had a laser tag arena, all his sorrows were briefly forgotten as he and Clary teamed up on Simon and a bunch of children, decimating Simon again and again, giggling more than the children as they sipped from their flasks.

He found himself laughing, nearly falling over as they found an old dance dance revolution game in the back of the arcade and took turns destroying Simon at it. For the first time in months, Alec was far from his mind and he was able to just enjoy himself. Not having realized how much this had all been weighing on him until he went a few hours without it. Even back in New York, while at work, or hanging out with friends, it was always there. That he and Alec weren’t good anymore, the tension that got worse and worse every day that passed with them barely talking to each other. He’d blocked it out, forgotten it during Christmas but it wasn’t just going to go away. It killed him but he couldn’t be just friends with Alec anymore because they were barely friends.

All of this came crashing back down on Magnus as he stumbled back to the main lodge with Clary and Simon early into the morning hours. He wanted to have what they used to, the friendship that meant more to him than anything but, he had to admit to himself, he couldn’t have that right now. They _didn’t_ have that right now. He wanted too much and he wanted to be content for things to go back to how they were but he wasn’t sure that was possible anymore.

The sick feeling in his gut was there because he knew exactly where this all left him, and he hated it.

“Can I crash in here tonight, Biscuit?” Magnus asked, not nearly as drunk as he’d felt when they were shooed out of the arcade, falling all over each other.

Clary didn’t hesitate. “Of course, Simon is anyway. Can’t let his bride see him like this.”

Magnus kissed Clary’s head before flopping down on the couch. Part of him wanted to go back to Clary’s wedding, to have never started this thing with Alec in the first place but also, he couldn’t stand the thought of having never known what it was like, to kiss him, love him.

Magnus closed his eyes tightly, resolved to put an end to all of this as soon as the wedding was over.

***

“Okay, that is it,” Isabelle said, throwing her hands up and glaring at Alec over breakfast. “Do you want to ruin my wedding, Alec?”

Alec looked up, shocked, feeling as if he’d just been slapped. “What? No, of course not.”

“Do you want to ruin my bachelorette party?” Izzy glared.

“No…” Alec said, a little scared now as Isabelle placed her hands on the table, leaning forward to glare at him at a closer distance.

“Then start talking.”

“Um what?” Alec frowned, glancing to Jace for help but Jace only shrugged.

“What happened?” Isabelle demanded her voice as sharp as a knife. “I know something happened after I drunkenly told you and Magnus I wished you were really in love. So tell me. Now.”

“Wait, what?” Jace asked, looking up with a piece of bacon hanging out of his mouth.

Isabelle rolled her eyes, leaning back and sipping her drink. “Alec and Magnus aren’t really together. They’re in a fake relationship.”

“What?” Jace repeated, spitting out his bacon.

Alec groaned, hiding his face in his hands.

“But Alec’s been in love with Magnus for… always.”

“Exactly!” Isabelle said, hitting the table with her palm, making the couple sitting at the table next to them glare.

“Alec, dude, why didn’t you tell me?” Jace asked. When Alec looked up, he felt guiltier than ever at the hurt look on Jace’s face.

“I… I didn’t know what to say,” Alec finally muttered, shaking his head slowly. “I didn’t — it wasn’t supposed to be like this.”

“But wait,” Jace shook his head, pushing his half-finished plate away which made it clear how serious he was taking this situation. “What’s the problem?”

Alec frowned, mirroring Isabelle’s look of ‘are you stupid?’

Jace ignored them, continuing, “You love Magnus and Magnus loves you. Who cares if it wasn’t supposed to be real. Why can’t it be?”

Alec opened and closed his mouth a few times while Isabelle turned her ‘are you stupid’ look to level it at Alec.

“Exactly,” she repeated.

“Magnus — I… It’s —” Alec shook his head. “It can’t be real because Magnus doesn’t love me.”

“You’re an idiot,” Jace and Isabelle said at the same time.

Alec glared, offended but, before he could say anything, he remembered the way he’d kissed Magnus this morning. The way Magnus had said yes when he asked, the way Magnus had kissed back. Every time Magnus kissed back. And New Year’s Eve and Hawaii. _“you don’t kiss something like that if you don’t care”_

“I’m an idiot,” Alec muttered. He’d thought, that morning, but then Magnus had disappeared. And he knew, fuck. He’d known for so long. Since Hawaii. That it could be real because, of course, Magnus was right; you _didn’t_ kiss someone the way they’d been kissing since Hawaii, you didn’t make love to someone the way they had, if you didn’t care.

But — _but_ Alec had been in love with Magnus since only weeks after they first meet and he was scared — no _terrified_ . He’d never thought Magnus could possibly love him back, even when it became glaringly obvious, why else would things have change when they got to New York, if it truly didn’t mean anything? Why else would Alec make up a fake boyfriend? Why else would it be so _easy_ to fall back into this act? But…but what happened next? If Magnus did love him — which fuck, Alec hoped he did and that he hadn’t fucked up everything already — and it didn’t work… Alec didn’t know if he could handle that.

Isabelle leaned forward, grabbing Alec’s hand. “I know you’re scared to lose him,” she said in a soft voice, eyes wide and concerned. “But if you don’t tell him, you will and it will be so much worse than if you never even try.”

Alec closed his eyes, breathing in deeply through his nose, trying to settle his racing heart.

“Now,” Isabelle grinned, standing suddenly. “Let’s get to drinking and having fun.”

Magnus didn’t come back to the room that night. After celebrating with Jace and Izzy, going snowboarding followed by going to the male strip show they were having in the adult lounge that night, and getting drunk in the bar while celebrating Isabelle’s new ball and chain — Alec and Jace both admittedly having to wipe away tears once or twice as they realized their baby sister really was getting married the day after tomorrow — Alec had returned to their room around two in the morning. He’d had enough to drink to have fun, refusing to spoil Isabelle’s night, but he was shockingly sober as he waited for Magnus.

There was a knock on the door a few minutes later. He opened it to Jace. “Can I crash here? Simon’s staying in my room.”

Alec nodded wordlessly, falling on the bed. He wanted to wait up for Magnus but was pretty sure Magnus wouldn’t be coming back that night.

He didn’t know when he finally fell asleep, waking up to an empty room. Alec groaned, rolling over in bed and burying his head in his pillow. It was the day of rehearsals and he’d promised Isabelle he’d talk to Magnus before the night was over. His chest felt tight, panic swirling in his gut. He was sure he was going to puke but somehow managed to shower and dress without incident.

Taking a deep breath to steel himself and steady his nerves, Alec left the room, intent on finding Magnus. It was time.

***

“Wake up, nerds!” Isabelle shouted through the door.

Groaning, Magnus rolled over only to fall off the couch.

“Magnus?” Simon mumbled sitting up from his place on the floor a few feet away. “Are you dead?”

“Yes,” Magnus groaned, rolling onto his back to rub his throbbing head.

“Magnus is dead!” Clary shouted when Isabelle pounded on the door again.

“That’s unacceptable,” Isabelle said, marching in as Clary opened the door. “Everyone has jobs. My wedding is tomorrow, nothing is in order. Let’s do this people.”

Flopping down on the floor, Magnus closed his eyes in pain as Isabelle threw open the curtains.

“Chop, chop people,” Isabelle shouted, marching back out of the room, likely to give Alec and Jace the same treatment.

Magnus laid on the floor for a few more minutes as Clary and Simon got ready around him.

“I’m shaking,” Simon said. “Why am I shaking? It’s not even the day of the wedding yet.”

“Calm down, Sherwin,” Magnus groaned.

“Oh god. Why is she even marrying me? I’m a mess. I’m a nerd, you heard her. Isabelle doesn’t deserve a nerd she deserves a — a — a Disney prince!”

Magnus laughed at the sound of Clary smacking Simon. “Dude, chill,” Clary demanded.

Magnus pulled himself to his feet to see Simon holding his cheek, staring blankly at Clary. “Besides, dear, Isabelle would walk all over a Disney prince. He wouldn’t last a day.”

Simon nodded, face abnormally pale. Clary turned him around, marching him to the bathroom. “Shower, so you don’t smell like death,” Clary demanded. “And no more freaking out until I’ve had coffee.”

“And donuts,” Magnus added.

Once Simon was safely in the bathroom, shower running. Clary turned to Magnus, resting her hands on her hips. “You should go find Alec.”

Magnus didn’t bother with arguing, she was right. “Wish me luck,” he asked. Clary moved in, hugging him tightly.

“Don’t worry, Magnus,” she whispered in his ear. “He loves you.”

***

Alec spent an hour or more, looking over every inch of the lodge. Isabelle let him out of wedding duties to find Magnus, threatening to cut him if he didn’t fix things, but it couldn’t do that if he couldn’t even find Magnus.

Stepping outside, Alec quickly crossed from the main lodge past the rec building, to the ballroom where the wedding would be taking place, thinking maybe Magnus was helping Maryse and Isabelle. The knot in his stomach had only gotten worse, his hands shook, stuffed in his pockets. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt this nervous, this scared. He’d never really thought he would tell Magnus how he felt. All those years… He’d imagined it plenty of times, imagined it ending with Magnus saying it back. Imagined it ruining everything. But he never really thought he would do it.

Isabelle was right though, he couldn’t keep living like this. And Magnus — Alec shook his head, he wouldn’t get his hopes up. They could be wrong, everyone could be wrong. He really, really hoped they weren’t wrong.

***

Magnus wandered around the lodge, halfheartedly looking for Alec. He didn’t know what he would even do when he found him. He imagined it going a million different ways. Saying nothing and just kissing him. Telling him how he felt. Telling him he was going to move out when they got back to New York. He couldn’t quite get himself to imagine saying it, telling Alec how he felt because he still couldn’t imagine Alec’s reaction. He so badly wanted Alec to feel the same but — but then why hadn’t Alec said anything the day before? Why had he just let Magnus walk away?

Magnus and given up, heading to the balloon room to help out with the prep for rehearsals, when he quite literally ran into Alec.

Magnus bumped into a strong chest, bouncing off only for Alec’s hands to reach out and catch him. Breath stuttering, Magnus looked into Alec’s eyes, passed his reddened nose, to the mildly panicked look on his face. They were close, Magnus realized, almost close enough to kiss.

He quickly pulled back, staring down at his boots.

“Magnus,” Alec all but whispered.

Magnus looked up slowly, heart aching. “Hey.”

***

Alec was never quite prepared to see Magnus, somehow. No matter what he was doing or wearing, whether he was smiling up at Alec or glaring or somewhere in between like now, Alec’s heart skipped, tripping over itself like it was constantly shocked at what it felt when confronted with Magnus.

God, Alec thought, he was so screwed. He was never not screwed. He was completely sure that there was no version of him, in a million alternate universes, that wouldn’t fall in love with Magnus. It didn’t matter where he was or what he did, Alec would always, always be in love with Magnus. Whether he felt the same way or this was the last time they ever saw each other. It wouldn’t change a thing. There would never be anyone else because there was no one else who was Magnus.

Alec swallowed thickly, this new feeling surging through his veins as he stepped close, unaware of the freezing cold, the snow still falling down, feet freezing in his boots, hair falling in his face. Unaware that they were standing in the middle of a snow storm, as Magnus looked up at him, eyes wide, emotions on display for once instead of hidden behind steely walls. Alec’s heart gave a painful tug.

“I’ve been looking for you,” Alec finally said, voice low and hoarse. He cleared his throat. Laughter erupted somewhere nearby but he had eyes only for Magnus who was searching Alec’s face for something.

“You have?” Magnus asked, sticking his hands in his pockets.

He looked cold, clearly not having planned on being outside for long, in a long black jacket that was far too thin for the mountain air, a scarf wrapped loosely around his neck.

“You’re freezing,” Alec noted, moving even closer.

Magnus backed up, shaking his head. “I’m fine.”

“Magnus—”

Magnus shook his head again. “No,” he said, then again. “No. I can’t do this.”

Alec frowned, ignoring his own sinking heart as he watched Magnus in confusion. “Do what?”

“I can’t stand here and have this conversation while you’re looking at me like that,” Magnus said, voice louder as he gestured up and down Alec.

“Like what?” Alec asked. His heart was racing, chest tight, he could barely stand still feeling the urge to pace; needing to blurt out what he'd come to say but unable to form a coherent sentence with Magnus looking at him like that, angry and hurt. This wasn’t going how he’d planned. He didn’t even know what was happening. “How am I looking at you?”

“Like you might actually have feelings for me,” Magnus snapped, moving back again when Alec took a step forward, heart stopping. “I can’t do this, Alec.”

Alec shook his head. “Magnus,” he started, needing to get out what he had to say before Magnus left. “Just let me —”

Magnus shook his head, backing up further. “I’m sorry, Alexander,” he said, making Alec’s heart feel like it’d gone through a blender, nothing left but a pile of mush because Alec loved it when Magnus used his full name but not like this. Not in the way that made it sound as if Magnus was about to tell him his dog had died.

“Magnus—”

“I love you, Alec. You’re my best friend but I can’t keep kissing you and pretend that it means nothing to either of us,” Magnus shook his head faster, glaring down at his hands. Alec couldn’t breathe, stuck on the first part of what Magnus had said. “I can’t pretend we’re just friends. God, this was so stupid. _I’m_ so stupid,” Magnus said, more to himself than Alec now. “I’m so, so stupid.”

Alec couldn’t get his brain to work, had stopped trying to move closer as Magnus backed up, still shaking his head. “I—” Alec started but Magnus was already talking again.

“I always do this,” Magnus said bitterly, glaring at the world around them.

“What?” Alec finally found his voice. “What are you talking about?”

Magnus looked up then, meeting Alec’s gaze again. Alec felt like the world had turned upside down, his brain moving sluggishly to make it all make sense again. He’d meant to tell Magnus — but now Magnus was looking at him with this heartbreaking smile and all Alec could do was shake his head, stepping closer but no matter how close he got Magnus was just out of his reach.

“I always end up breaking my own heart,” Magnus whispered, voice shaking with the cold.

Alec froze, hand raised to reach out for Magnus who was already turning and walking away.

_Do something_ , Alec thought, shaking himself out of his shock. “Magnus,” he called, unable to move. “Wait!”

If Magnus heard him, he ignored him, disappearing inside. What had just happened?

***

Magnus spent the rest of the day, carefully hiding his feelings. He wouldn’t ruin the wedding just because his heart was broken, it was nothing new really, anyway. It was fine. Magnus was fine. Everything was fine.

During the rehearsals, he managed to laugh and joke with the others, everyone messing up everything as Isabelle snapped orders. He managed not to look at Alec, who stood across from him most the night as Isabelle went over things again and again and again, until she was satisfied, everyone willingly going along with her, wanting her to have the best wedding.

“I’m excited,” Isabelle said, handing Magnus a flute of champagne as they retired to the dining room for rehearsal dinner. “That’s good, right?”

Magnus smiled encouragingly. “Of course,” he said, ignoring the stab of jealousy in his chest that he would never have this. He could feel Alec watching him from the table, just like he’d felt Alec watching him all day, but he didn't look back. Not once. “It’s also okay to be a little nervous,” Magnus added.

Isabelle let out a deep sigh, hand holding her flute of champagne shaking slightly. Magnus raised his hand to still hers. “Yeah?” Isabelle whispered.

Magnus nodded. “Of course. But, you and Simon? You have the real thing, you know that right?”

Isabelle glanced over her shoulder to where Simon was currently balancing a plate on his head. She rolled her eyes, huffing out a laugh. “Yeah. We do, don’t we?”

Magnus gave in and made the mistake of looking at Alec then; he was already looking back. Of course he was. Magnus’ heart skipped before it remembered it was in a state of complete despair and sank once more. “Yeah,” Magnus mumbled.

Isabelle turned back to him then, eyes quickly following where Magnus’ had a moment before to where Alec sat at the table, halfheartedly listening to Max. “Did you guys talk?”

Magnus swallowed a drink of his champagne. “There’s nothing to talk about.”

“That’s a lie and we both know it,” Isabelle said. Shaking her head, she asked, “Do you know what I want as a wedding gift?”

Frowning at the sudden change in topic, Magnus shook his head.

“The two of you to pull your heads out of your asses long enough to realize you can have this, true love, marriage, if you just stop being idiots.” With that, Isabelle turned and walked away, leaving Magnus frozen, mouth hanging open.

***

Alec breathed steadily, in and out. He barely heard what anyone said through dinner, listening only to the speeches when it was time to practice them. He made it all the way through his without staring at Magnus, the longest he’d gone all night without looking at him. Finally, as it grew late, the dining room was cleared, a few people were already dancing, having a good time before the hectic wedding the next day.

Alec took a moment to gather his courage before standing and rounding the table, holding his hand out to Magnus. “Dance with me?”

Magnus looked up, tilting his head to the side. He looked about to decline when Clary nudged his shoulder, nodding for him to say yes. Magnus sighed, standing slowly. He didn’t take Alec’s hand, walking to the small dance floor with Alec trailing behind.

Alec wiped his sweating palms on his slacks before stepping close to Magnus. Magnus looked anywhere but at Alec as he took Alec’s hand, leading him in the slow dance. Someone played piano off to the side, a slow, romantic song.

Something about this had always felt right, the two of them. Wherever they were, whatever they were doing. Dancing like this or sitting on opposite ends of the couch binge watching something on Netflix. Bitching about their coworkers or making fun of them while at a boring company event. Sitting quietly in the same room, each lost in their own book or staying up late talking about anything and everything. It’d always felt right. From the second they met. Right away, Alec knew Magnus was going to be his friend, be in his life, for as long as he could possibly keep him. And then, one day, he realized he was in love with him or maybe he knew the second he saw Magnus, either way. For years, he’d been perfectly content with that knowledge, not needing Magnus to love him back, no matter how much he wanted. Not needing anything more than to have Magnus in his life.

But now Magnus was finally looking back at him, eyes hidden behind walls made of steel, holding him at a careful distance that Alec wanted to disappear; and Alec thought, hoped, that maybe, just maybe, Magnus had meant what he’d said earlier; that maybe, just maybe, Magnus could, did, love him back.

“I’ve been trying to talk to you all day,” Alec started, his heart was racing, his hands just managing not to shake.

Magnus stared back over Alec’s shoulder, clearing his throat. “We did talk,” he said flatly.

Alec opened his mouth but Magnus shook his head.

“This was stupid,” Magnus muttered. “To think we could do this again…”

Alec bit back a sigh, letting Magnus talk. “Alec,” Magnus said again in that serious voice but now, instead of making Alec’s heart stop, it only irritated him. He was trying to confess his feelings here. “I’m moving out.”

Alec stopped dancing. Magnus dropped his hands to his sides, looking up to meet Alec’s gaze.

“You’re…” Alec shook his head, pinching the bridge of his nose. “What?”

Magnus stood up straight, shoulders back. “I’m moving out,” he repeated. “When we get back to New York.”

Alec closed his eyes, breathing shallowly.

“I just—”

Alec opened his eyes again, shaking his head as he took Magnus’ hand again, resuming their abandoned dance.

“Alec—” Magnus started.

“Would you let me talk for once?” Alec cut in, the words weren’t sharp, dulled by the small smile swiftly crossing his face.

Magnus frowned, narrowing his eyes.

“Don’t move out,” Alec said softly, he had to get it out before he lost his nerve and everything fell apart again. “Please. I know… I know everything is messed up, but don’t leave.”

“Alec—”

Alec shook his head again. “No. I know this was stupid, Hawaii was stupid and maybe it was all a mistake but — but that was the best week of my life and not because my brother got married.”

Magnus had fallen silent, eyes crinkling at the corners like he didn’t understand what Alec was saying.

Alec took a deep breath, staring in Magnus’ eyes, still just barely dancing. “It was the best week of my life, because I love you.”

***

“You…” Magnus trailed off, shaking his head. He had to have misheard. His heart was beating so loudly, it was understandable he hadn’t been able to hear Alec.

Alec smiled softly, this strange look on his face like something amazing had just happened, a look like Magnus got when he was looking at Chairman Meow but brighter.

“Magnus,” Alec said slowly, softly. “I love you.”

“You love me,” Magnus repeated, barely even a whisper. His heart had stopped and he couldn’t seem to find anything to say, standing still in the middle of the dance floor, staring at Alec as a wide grinned crossed his face, making even his eyes light up. He looked so beautiful, Magnus almost forgot what he’d said.

“Yes,” Alec confirmed with a nod.

“You, Alec Lightwood,” Magnus repeated because this didn’t seem like it could possibly be real. Could it be real? He wanted it to be real. “Love me, Magnus Bane?”

Alec chuckled, leaning in to rest his forehead against Magnus’. Magnus didn’t know when those careful inches he’d been keeping between their bodies disappeared. “Yes,” Alec whispered.

Magnus’ heart was skipping around his chest. He just realized he hadn’t said it back, a smile growing to match Alec’s on his face, filled with equal parts amazement and disbelief, when Isabelle’s voice broke through the quiet that had surrounded them.

“Alec! Code red!”

***

Alec couldn’t believe he’d actually done it, actually said it. He felt a hundred pounds lighter, for the first time in _months_ his heart wasn’t aching. Magnus hadn’t exactly said it back but he’d looked at Alec, wide eyed and shocked and it didn’t matter because Alec was an idiot before, and Magnus had said it earlier that day and dear god, Alec found himself gasping for breath suddenly even as he couldn’t stop grinning. _This was real_.

Alec reluctantly pulled away from Magnus, following Isabelle across the room, with a handful of backward glances. Magnus still stood in the middle of the dance floor, staring after Alec until Clary swooped in to dance with him.

Alec recognized the feeling flowing through his veins, it was the same feeling he’d had their last night in Hawaii, the same nervous excitement of knowing exactly where the night was going but so much more. This was real, he thought again and again. They had more to talk about and maybe Magnus didn’t even want to try but it hadn’t meant nothing and that meant Alec had a chance at everything.

Isabelle’s problem was the wedding cake. It was being made at the lodge and there was some kind of accident and it was ruined. Alec quickly went into fix it mode, they didn’t have time to remake the truly gigantic cake but they could make a few dozen cupcakes easily. Isabelle wasn’t thrilled at first but slowly came around to the idea when Alec pointed out that this way they could have multiple kinds of cake to please everyone. And Isabelle would get to shove one of them in Simon’s face.

“I think it’s supposed to go in his mouth, not in his face,” Isabelle laughed.

Alec shrugged. “Fine, I’ll shove a cupcake in his face then.”

After that, all Isabelle’s anxiety came out. Alec and Jace had been expecting it, it was the Isabelle Lightwood way. She’d been so focused on planning the perfect wedding the last few months she’d barely stopped to think, let alone have a proper freak out. Alec and Jace assured her that it was totally normal, and no the millions of things she was suddenly worried would go wrong would not happen.

“And if you change your mind at the last minute, we’re happy to be runaway brides with you,” Jace added once they’d sat her down in the common room with a cup of hot chocolate.

Isabelle snorted, shaking her head. Breathing in raggedly, she stared down at her hot chocolate, talking softly. “You know, I never really wanted a big wedding. I didn’t really think I’d ever get married.”

Alec sat down next to Isabelle, listening to her quietly.

“I couldn’t imagine myself tied down like,” she continued. “Or that there would ever be someone I would want to be with that long, you know? Forever… it’s an awfully long time.”

Jace sat on the stool before them, nodding slowly. “It is.”

Isabelle looked up, smiling softly. “And then I met Simon and he was the exact opposite of my type.” They all laughed at that. “But it just…clicked, you know? I know it doesn’t make sense, the two of us. But… I can actually imagine it, spending…forever with him.”

Jace and Alec shared a look, moving in at the same time to hug Isabelle, making her laugh again.

“We’re happy for you, Iz,” Jace said.

“I won’t shove a cupcake in his face tomorrow,” Alec added.

Chuckling, Isabelle pulled back, sitting up straight. She let out another deep breath before nodding firmly. “I’m good, freak out over.”

Alec was distracted suddenly as the others wandered in. “There’s my queen,” Simon called, tripping on his way across the room.

“Did you guys let him drink more? We cut him off an hour ago,” Jace said, standing just in time to stop Simon from falling and hitting his head on a coffee table.

“No one told us that,” Clary shrugged. “It’s his last night of freedom.”

“Hey!” Izzy called, glaring. “It’s my last night of freedom too.”

“Sorry, Iz,” Clary winced. “Wanna go get drunk?”

“Obviously,” Isabelle smirked, standing and looping her arm through Clary’s.

“So I’ll get the groom to bed then?” Jace called, left holding Simon in the middle of the room as the girls headed back towards the bar.

Alec barely heard what was going on around him, eyes on Magnus the moment he stepped in the room. He hovered near the fireplace, openly staring back at Alec. Alec’s heart raced in the best way, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. Part of him couldn’t believe this was happening, part of him was terrified it wasn’t, and the rest was just waiting, hoping.

“Don’t mind me, I’m not here. I don’t matter,” Jace grumbled on his way out, talking mostly to himself. “Just keep eye fucking, that’s fine. I’ll take care of the groom. Save the wedding.”

“Goodnight, Jace,” Alec called.

Magnus moved forward slowly as Alec stood. He inclined his head towards the elevator, raising an eyebrow in question. Alec nodded, his voice didn’t seem to be working currently, he wasn’t sure where this was leading, what to say. He was content to just see it through though, ignoring the voice in the back of his head, telling him to run away, that his heart was about to be shattered. Somewhere in the last twenty-four hours he’d realized something he always should’ve known; he trusted Magnus with his heart.

The ride up the elevator was silent, they stood next to each other without saying a word. As the doors slid shut, Magnus reached out, entangling his hand with Alec’s. A giddy feeling was building in Alec’s chest, overpowering everything else. He bit his lip on a smile, small electric shocks tingling up his arm.

Alec looked over as the elevator slowly continued its journey up. Magnus was staring forward, lips twitching like he was holding back a smile. The last months of heartbreak were completely forgotten as Magnus looked over at him, raising a silent eyebrow like daring Alec to break, be the first to grin like he wanted too. Keeping his expression blank though he knew his eyes must be giving him away, Alec stared forward again, just as the elevator stopped.

Magnus dropped his hand, the first out of the elevator. Alec allowed himself to smile then, shaking his head as he followed Magnus down the hall to their room. Magnus paused in front of the door, back to Alec, breathing in deeply before opening it. Turning to Alec before stepping in, Magnus was all piercing eyes and confidence as he held his hand out, tugging Alec inside when he took it.

Once inside with the door closed, they just stared at each other for a minute. Alec didn’t know what to say or do but he wasn’t really in a rush, perfectly fine just standing there, soaking in this moment.

Magnus was in a pair of tight black jeans and one of Alec’s sweaters again, constantly cold up in the mountains and all his more fashionable clothes not nearly warm enough for him, even inside. Hair spiked up as always, with a streak of red, glitter dusted across his cheekbones. Alec’s heart skipped around with longing. To lean forward, capture Magnus’ lips. To hold Magnus. Sleep next to him. Anything. Everything.

Magnus stared back, smiling softly, eyes wide as his shoulders swayed slightly back and forth.

“So…” Magnus finally said, the quiet word shattering the silence around them.

Alec licked his lips, suddenly noticing how dry his mouth had gotten. “So,” he repeated with a soft smile.

Magnus rolled his eyes, letting out a laugh that made Alec’s heart flip in his chest. “We’re idiots.”

Alec nodded. “Seems that way.”

Magnus shook his head slowly, eyes locked on Alec’s. Alec was opening his mouth to say something else but then Magnus was there, the space between them gone. Magnus’ hand behind his head, tugging him down and their lips meeting in a crash that had Alec’s heart lifting because he would never in a million years get tired of this.

***

Magnus grinned into the kiss, his free hand was shaking so he used it to grip Alec’s shirt, tugging him even closer. Alec’s hands rested on Magnus’ hips, thumbs rubbing circles across Magnus’ skin, under his shirt, making him shiver against Alec. The kiss only lasted a minute, as they were both smiling too much for it to work well.

“Do you mind,” Magnus berated, shaking his head. “I’m trying to kiss you here.”

Alec laughed and _god_ Magnus loved that sound. Still smiling, Magnus tugged Alec’s mouth back to his, slipped his hands down before wrapping his arms around Alec, every inch of their bodies now touching.

Slowly, the smiles faded, Alec tilting Magnus’ head back to deepen the kiss. Magnus’ eyes were closed, the only sound that of his own racing heart and their mouths moving together. He was overwhelmed by Alec, the smell of his aftershave, the feel of his body pressed close to Magnus’ even through their clothes, Alec’s tongue tangling with his. Magnus had never felt so much in a kiss before, it was intoxicating. Alec was intoxicating, Magnus would never have enough.

Pulling back suddenly, Magnus chuckled at Alec’s low whimper, trying to follow Magnus’ retreating lips.

“What are you doing?” Alec asked, slowly opening his eyes. His face was nicely flushed, eyes blown wide.

“I forgot something,” Magnus said, voice just loud enough for Alec to hear, only pulling back enough to look into Alec’s eyes. His arms still wrapped tight around Alec who frowned.

“What?”

Magnus bit his lip, trying to hold his serious look instead of grinning like a lovesick idiot. Though that was an accurate description of him at the moment, eyes shining up at Alec, heart skipping around happily.

“I didn’t say it."

“Didn’t say — oh,” Alec froze. His expression went blank for a moment, tugging at Magnus’ heart. Did he still think Magnus might not mean it? Might not want it.

“I figure I probably should,” Magnus said, unable to hold back a small smile.

Alec’s eyes went wide, he glanced down, staring at Magnus’ hand that was now resting over his heart. He swallowed audibly, meeting Magnus’ eyes again slowly. “Yeah?” he asked. “I mean…if you want. You don’t have too. If you don’t — if you’re not there yet — I —”

“Alexander?” Magnus interrupted. “Shut up.”

Alec snorted but complied, face turning redder.

Magnus shook his head. “You’re ridiculous, you know that?” Magnus said, sliding his hands up to wrap his arms around Alec’s neck. “And you snore and, honestly, you drive me crazy sometimes — and really, Pete, Alexander? Pete?”

Alec closed his eyes, shaking his head.

“But,” Magnus continued, leaning forward to just let his lips lightly brush Alec’s. “I…” Magnus took a deep breath, half convinced this was all a dream but if it was he never, ever wanted to wake up. Looking back up into Alec’s beautiful hazel eyes, Magnus swallowed thickly. “I love you, Alexander.”

***

Alec and meant to say something, he didn’t know what, but something. Meant to talk more about what this meant, his heart stopping before taking off in a ragged race as Magnus’ words echoed around the room. Magnus loved him. He loved Magnus. This was real. Heart ready to burst with all the pent-up emotions he’d been suppressing for years, not quite believing this was really real, Alec meant to say something but instead, he leaned in, making the last of the distance between them disappear as their lips crashed together.

Magnus’ lips moved quickly against Alec’s own, his body on fire as Magnus slipped his tongue into Alec’s mouth. Walking forward suddenly, Magnus pushed Alec up against the door, following closely. Hot lips slowly trailing across Alec’s jaw, down his neck, hands running up and down Alec’s sides before slipping under his shirt.

Alec shivered, eyes closed, head pressed back into the door. “I can’t believe this is happening,” he whispered, breathless as Magnus continued kissing his neck, biting down lightly here and there.

“It’s not like it hasn’t happened before,” Magnus teased.

Alec snorted, moving to grip Magnus’ hips, he swiftly turning them, switching their positions. Pressing Magnus back against the door, Alec kissed him deeply, breaking away only to laugh as Magnus slapped his ass.

“That was not sexy at all,” Alec chuckled.

Magnus shrugged, grinning.

Tilting Magnus’ head with a finger under his chin, Alec stared into his eyes, stomach fluttering with a million butterflies. “And that’s not what I meant,” he whispered, brushing their lips together in the lightest kiss before pulling back to see Magnus’ eyes again. “I can’t believe this is real.”

Magnus’ Adam’s apple bobbed as he smiled. “But it is.”

Alec grinned. They moved at the same time, the kiss messy and rushed, broken up by the occasional laugh as they stumbled backwards, towards the bed. Alec cursed, only just managed to not bite Magnus’ tongue be he ran into a chair, stubbing his toe. It was forgotten when Magnus tugged him closer by the hips, swiftly unbuttoning his shirt. They stumbled around, Alec nearly tripping as he struggled to keep their lips locked, kicking off his shoes. Hands roaming, tugging bodies closer. They passed the bed, caught up in each other until Magnus’ back was against another wall.

“I think we missed our destination,” Magnus laughed breathless as Alec bit along his neck. Pulling back just long enough to tug Magnus’ sweater up. Magnus helped get it off, throwing it behind Alec somewhere before finishing with Alec’s shirt. Bending down slowly, Alec kissed across Magnus’ collarbone, hands on his hips to hold him close as Magnus’ hands roamed up and down Alec’s back. Magnus’ breathing was uneven, a small moan escaping when Alec bit down lightly.

“Fuck,” Magnus hissed. A moment later, he pushed Alec back, walking forward to force Alec back until his knees hit the bed. Lightly shoving him, making him fall back on the bed. Alec laughed as Magnus landed on top of him, swiftly bringing their lips back together.

They’d done this before, of course, but somehow this felt like the first time. Carefully exploring each other’s bodies, laughing between kissing, Alec’s heart felt like it was going to burst. Before, no matter how much he tried not to, there was always a part of him holding back, a part of him that was so disappointed that it meant nothing. But now, Magnus pressed him into the bed, trailing his lips across Alec’s skin, burning him from the inside out, whispering those three words over and over again. “I love you.”

***

Magnus woke up slowly the next morning, breathing in deeply, feeling content without even realizing why, drifting on the edges of a dream until he felt a soft, closed mouth kiss pressed to his bare shoulder. Keeping his eyes closed, Magnus smiled softly, heart achingly full as he rolled over. He kept his eyes closed, heart skipping with every feather light kiss pressed to his cheek, forehead, jaw, nose. His smile widening with each one.

They’d never gotten this before, the soft, peaceful morning after. Magnus decided then and there that it was his favorite thing, one of Alec’s hands resting on Magnus’ hip, under the blanket, the other brushing the hair out of Magnus’ face.

Magnus tilted his head up with his eyes closed, inviting Alec to kiss him. Alec lingered above him a moment, dragging it out before slowly bringing their lips together. There was nothing rushed about the kiss, lips sliding together slowly, languidly.

Magnus finally opened his eyes when Alec pulled back, resting their foreheads together.

“Good morning,” Alec whispered, voice deeper than usual from sleep.

Magnus blinked his eyes open, taking in Alec’s messier than ever hair and the soft smile on his face that made Magnus’ heart ache in the best way. “Morning,” Magnus murmured, fingers dancing across Alec’s bare chest.

“So…” Alec whispered.

Magnus flicked his gaze back to Alec’s, flattening his palm over Alec’s heart. “So…”

Alec rolled his eyes, grabbing Magnus’ hand and bringing it to his lips to kiss his palm. “I love you.”

Magnus grinned like an idiot, he would never get tired of hearing those words. “So I’ve heard,” he teased.

Alec snorted. Turning onto his back, he tugged Magnus closer. Magnus didn’t complain, cuddling close to Alec’s side, sighing as Alec ran a hand through his hair, free hand held tight in Magnus’.

“I kind of love you too,” Magnus whispered, pressing a kiss to Alec’s side.

“Glad to hear that,” Alec snorted.

Magnus bit his lip on a laugh. He couldn’t remember a time before when he felt like this, high on happiness. This was real, he thought again and again and again. The last months erasing themselves because none of it mattered suddenly. They were in love. It was real. Magnus hid his smile against Alec’s chest.

“This is nice,” Magnus said a while later. They’d barely moved, talking softly about nothing at all, just enjoying laying close together.

Alec hummed, still running his fingers through Magnus’ hair, nearly coxing him to sleep again.

“Hey Magnus?” Alec asked a few minutes later, something in his voice alerting Magnus to the fact that whatever he was about to say was important. “I’m sorry.”

Magnus looked up, propping his head on his hand to see Alec who looked back at him with wide, searching eyes. “For what?” Magnus asked, running his fingers up and down Alec’s chest.

Alec shook his head, closing his eyes for a minute. “Everything?”

Magnus took in the man next to him, studying every inch of him, the sincerity in his voice echoed in his eyes. “There’s nothing to be sorry for.”

“I should’ve told you—”

Magnus shook his head, leaning close to Alec, kissing his cheek before talking. “We were both stupid,” he said. “And I don’t care about all that crap, not anymore. Because…it got us here, right?”

Alec bit his lip, nodding slowly.

“Here,” Magnus continued, pressing another kiss to Alec’s cheek. “Where it’s real, and we’re happy, right?”

Alec nodded again and Magnus kissed his other cheek. “Where we’re…” Magnus hovered over Alec’s mouth, their lips brushing as he talked. “In love.”

Rather than nod again, Alec leaned up, their lips brushing in another soft kiss that was rudely interrupted not a moment later by a loud banging on the door.

“Hello!” Isabelle shouted. “I’m getting married today!”

Magnus broke away, laughing against Alec’s chest. He’d completely forgotten why they were there and just what was happening that day.

“And we’re very happy for you, Izzy!” Alec shouted back, chest rumbling under Magnus.

“I can tell,” Isabelle laughed, pounding on the door again for good measure. “I’m happy you idiots figured things out but you better be done sexing each other within the hour. You’re supposed to be with the wedding party, making sure Simon and I are ready. I want you showered and dressed and not reeking of sex!”

Magnus snorted, shaking his head.

“Whatever you say, Isabelle,” Alec called back.

Magnus was just leaning up to kiss him again when Isabelle shouted one last thing. “And I want a really good wedding gift damn it! You would be lost without me.”

Alec threw his head back against the pillows, groaning. Magnus smiled, pressing a kiss to Alec’s collarbone. “We should probably get ready.”

Alec opened his eyes, curling his arms around Magnus to bring him closer. “Probably,” he agreed, bringing their lips back together in a deep, heated kiss.

***

The groom’s party spent the morning in the arcade. Simon was too nervous to eat, fidgeting more than usual. The wedding wasn’t until six, giving them more than enough time to get ready, Maryse handling all the last-minute prep to make sure Isabelle had the best wedding possible. Clary and Magnus had decided months before that the best thing to do for Simon was to keep him distracted all day, hence the arcade.

Of course, the second they’d seen Magnus, their eyes had gotten this terrifying matching gleam, smirks curving up their faces.

“Not a word,” Magnus had warned. It had not worked. They hadn’t stopped teasing him all day. Asking questions, bugging him for details. Around three they moved to the groom’s dressing room in the wedding hall where they would all be getting ready. Magnus ordering room service when Simon announced he was suddenly starving.

Staring in the floor length mirror, Simon grinned. “Can you believe it?” he asked, voice tinged with awe. “I mean, I kind of thought she’d back out by now, you know? Even when I asked her to marry me, part of me thought… no way. I mean, I actually thought it was a joke when she asked me out, did you know? Isabelle Lightwood, going out with me? Marrying me?” Simon shook his head.

Clary came up beside him, putting an arm around his shoulder. “You deserve this, Si. She loves you.”

“I know,” Simon said, still shaking his head. “I just… Sometimes I still can’t believe it.”

Magnus bit his lip, thinking he felt the same way. He couldn’t quite believe the day before had been real, that that morning had actually happened. Clary cleared her throat and Magnus quickly wiped the lovesick look off his face. Standing suddenly, he clapped his hands.

“We should get started,” he said, gesturing to Simon. “She will not marry him if he shows up to the wedding looking like _that._ ”

Clary smirked at him but let it go. As they were waiting for Simon to shower, she bumped their shoulders together. “I’m glad you’re happy.”

Magnus bit his lip on a smile, staring down at his hands.

“And I told you so.”

Magnus snorted, pushing her off the bed with a laugh. The whole day had dragged on, Magnus’ mind constantly turning to Alec, to where he was, what he was doing, was he thinking about that morning the way Magnus was? The giddy sensation emitting from somewhere near his gut didn’t lessen all day as he kept remembering again and again that this was real. Finally.

***

“Iz…” Alec started, shaking his head slowly.

Jace wolf whistled. Maryse turned away, wiping at her eyes.

“I know,” Isabelle grinned, glowing from the inside out. “I look beautiful.”

Alec nodded, feeling his chest tighten slightly. He was happy for Isabelle but a little sad at the same time. They were all growing up — grown up. He could remember beating up boys in middle school for her — not that she needed him to do that — and now here she was, in a puffy, white wedding dress, dark hair falling in perfect curls around her shoulders, eyes shining with excitement.

Alec was slightly embarrassed to feel tears prickling his eyes but only laughed when he saw Jace wiping at his own cheeks.

“You guys are saps,” Isabelle snorted, shaking her head at her brothers.

“Seriously guys,” Max said, shaking his head and straightening his tux jacket.

“Almost time now,” Alec said, glancing at the clock on the wall.

Isabelle took a deep breath, turning to look at her reflection again. She rearranged the way her hair fell before nodding firmly at her reflection. Smiling softly when Maryse stepped up behind her to settle the veil on her head. If one good thing had come out of their parents’ divorce, besides their mother being free of their cheating father, it was that Isabelle and Maryse had finally learned how to communicate, growing much closer than they’d ever been.

Hearing voices from outside suddenly, Alec’s mind turned from Isabelle, hearing Magnus laughing in the hall. They must be heading to the wedding hall already.

Isabelle glanced over her shoulder, catching Alec’s eye. “Five minutes,” she said firmly, nodding towards the door.

Alec grinned, squeezing her arm before slipping out of the room, leaving everyone snickering behind him. He looked up just in time to see Clary and Simon turning the corner to head in, Magnus a foot behind them, laughing at something.

Alec hurried down the hall. Magnus must’ve heard him because he glanced over his shoulder, a grin spreading across his face as his eyes landed on Alec. Magnus turned back, waving Clary and Simon away, before turning to meet Alec halfway. Their lips met, Alec turning to press Magnus up against the nearest wall, hands moving to cup Magnus’ face, kissing him thoroughly. It felt like they hadn’t seen each other in days, not mere hours. If Alec and thought things were good in Hawaii, when they were just having fun, things were a million times better now. Because after six years, he finally had everything he wanted right in front of him, laughing against his lips between kisses.

Alec broke away after a minute, knowing he didn’t have much time. He stepped back slightly, eyes traveling up and down Magnus, taking in his perfectly fitted tux. All black with a shiny red shirt underneath. The groomsmen were in black with bowties, Isabelle’s bride’s maids – men? –  in dark gray tuxedos, red vests and regular ties, Alec’s was currently dangling in his hand as he’d gotten distracted when about to put it on. Magnus looked unfairly good all the time but the dark tux, perfectly molded to his body, hair spiked up, eyes shining beneath his smoky makeup — Alec leaned in, kissing him again, open mouthed and messy.

Magnus’ hands slipped down to rest on Alec’s hips, tugging him closer, tilting his head to deepen the kiss.

“Two minutes!” Jace called, poking his head out of the door a few feet away. Alec flipped him off, continuing to kiss Magnus. “Get a room!” Jace shouted, closing the door.

Magnus turned them suddenly, lingering against Alec’s mouth a moment longer, pressing small kisses to his lips before pulling away. Grabbing Alec’s tie from his hand, he leaned up, wrapping it around Alec’s neck to tie it for him. Working quickly, Magnus tied the perfect knot, smoothing out Alec’s collar before running his hand down to make sure the tie sat right.

“Perfect,” Magnus whispered, eyes shining as he leaned in to kiss Alec’s cheek before turning away. Without another word, he disappeared around the corner. Alec took a moment to steady himself, force the embarrassingly wide smile from his face.

Slipping back into the room he looked to Isabelle, holding his arm out to her. “Ready?”

***

Magnus had to force his eyes to stay on Isabelle as she walked down the aisle, laughing quietly with Alec on her arm to give her away. She looked truly breathtaking in her wedding dress, eyes shining behind her veil as she locked eyes with Simon who suddenly stopped fidgeting, back going straight, mouth hanging open. Leaning forward slightly, Magnus nudged Simon and he finally closed his mouth.

Despite his best efforts, Magnus’ gaze slid to Alec in his gray tux, smiling proudly at Isabelle, leaning in to whisper something in her ear that made her laugh again. It was a small, intimate wedding, perfectly fitting seeing as how Isabelle and Simon stared at each other like no one else was even there.

Once they got to the altar, Isabelle taking her place before Simon, Alec stepped to the side to stand with his brothers, taking his place as a bride’s maid.

The ceremony was beautiful, what Magnus heard of it that is. He tried to pay attention, he really did. And he’d do good for a minute, until he’d feel Alec’s gaze on him across the way and he’d look over, smiling softly and rolling his eyes at the completely smitten look on Alec’s face like he wasn’t even trying to hide that he was staring at Magnus.

Isabelle and Simon had written their own vows, not a dry eye in the room as Isabelle delivered hers with a wide smile, Simon stuttering his way adorably through his own. Magnus’ heart skipped when he met Alec’s gaze while Simon and Izzy kissed. Alec’s eyes were sparkling in the bright room, a determined look on his face as he nodded at Isabelle and Simon, raising his eyebrows slowly. Magnus wasn’t entirely sure what he was getting at but his heart skipped at the implications. He cut off his thoughts as they followed the train of thought that maybe, just maybe, this would be them one day. It was far too early to be thinking of that. Even if Magnus was already sure he’d never want anyone else.

Pictures of the wedding party were taken in a sun room in various combinations, and then briefly moved outside, everyone bundled in their big jackets to take pictures in the snow. Magnus and Alec sharing looks throughout, small touches as they brushed by each other, making Magnus’ heart race faster and faster.

By the time they got to the reception, Magnus was freezing but barely noticed as Alec stepped close, rubbing his arms to warm him. Looking up at Alec, there was one thing Magnus was sure of, he was screwed. So hopelessly gone for him. It didn’t scare him anymore though, leaning in to kiss him lightly before moving to find their seats. It wasn’t scary at all.

***

Alec had never been big on dancing, until he met Magnus and Magnus started dragging him to clubs and insisting he dance with him and Alec quickly learned how amazing it could be, dancing close with someone, especially when that someone was Magnus.

After taking turns dancing with Isabelle and his mom, Alec finally pulled Magnus close, moving slowly to a romantic song. Alec had barely been able to keep his eyes off Magnus, listening to the wedding but only looking at the bride and groom off and on. His heart had skipped, jolted into a run as he saw Magnus standing at the altar with Clary and Simon. And Alec had become painfully aware of something he’d never really let himself think about. He knew it was too soon to think about it, they had to give this time, learn how it worked, if it worked – though, judging by last night and that morning, it definitely worked, but still — he wanted that. Eventually. He’d always wanted that. It wasn’t really the act of getting married, he didn’t really care if it was official or not, just the idea, that they would be together forever…

Alec swallowed, focusing back on the moment, on Magnus in his arms, smiling at him as he recounted the story of Simon’s fall in the shower.

“Isabelle would’ve killed you if he got hurt,” Alec muttered, pulling Magnus closer.

“Clary and I were already planning on running away, hiding in the mountains.”

“Without me?”

Magnus shook his head. “Of course not, I was going to kidnap you first.”

“Is it really kidnapping if I come willingly?”

Magnus threw his head back, laughing. They stayed on the dance floor until it was time to eat and do speeches. After Alec made everyone — including himself a little — cry with his speech, thoroughly pissing off Jace who hadn’t made a single person cry — Alec caught Magnus’ hand, tugging him to a balcony door. He handed Magnus his coat, having retrieved it from the dressing room.

“Come with me?”

Magnus smiled, not even complaining about the snow. “Of course.”

***

Leaning against the railing out on the balcony, they looked out over the ice rink below, lit with fairy lights all around. The mountains in the far distance were covered in sheets of white, the moon and stars illuminating them perfectly. Magnus held one of Alec’s hands between both of his, leaning into Alec’s warmth, breathing in the crisp mountain air even as it quickly froze the blood in his veins.

Enjoying just standing there with Alec, Magnus smiled down at their hands, thinking. Two days before, he’d been heartbroken and angry, planning on moving out. And now… Thank god for Hawaii, Magnus thought with a grin.

“What are you thinking about?” Alec asked quietly. Behind them, they could hear the music playing softly, the guests laughing and dancing about but, out here, it was just the two of them and the mountains and the moonlight.

Magnus turned to look at Alec, smiling at his reddened nose. “When did you know,” he asked quietly.

“Know?” Alec frowned.

“That you…”

Alec’s eyes widened, Magnus meaning clicking in his head. “When did I fall in love with you?” he said, bluntly.

Magnus nodded, stepping closer, for warmth and because he could and he liked how it felt, being close to Alec who turned to face him, tugging him closer. Magnus slipped his hands into Alec’s coat to warm himself, Alec shivered but didn’t complain.

He was staring down at Magnus, thinking. Magnus frowned, he’d thought it was an easy question, assuming it’d happened in Hawaii. Alec looked down, rubbing his hands up and down Magnus’ arms as he shivered.

“Back in college.”

Magnus froze. “What?”

Alec nodded, looking lost in memory for a moment. “I was going to say the day we met but it was just a crush then,” Alec continued. “And then, it just kept growing, the crush. And I thought it would go away but then one day, you were studying for exams, we were in the library late and you were falling asleep. You didn’t have any makeup on, eyes bloodshot, dark circles under them, wearing one of my hoodies and I just… stopped breathing for a minute,” Alec whispered, eyes shining in the dark night. “And I just… knew. That I was in love with you and I wouldn’t feel that strongly about anyone else. I can't really remember a time before I knew though, it could've been a million other moments.”

Magnus couldn’t breathe. Alec had loved him since the beginning… He could’ve had this for _years._ “Why didn’t you ever say anything?”

Alec shrugged, glancing away for a minute. “You’re my best friend, Magnus. And I — I couldn’t risk losing you if you didn’t feel the same.”

Magnus’ heart ached, panging in his chest. “I…didn’t know.”

“I know,” Alec said, rubbing his thumb lightly over Magnus’ cheek. “I never said anything. I tried so hard to hide it and then—”

“Hawaii,” Magnus interrupted.

Alec nodded. “Hawaii.”

“I—” Magnus shook his head, closing his eyes while he talked. “In Hawaii, after we kissed, and the teasing and the flirting, there was this moment where I just suddenly realized.”

“What?” Alec asked, hand now cupping Magnus’ face.

Magnus opened his eyes, leaning into Alec’s touch. “That you’re everything I’ve ever wanted. And I don't know how I didn't realize before or when exactly it happened but... But I know I love you and Hawaii, it was the best week of my life too.”

Alec’s breath hitched. Magnus leaned in without another word, cold forgotten as they melted against each other, lips brushing softly, faces freezing, noses bumping.

“I can’t feel my face,” Alec laughed between kisses.

“I can’t feel your face either.”

They broke apart, laughing too much to continue to kiss.

“So,” Alec muttered.

“So.”

Magnus bit his lip, waiting for Alec to gather his thoughts, arms now wrapped securely around Alec under his jacket.

“What happens when we get back to New York?” Alec finally asked, hand slipping from Magnus’ face to his neck.

Magnus took a deep breath, he knew what he wanted and he hoped Alec wanted the same but he had to be sure. “What do you want to happen?”

Alec didn’t hesitate, he kissed Magnus lightly, whispering against his lips. “I want us to go out on dates, to sleep in the same room. To be together, for real.”

Magnus’ breath hitched, heart stopping for a minute.

Alec looked deep into his eyes, heart on his sleeve. “What do you want?”

Magnus considered him a moment, licking his lips as snow fell down around them. It was perhaps the easiest question Magnus had ever been asked. Slipping his arms up, around Alec’s neck, Magnus’ voice was barely a whisper released on an exhale. “You.”

When they kissed this time, numb faces forgotten, Magnus instantly warmed up, fire in his belly, electricity on his skin. Aware only of Alec pressing close to him and the way his heartbeat slowed down, no need to race anymore because this wasn’t going to end, it wouldn’t be taken away from him in the next moment. It was, Magnus hoped, forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooo. Thoughts? Did you like it? Was it worth the wait? Any favorite scenes/lines? Did you laugh, cry? Swoon? Yell at me on [Tumblr @imawriteriwrite](http://imawriteriwrite.tumblr.com/)! Comments, kudos, messages are LIFE and I see and love and appreciate them all, thank you for reading!
> 
> Lastly, the fluffiest thing I've ever written is a small epilogue to this which will be up in a day or two if you're interested! ;)
> 
> <3<3<3<3


	3. Fall Weddings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fluffy epilogue guaranteed to give cavities.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who's read this fic, especially if you had to wait over a month for me to post chapter 2! Thank you for all the support and lovely comments, I really appreciate them, seriously, you're the best. Please enjoy this fluffy epilogue, it's for everyone whose hearts I shattered with the end of chapter 1 and everything but the end of chapter 2 <3<3<3
> 
> Highly suggest listening to [ this song, Dance With Me by Mandi Mapes,](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hUkX_bHMZAk) while reading as it's what I listened to while writing this chapter. ;)

It was a peaceful night in early autumn, the moon shining, the leaves turned to bright shades of orange and red, a soft breeze blowing through the streets down below. The sounds of traffic and the busy city were far away from so high up.

“Alec, I swear to god, if you do this before me, I will never forgive you,” Magnus glared, arms folded, feet set.

Alec laughed, shaking his head. He couldn’t even be mad at Magnus for ruining his plans, not when Magnus was looking at him like that. The last eight months had been the greatest of Alec’s life, it’d been hard at times, all relationships were, but mostly it’d been so easy. Getting back from the mountains, falling into their relationship head first, not concerned at all with the fall. Nothing really changed, everything just got better. Within a month, they’d cleared out Alec’s room, turning it into an office and sharing the bigger room. They still spent all their time together, staying up late watching tv or working on their separate projects next to each other on the couch. They still preferred being together to being with anyone else, often begging out of plans to spend the night cuddled up, watching movies. Magnus was still his best friend, Alec just got to kiss him now. To tell him how much he loved him. To hold him close. They fought, of course, over stupid things and big things, but they always worked it out in the end; they always found their way back to each other.

For months now, Alec had been wanting to do this. He kept holding off, he loved where they were and wanted to just enjoy it, he didn’t want to rush and risk ruining it. But then he’d passed a jewelry store last week and somehow found himself inside and there it was; the perfect ring, and everything had kind of just fallen into place.

They’d stayed in, cooking together, nothing overly unusual. While Magnus loved big, romantic displays of affection, Alec couldn’t think of a better way to propose than on just some seemingly random Monday. He wanted it to be a surprise.

It had been a surprise. After dinner, Alec had poured them each a glass of wine and they’d retreated to the balcony, looking out over the city, Magnus’ head resting on Alec’s shoulder. If he’d had any doubts or reservations they were gone in that moment. If there was one thing Alec had never been more sure of, it was that he wanted to be with Magnus, forever. He wanted to grow old with him, be with him through all the ups and downs, maybe even start a family with him.

There’d been a brief moment of panic even though this wasn’t the first time he’d thought about all that but suddenly he could so clearly see it all happening. He’d spent so long not letting himself even imagine he could have Magnus, let alone that they could be together forever, but now, he did have Magnus. They were in love and he wanted to take the next step. He didn’t want to wait any longer. Maybe it was too fast, or maybe it was over six years in the making.

Turning to Magnus suddenly, Alec had breathed in deeply, committing the moment to memory as Magnus turned to face him, mouth turned up in a crooked smile, eyebrow raised in question. “You okay?” Magnus asked. “You look—”

“I’m fine,” Alec blurted, then shook his head, breathing deeply again. “I’m perfect,” he said, softer now. “How could I not be, standing here, with you?”

Magnus snorted, rolling his eyes. “You’re a sap.”

Setting his glass of wine aside, Alec took a deep, steadying breath before turning back to Magnus, all the words he’d had planned suddenly nowhere to be found in his mind. Magnus was so beautiful, the moonlight playing along the glitter around his eyes and through his hair. Staring at Alec like he was crazy, fingers wrapped gently around his wine glass. Alec’s eyes lingered on the rings on Magnus’ fingers, noting the shiny blue polish on his nails, imagining what the ring in his pocket would look like on Magnus’ hand.

“Alexander?”

Taking a deep breath, Alec stuck his hand in his pocket, bringing out the small jewelry box. He was staring right at Magnus, saw his eyes drop to Alec’s hand, growing wide, breath hitching. Alec couldn’t breathe, everything he’d practiced on Chairman Meow long forgotten at the look on Magnus’ face.

Magnus’ eyes lit and he grinned, “Alexander…” Magnus shook his head. Then he looked up, the smile suddenly disappearing.

“Nope. No, absolutely not. You don’t get to do this,” Magnus said, shaking his head. Alec froze, confused, heart sinking briefly. “No. I get to do this. I have it all planned. I’m taking you to Hawaii for Christmas and I am proposing. No. This isn’t happening.”

A smile slowly spread across Alec’s face, eyes lighting up, heart skipping. Magnus had a proposal planned, three months in advance. He shook his head slowly; his boyfriend was crazy. “Christmas?” Alec teased. “Really? That’s so far away.”

Magnus waved his hand, turning his back on Alec, downing the rest of his wine before talking. “Well, yes, but it’s as soon as we can get away and it seemed fitting to do this in Hawaii. I’ve clearly put more thought into this than you, so just…put that away,” Magnus said, shooing the ring Alec was holding.

Alec laughed, shaking his head. “You haven’t even seen it yet,” he said. “What if it’s not a ring?”

Magnus leveled an exasperated look at Alec. “I don’t want to see it, you aren’t allowed to propose before me.”

“Oh yeah?” Alec asked, voice dropping low as he stepped close to Magnus, taking his empty wine glass from him and setting it to the side. His hand not holding the ring coming up to stroke Magnus’ cheek as he leaned in close, whispering in his ear. “What if I want to propose?” he whispered, breath brushing Magnus’ ear and making him shiver.

“Don’t make me say no, Alec,” Magnus berated but it wasn’t very effective as his voice shook.

Alec pulled back, shocked. “You wouldn’t.”

Magnus raised an eyebrow. “I would.”

Alec couldn’t stop the grin crossing his face, knowing he looked as absolutely smitten as he felt. He shook his head, sighing. “Fine. We’ll wait until Christmas.”

Without another word, Alec turned, stepping back inside the apartment.

“Wait. That’s it?” Magnus demanded, following quickly. “You’re just…giving up?”

Alec shrugged, back to Magnus so he wouldn’t see his grin, setting the ring on the stereo as he looked for the right song to put on. “I love you,” he said simply. “I’ll let you have this one. Can’t say whether I’ll accept your ring in December but, we’ll see.”

Settling on a song, Alec turned the stereo on before turning back to Magnus, face arranged in a casual, carefree expression as Magnus eyed him wearily.

“Oh. ‘We’ll see’, huh?” Magnus grumbled.

Alec shrugged, crossing the room to pull Magnus into his arms as the quiet music filled the room. The lights were low, a soft breeze coming in from the open balcony door. They were both barefoot, dancing on the plushy carpet behind the couch where there was plenty of room.

Magnus settled into Alec’s arms with a roll of his eyes. If possible, Alec decided right then and there that he loved Magnus even more than he’d thought five minutes ago. He was utterly ridiculous but Alec couldn’t be happier than if he’d actually proposed and Magnus had said yes.

“So,” Alec said conversationally, leading Magnus in a spin before pulling him back close. Over the last few months, Alec had grown to love dancing through the apartment with Magnus. After a particularly good or bad day, Magnus would come home and put on music, pulling Alec off the couch with him. There was something comforting about it, just swaying together. “Have you picked out a ring? To propose with?”

Magnus raised an eyebrow, clearly fighting a smile as he did. “I’m not telling you that.”

“Come on,” Alec laughed. “Do you have a plan? I want to know what to expect so I can figure out my answer.”

“Oh, you need the next three months to figure out your answer?” Magnus asked, acting shocked.

Alec shrugged. “Maybe. I don’t know. Maybe I’ll decide in two months. Maybe I won’t be able to make up my mind until I really see how it comes together.”

Magnus laughed, Alec’s heart skipped at the sound, his stomach flipping, butterflies in a flutter. “Yeah, well, maybe I won’t ask.”

Alec snorted. “So you’re not going to propose and I’m not allowed to?”

Magnus nodded, glaring at him. “It’s your own fault. You ruined everything.”

Alec bit his cheek to stop the grin that wanted to cross his face, staring at Magnus as they danced, letting Magnus lead him in a spin before coming back to Magnus’ arms. Magnus didn’t flinch, keeping his expression blank, eyes determined. This wasn’t how Alec had seen the night going, but he couldn’t complain.

“What kind of wedding were you thinking?” Alec asked as the second song started.

It worked. Magnus’ blank expression changed, eyes lighting as he smiled softly. “I haven’t given it a thought.”

“Really?” Alec asked, thoroughly amused. “Not even just for a moment?”

“Nope.”

“Shame,” Alec sighed, shaking his head. “I like fall. What do you think?”

“You want to be engaged for a year?” Magnus asked, letting the act drop finally.

Alec shrugged. “Definitely not. That’s why it would be a shame to wait until Christmas to get engaged,” he said, sighing once more. Pretending not to notice the shocked expression on Magnus’ face, or that they’d all but stopped dancing, Alec continued in an uninterested, flat voice. “I was thinking small, less than fifty guests. Hawaii for the honey moon. But, of course, it will be awhile now. I guess we have time to decide after Christmas.”

Magnus chewed his bottom lip, completely still now as the music played in the background. He considered Alec a minute as Alec used all his strength to not grin like a maniac. Finally, Magnus’ expression changed from disinterest to vague annoyance. He sighed, waving Alec on. “Fine. You can do it but I get to tell everyone.”

Alec grinned, feeling like he’d won the lottery. He didn’t care who proposed, not really, he just didn’t want to wait until Christmas. He wanted to be married by Christmas, be married as soon as possible.

Crossing the room, Alec turned the music down, grabbing the ring from where he’d left it on the stereo. Alec took a deep, steadying breath. He hadn’t been the least bit nervous until now. Which was stupid, Magnus had been planning on proposing, he’d practically said yes already. Alec knew Magnus loved him, there was nothing to be nervous about. Yet, his hands shook as he grabbed the ring, slowly turning back to Magnus.

Swallowing dryly, Alec locked eyes with Magnus across the room, walking back to him slowly. Magnus was biting his lower lip, hands knotted in front of him, eyes wide. Alec could see him steadying his breathing and it made him relax, knowing Magnus was nervous too. He almost laughed, they were such idiots, but then the words came to him and every urge to laugh passed.

“I never thought that I would get all I wanted, everything I’ve wanted since I first met you,” Alec started, rounding the couch. He just let whatever came to him, fall from his mouth, hands tight on the small box. “And then, in Hawaii,” he continued, swallowing dryly as he stopped in front of Magnus, just a few inches between them. “I thought… At least I get to know what it’s like and that that would be enough, as long as we were still friends; at least I got a taste of what it would be like.”

Magnus’ full attention was on Alec, staring at him with wide eyes and a soft smile. Alec’s mind was filled with a million memories, from the day they met to Hawaii, to last Christmas, to Isabelle’s wedding. He cleared his throat, reaching out for Magnus’ hand to steady himself before continuing.

“And then, for a while, I was terrified that you might feel the same as I did because then it would be real and I could lose it all,” Alec paused, swallowing dryly. “For weeks, when we got back from Izzy’s wedding, I just kept looking at you and it would suddenly click in my head again and again that this was real, that you were mine.” Alec’s heart was beating so loud and fast that he could barely hear himself talk. He was making a mess out of this, messing it all up, rambling, but he couldn’t stop himself.

Stepping closer, needing to be closer, Alec forced himself to continue, watching Magnus’ eyes closely. “I — I don’t want to ever live without you, Magnus,” he confessed softly, hearing Magnus’ breath hitch at the words. “I never thought that I could love someone as much as I love you; I thought I knew what it was like to love you when we were just friends and then… These last months have been the best of my life, I love you so much that I can’t even put it into words. Every time I see you, my heart skips. I miss you when you’re in the other room, it’s pathetic.”

“It’s not pathetic,” Magnus whispered, leaning closer, squeezing Alec’s hand, eyes shining in the dim light.

“I wake up every day in disbelief, not knowing how I got so lucky,” Alec said, the words coming faster now, in a rush. “You’re my best friend, the person I love spending time with the most. You’re beautiful and funny and kind and I love everything about you, even the things that annoy me.”

Magnus laughed, shaking his head as he leaned their foreheads together.

Alec’s voice lowered to a whisper between them. “I want to marry you, Magnus Bane. I have for a long time now.”

Magnus’ breath hitched even though he knew this was coming. Eyes squeezed shut for a moment before meeting Alec’s gaze again. Alec stepped back slightly, still holding Magnus’ hand as he sank down to one knee. His voice was hoarse, mouth dry. He licked his lips, staring up into Magnus’ eyes as he finally opened the little jewelry box, showing off the ring sitting on a bed of silk. “Will you marry me?”

Alec waited with bated breath as Magnus stared down at him, a smile slowly curving up his mouth. “Alexan—”

Magnus was interrupted by the sound of his phone buzzing in his pocket.

Alec snorted. “Really?” he asked the universe.

Magnus laughed, pulling Alec to his feet, holding his hands, the ring trapped between. “I—”

Magnus’ phone buzzed again. And again, not even a second later. Alec frowned, about to ask who that could possibly be when his own phone buzzed with a text and then another and another. Sharing a look, they pulled back, pulling out their phones, worried it might be something important.

Alec groaned as Magnus snorted. Three texts from Isabelle, of course.

Magnus showed Alec his phone, reading the text aloud. “Say yes or I’m disowning you. Can she disown me?” he asked.

Alec shook his head, reading off his phone. “Tell Magnus to say yes or I’ll cry. Did he say yes? Tell me. All sent within seconds.”

Magnus shook his head, tossing his phone away before doing the same to Alec’s, not paying attention to where they landed. Alec almost protested, his phone could get broken, but then Magnus was looking at him like he was the only thing in the world, smirking lightly and Alec forgot all about his phone.

“Ask me again,” Magnus whispered, slipping closer to Alec, arms wrapped around his waist, head tilted back slightly to see him.

Swallowing, Alec held Magnus close, the ring still gripped in one hand. Magnus’ eyes looked more gold in the dim lighting than usual, stealing the breath from Alec’s lungs. Reaching out with his free hand, he pushed a stray strand of hair off Magnus’ forehead, leaning forward to brush his lips across Magnus’ before pulling back again. “Will you marry me?”

Magnus hesitated a second before asking, “You sure you don’t want to marry Pete?”

Alec hung his head, groaning. “Will I never live that down?”

He looked up to find Magnus smirking at him.

“Are you going to answer?” Alec’s hands were shaking as was his voice, nothing stopping the nervous energy buzzing through his veins.

Magnus inclined his head, shrugging. “I mean… I don’t want to make Isabelle cry,” he teased.

Nerves forgotten, Alec rolled his eyes unable to stop from smiling at Magnus. “I just poured my heart out to you,” he pointed out, pouting.

“You did a lovely job,” Magnus said. His smirk faded suddenly, eyes going serious. Leaning in, he raised his hand to cup Alec’s face, bringing their lips together slowly, running his fingers through Alec’s hair, deepening the kiss until Alec forgot how to breathe. Magnus pulled away, eyes closed for a minute, their mouths still close enough to barely have to move to be kissing again.

“There’s nothing I want more,” Magnus said softly, voice barely loud enough to hear as he blinked at Alec. “Than to marry you, Alexander.”

***

One week later, Magnus came home late, with a grin. He and Alec usually went home from the office together but he’d told Alec he had to work late and to go home without him.

“Honey, I’m home,” Magnus called, shutting the door behind him. Walking into the apartment, he found Alec on the couch, Chairman Meow curled up next to him, a pizza waiting on the coffee table.

“Hey, babe,” Alec called, looking up from his laptop.

Magnus smirked at the pet name; Alec was learning. Passing the couch to head to the kitchen for a glass of wine, Magnus tossed a small box at Alec. He heard Alec sit up, Chairman running off with a grumble, the laptop getting set on the coffee table. Grabbing two glasses, he poured them wine, biting his lip on a smile.

“What is this?” Alec asked after a minute Magnus was sure he spent examining the box.

Magnus shrugged, carrying the wine into the living room. “Your engagement ring. You asked if I had a ring already, which I didn’t, yet. But now I do.”

Alec shook his head, staring up at Magnus with a mix of love and disbelief. “You’re crazy,” Alec said, opening the tiny box to reveal a plain gold ring. Magnus had been tempted to get a diamond but knew that wasn’t really Alec’s style. Instead, he’d picked out a basic men’s wedding ring and had it engraved.

Alec turned the ring over in his hands, squinting at the writing. “That’s not English.”

Magnus smirked. “Nope. It’s not.”

Alec looked up at Magnus, reaching out to pull him close, leaning back on the couch, legs entangled, Alec’s arm around Magnus. “What’s it say?”

“Property of Magnus Bane of course,” Magnus teased.

Alec rolled his eyes but smiled. “Well, it’s true.”

Magnus grabbed for the ring and Alec’s left hand, sliding it on his ring finger. “Perfect fit,” he grinned, grabbing Alec’s face and pulling him into a breath-taking kiss, the two of them melting together the same way they had since their very first kiss.

Magnus still couldn’t believe sometimes, how long he’d gone without this, never realizing that Alec was the perfect person for him, the only person. He’d joked about Alec beating him to proposing but when he’d seen the small box in Alec’s hand last week, it was like the world stopped spinning, the final piece of Magnus’ life falling into place and Magnus couldn’t breathe for a minute, had to wrap his mind around that this was really happening. He’d been thinking about proposing for weeks but he didn’t want to rush and it’d never occurred to him that Alec would be thinking the same thing.

Leaning their heads together, he kept his eyes closed, lingering in the moment. “It says,” he breathed out. “That I love you. Always.”

Alec smiled, pressing a kiss to Magnus’ cheek. “I love you, Magnus.”

Magnus grinned, heart skipping, he’d never get tired of hearing that. Opening his eyes, Magnus smirked. “By the way,” he said, sitting up and reaching for the pizza. “Clear your schedule for two weeks from Monday.”

Alec sat up next to him, sipping his glass of wine with a frown. “Why?”

Magnus shrugged, slowly chewing a bite of pizza. Swallowing, he glanced at Alec. “I just thought you might want to make an appearance at our wedding.”

Magnus was glad he hadn’t taken a drink of wine yet, laughing at the way Alec sat up quickly, eyes going wide. “Wedding? Two weeks from Monday?” he said flatly.

“Doesn’t an October wedding sound nice?” Magnus asked, looking away from Alec to set his pizza down and grab his wine. “It’s still fall, I’ve found the perfect place. Outdoors. Small. Intimate.” Magnus hesitated, turning back to Alec slowly. “If you want.”

Alec was shaking his head, a wonderstruck smile on his face as he scooted to the edge of the couch, reaching out for Magnus. “If I want?” he said in his soft voice.

Magnus swallowed, staring down at his wine before looking back up at Alec. “I know you said fall wedding but if it’s too soon we can wait,” Magnus said, suddenly worried. He didn’t want to wait but if Alec wasn’t ready — “Spring weddings are also nice.”

“Magnus,” Alec interrupted, still shaking his head. He took Magnus’ glass, setting it aside before taking Magnus’ hand, the other lightly stroking his face.

“What? Have you changed your mind?” Magnus asked, chest tight.

Alec laughed, tugging Magnus closer.

“You can change your mind you know,” Magnus rambled.

Alec brought their lips together in a soft kiss, pulling back just enough to talk. “Shut up,” he whispered with a smile. Magnus shut up, heart racing as Alec kissed him again. The slight panic that had come from nowhere disappeared as fast as it had come and Magnus sighed into the kiss, letting it clear his mind.

Alec pulled back, beaming at Magnus, eyes dancing. “I’m never changing my mind,” he whispered. “Of course I want to marry you in two weeks.”

Magnus closed his eyes, leaning their foreheads together. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Magnus pulled back with a smirk, laying back on the couch and pulling Alec with him. “Good,” he said against Alec’s lips. “Because I don’t want to wait one more day than I have to.”

***

Everything came together quickly and perfectly. There were barely two dozen guests but neither of them cared, they only wanted the most important people there; Isabelle and Simon, Clary and Jace, Luke and Jocelyn, Maryse, Lydia, Ragnor, Raphael, and Catarina. They all came in a few days early to help out, as they were doing everything themselves. Simon was in charge of music. Isabelle and Magnus were running around town trying to find the perfect tuxes for the grooms. Clary, Jace, Jocelyn, and Luke charged with flower arrangements and decorations while Maryse organized the reception.

It was all a hectic rush, and Alec loved every minute. They did a joint bachelor party at a small bar near their apartment; everyone showed up, they drank and reminisced until late into the night. There was no time for a rehearsal but they knew how to do this by now. Alec spent the entire two weeks agonizing over his vows before realizing he would never get anything written that he liked and decided to just wing them.

The night before the wedding, he and Magnus laid in bed, curled close with Chairman Meow purring at their feet, staring up at the ceiling.

“Are you panicking?” Magnus asked late into the night, his voice soft and sleepy.

Alec turned to look at him, bringing their clasped hands to his mouth to press a kiss to Magnus’. “Not at all,” he said, and it was the truth. “I’ve never been more sure or less nervous about anything in my life.”

Magnus smiled softly, eyes shining in the dark room. “Me too. I can’t wait to marry you.”

“I’m so sick of waiting,” Alec replied.

Magnus smirked, raising an eyebrow. “Yeah? What are you sick of waiting for?”

“Right this second?” Alec asked. “You to kiss me.”

Magnus’ laugh made Alec’s heart skip, beating around his chest as Magnus turned, climbing on top of Alec. “No more waiting,” he breathed out, just before their lips touched.

They woke up late the next morning, to hear Isabelle shushing everyone in the other room. “Let them enjoy their day, damn it!” she practically shouted.

Alec smothered his laugh in Magnus’ shoulder, kissing him lightly.

“Ready?” Magnus asked, tucking his head into Alec’s shoulder.

“Yeah,” Alec replied without hesitating. “Very ready.”

They drove over to the venue, hands held tight. Isabelle, Jace, Max, and even Simon whom Alec didn’t dislike nearly as much as he pretended, were acting as Alec’s groomsmen. Ragnor, Raphael, Clary, and Catarina as Magnus’. Alec kissed Magnus quickly before Isabelle tugged him away to get ready.

“There will be plenty of time for that later,” she berated. “We have our work cut out making you look halfway decent.”

“Thanks, Iz,” Alec laughed, letting her tug him towards his dressing room. Simon, Jace, and Max all flopped down on various couches, leaving Isabelle fretting around Alec. Pushing him into the shower before making him sit to get his hair towel dried and looking halfway decent. She dressed him slowly, making sure everything was perfect, not a single wrinkle in his white gold three-piece suit.

Isabelle wore a silver dress that looked good with the guys black suits and silver ties. Alec didn’t know what Magnus was wearing, his mouth going dry at the thought of seeing it as he walked down the aisle. They’d decided that instead of one of them standing at the end of the aisle and the other being given away, they’d walk down together. Alec felt nervous now, palms sweating, heart racing. He wanted this to be perfect for Magnus. He wanted everything to be perfect for Magnus.

Isabelle stopped Alec just before it was time, holding him back with a hand on his arm. “I’m so proud of you, and happy for you, Alec,” she said, wiping away a tear.

Alec smiled, pulling her into a tight hug. “I love you, Izzy.”

“Love you too, big brother,” Isabelle said, clearing her throat as she pulled back, quickly wiping her eyes before her makeup could smear.

“Let’s go.”

***

Magnus looked over as Alec appeared in the doorway, breath catching in his throat. Alec looked stunning in the perfectly fitting white suit, it made his hair and bright hazel eyes look darker, sexier. Magnus swallowed dryly, offering a small smile as Alec stopped before him, smirking when he noticed Alec’s eyes traveling up and down him again and again, pupils dilating. Magnus had gone for a less traditional suit, all black with a tight jacket with many buttons, a pink streak in his hair, eyes darkened with the perfect smoky eye courtesy of Raphael who would never admit it.

“I was beginning to think you’d run out on me,” Magnus teased.

Alec shook his head, smiling crookedly, eyes wide and shining with pure joy that made Magnus’ heart ache for a second. “Never.”

“It’s time boys,” Isabelle called cheerily as the music started.

Magnus took a deep breath, offering his hand to Alec as the others slowly took their turns walking down the aisle to their places at the front. “Ready?”

“Ready.”

***

Everything was perfect, or if it wasn’t, Alec was too busy staring at Magnus to notice. Everything else was just background noise, not nearly loud enough or bright enough to pull Alec’s attention from Magnus.

When it was time for their vows, Alec could barely breathe.

Magnus went first, staring straight into Alec’s eyes, not an ounce of hesitation in his voice. “I wrote a whole long thing but I think I’ll just go with the simple version,” he said, talking loud enough for everyone to hear but with a soft edge that made it clear it was just for Alec. “I never thought I would get this, I always wanted to believe in soulmates and true love but I seemed cursed to never know what that was like. And all the time, for years, you were right there.”

Alec breathed in deeply through his nose, trying to steady himself, not even caring that his palms were sweating as Magnus readied to put the ring on his finger. A small part of him still couldn’t believe this was real but he knew it was, because of the way his heart raced and soared, palms sweating like some teenager about to have his first kiss. He couldn’t look away from Magnus, eyes wide, shell shocked smile on his face. He’d never been so happy or nervous in his life, the two feelings mixing in a concoction that made the butterflies in his stomach feel like they were trying to burst out.

Magnus smiled and it was the most beautiful sight Alec had ever seen. “I don’t know if I’ve always believed in soulmates, or if I even do know, but what I do know is that I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone, more than I thought I could ever love someone. You’re my best friend and you make me endlessly happy and I promise to spend the rest of my life trying to make you as happy as I feel whenever you so much as smile at me.”

Alec heard the tale tell sounds of crying behind him but couldn’t care less as Magnus slipped the ring on his finger. Taking a deep breath, Alec turned to take the ring Isabelle held for him, she squeezed his arm reassuringly when his hand shook and then it was his turn.

“I— I thought the words would just come to me when we got here,” Alec said softly. Magnus’ eyes shined with tears, and he laughed, wiping away the one that slipped out. Alec closed his eyes, breathing in deeply to stop himself from crying. “I — I love you, Magnus. Since the day I met you, I just…wanted you to be happy. Whether it was with me or someone else. Sometimes, I still can’t believe how lucky I am. I — I don’t think I could live without you and I never want to find out. You’re it for me, forever. I can’t promise to never hurt you but I can promise that I’ll do my best not to, and that I’ll never stop loving you because loving you…it’s the easiest thing in the world.”

The next few minutes were a blur. Alec felt like he couldn’t breathe until Magnus was finally tugging him close, kissing him deeply.

Behind them, Isabelle spoke in a tear-filled voice. “Fuck. They won.”

Alec smiled into the kiss, they had won. And not just for the best wedding, so much more than that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that, my friends, is my cliche-filled uber fluffy epilogue, I hope you liked it! Don't forget to yell at me on [Tumblr @imawriteriwrite](http://imawriteriwrite.tumblr.com/)! And do let me know if you had any favorite parts or lines/if you loved the epilogue. Comments and kudos are life, I love you all, thanks for reading! XOXOX
> 
> (p.s. I'm working on a few other things (sadly, not Plus One related but malec still) so make sure to follow me on Tumblr if you want to know about said things! <3<3<3)


End file.
